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How do you know if a women is interested in you? Match.com women?

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My first question is: How do you know if a women is interested in you? Match.com women?.

My next question is: Here's my story.  I will try to condense 12 years into a short story.  Got married in 95.  Started affair with married man five months later.  Had baby with husband.  Left 1st husband to be with him when the baby was 4 months old.  He didn't leave.  Alone for two years.  Met another guy got married in 2000.  Had another baby.  Took in his little girl.  Got custody of her.  Started affair back up.  Husband found out.  Big problems.  Obviously.  Husband started seeing someone.  Wow.  Does not feel good.  Brought me to my knees.  He has filed for divorce.  About a month ago started back up with my affair.  He is definitely not going anywhere.  Wife two kids and currently adding on to his house.  Told me two weeks ago he wants to have a baby with me because time is running out .....age wise...  I don't know.  This probably seems easy on the outside looking in...but he has my heart.  I am content with sometimes.  It's all I've had for 12 years.  A couple of hours during the week night rarely and the occasional lunch hour.  I crave his touch.  I love him.  So..... anybody out there in my boat? ..

Comments (4)

Your question was: How do you know if a women is interested in you? Match.com women?.

How can you love him or he love you? You must have respect, honesty and trust to really love someone... neither one of you have this for yourselves, each other, spouses or children... or you wouldn't be cheating and lying....Think of what you are teaching your children, they are the ones that are really going to lose in this situation. Do you want them to grow up thinking it is ok to cheat or to be cheated on, because that is what they are learning? You need to work on yourself, love and respect yourself before you can receive that from someone else.You will find more support from the My Affair Support board...

Comment #1

<< Told me two weeks ago he wants to have a baby with me because time is running out .....age wise...  I don't know.  This probably seems easy on the outside looking in...but he has my heart.  >>.

No, doesn't seem easy from the outside looking in ... it seems twisted and morally corupt.  This man ... who is married and has two kids wants to have a baby with you ... his OW.   (shaking my head in disbelief).  You should apply to be on Dr Phil ... with this type of story ... hon, honestly, you need help.

I don't want to sound like I'm passing judgment ... but, you know deep deep this is wrong ... on so many levels.   And it seems that you are so entrenched in this situation, that is very likely impossible for you to see things clearly.  You do realize that this is extremely dysfunctional and you are robbing yourself of any chance of any type of successful, healthy relationship (thru Match.com) as long as you are carrying on this affair ... do you realize that?.

If you're looking for peole "out there in the same boat" you will want to do to the affairs boards.   You didn't ask for advice ... but, my advice would find an excellent counselor and work toward ending this affair once and for all...

Comment #2

Starbuck70,.

You're right on.  I can not see things clearly.  I have been to a couple of therapists and one of them worked really well when I went religiously and without fail.  I was really dedicated to proving to myself that I could live my life with more respect for myself.  I did it for two years.  When my husband ventured out I still held out for ten months lying in my bed crying, sobbing waiting for him to decide he does love me and come home.  But he didn't.  And I saw HIM one day and talked to him.  Hadn't seen him in two years.  Just seemed like it was supposed to happen.  Weakness set in.  I wanted someone to talk to about my problems.  I wanted a shoulder.  Yeah, I should have made an appointment with my therapist, huh?  Hindsight is 20/20.  Sitting around now, like a fool, waiting for him to call.  Sometimes I can think clearly and realize how silly I'm being.  How much of my life I'm throwing away.  Then.....he says all the right things...

Comment #3

<< Yeah, I should have made an appointment with my therapist, huh?  Hindsight is 20/20. >>.

Yep, and you still can ... call your therapist, that is.   Thanks for not responding back in defense of your actions.  Its actually refreshing to see someone who knows they are doing something wrong respond without a bunch of excuses and defenses ... so, kudos for that.  You are very well aware.   Now, it's time to knock it off.    Get back with your therapist ... change your number ... and start NO CONTACT ASAP..

Go to the Ending an Affair board ... you can probably get some very good support there ... don't bother going to the My Affair Support board ... that board is for people in denial, full of women who are wondering why their AP isn't leaving his wife, etc, etc ... that board is for people who are too weak to end things ... otherwise, they'd be on the ending it board ...

That's all ... and you've got to kick this habit once and for all. .

<< Sometimes I can think clearly and realize how silly I'm being.  How much of my life I'm throwing away.  Then.....he says all the right things.>>.

Yes, and you also have to realize that he's saying all those right things as a way of keeping you right where he wants you.  Right?   .

You've cheated before, too ... so you know that cheating and lying go hand in hand.  You cant have an affair without lying to people ... to your spouse AND your AP ... to yourself!   So, knowing that ... why would you believe anything he says ... no matter how good it sounds?   He's a liar and a cheater.   And you are helping him cheat.  Get out and move forward with your life, ok?  .

Edited 11/29/2007 4:20 pm ET by starbuck70..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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