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How do you instat message someone on match.com?

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My first question is: How do you instat message someone on match.com?.

My next question is: Hope that someone can help on a problem that I am having here with my ex boyfriend.

We dated for 1.5 years. It has not been easy. At the first he was caring loving and non controlling but as time went on he got to were he had to know every move I made and who with. He would show up at my job or be in the parking lot when I was leaving. He had to know every thing that went on in my life from my friends to my children and family. He would ask if I was going out of town to see my mom "what time are you leaving and what time will you be back, if I was not back by that time my cell would go off, he would ask if I was going to call him and if I got busy or have not had the time to call him yet, the phone would start going off or /and he would be pulling in the driveway.  then when I really had all I could take was when I was heading out of town to go to my moms and then to a doctor appt.

Well I didn't handle the situation good, I text him and asked who that woman was (we had been have problems before that with the fact of him controlling me) and I told him that it was over. He texted me back and ask what woman? then when I didn't respond back He sent me a text / voise massage standing that I was a whore, trailer trash, stank, I would never amount to nothing, ect. ( I am the one that has a degree and working on my BA degree plus I am a manager of a large retail store.

Well, I told him when I got back in town that I had done a lot of thinking and that I could not take his control and I could not take the fact that he called me a whore. I told him that no matter how angry someone was they would never go that low to call someone that they cared about names that was that bad.

Additional, information: my kids,  family, friends cant stand him, if he is around my own mother will not come near my home. He has came around my job and home begging me to give him another change to make things right. I told him that I wanted to be left along and I didn't want to date using Match.com no one at this time. I don't love him like I use too. I care about what happens to him as a person but that is all. I have told him this over and over but he wants me to give "us" a change (our love,,, his words).

Help!!..

Comments (4)

Your question was: How do you instat message someone on match.com?.

You are doing the right thing. You've been in a relationship (thru Match.com) with an emotional abuser, and you must get out safely. Please know that everything he has said to you is not true and only stems from his deep insecurity. You are not "worthless". If anything, he is threatened by your successes in life, and that is why he has become even more desperate to control you. DON'T GIVE IN AND TAKE HIM BACK NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE BEGS OR PROMISES TO CHANGE! Trust me, these personalities rarely, if ever, change.



If he is showing up at your work, then he seems to be stalking you. It is very important that you take precautions to protect yourself, even if that means changing jobs or moving to another location. Right now, he still has hopes that he can manipulate you back, but once the reality sets in that you are not returning, this situation could escalate, so please do whatever you can to keep yourself safe..

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Comment #1

<< Hope that someone can help on a problem that I am having here with my ex boyfriend.  >>.

He's your EX boyfriend.  Not your current BF.  So, what's the problem?  You shouldn't be having any 'problems' with your ex.  Why?  Because he's your EX for a reason (btw, all of the things you said ... those were all GREAT reasons that he's your ex ... you were right to break up with him)..

The problem is ... you're still communicating with him and giving him an opportunity to ask for another chance.  If you were doing right by you, you would not be allowing him back in your life.   At least, not without a lot of space and time inbetween.

If you keep telling him "over and over" ... then, hate to say it but ... that's YOUR problem.   That IS the problem. .

When a person says << I told him that I wanted to be left along and I didn't want to date using Match.com no one at this time. >>  as you have said, then ... you have to MEAN it.  Which means, don't answer his calls.  If he shows up at your work (which is a clear sign of disrespect), then promptly have security escort him out.  Sorry, but you have to grow a spine here.  ..

Comment #2

I dont see an "us" here.  I see someone who has bullied you around for no apparent reason.  Is there any reason that he is so hypervigilant about what time you come home? Do you live in a high crime area or has there been trouble in the past with other exes?..

Comment #3

The answer to your question.... No I do not live in a high crime area, I live in a very quite and safe area. No my exes live in a another area of the state and they dont even know where I live now. and they have never gave me a problem..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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