Your question was: How do I get my picture and profile off of match.com if I am no longer a payting member?.
You say it is an obsession yet you haven't been with older men. Obviously you are attractive to older men. I am too, in fact, I was seeing guys only a few years older than myself back in University, I was 20 and seeing guys around 26 years old, not that bad. I thought I was in love with my boyfriend at the time but after a two year relationship, things ended on good terms and I was single again. Three years later, I met this guy in a coffee shop, I was immediatey drawn to him, I didn't think at that time he was 43 years old but he was and I was 23 at that time and it was love at first site. So, I went out on a date using Match.com with him because he asked me to and we got married after a year. .
I guess, only you know whether your guy is the one. If there is any doubt about your feelings for him, you shoukd not marry him and hurt him. On another note, there is no harm being attractive to older men, it is not a crime but it seems like there is someone you have your eye on. If you are thinking sexual thoughts about someone other than your man, then, I don't think you love your man. I would give the same advice to a man. You can have fantasies and picture george clooney as your man in bed, , men do it all the time.
No..I don't want to experience sex with other men. Infact, I am a virgin and will remain that way until I'm married. So..I don't think that's the case. I do know that I love my boyfriend. Sometimes my mind runs wild, with all sorts of things, not just with thoughts of older men. I need some way to control this...
People change and so do what they want, maybe your boyfriend isnt quite what you want anymore. U should give this other guy a go, other wise you may live to regret what could have been, as you obviously arnt happy in your current situation. Follow your heart on this one-it might just been the best decision youv'e made and if it doesnt work, at least you can say youv'e tried. Be true to yourself and just go for it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain as you said your mind wants differnt things. Happiness and love xx Good Luck.
(Anyway- older guys are like a fine wine-they only improve with age.)..
I guess people are taking this post in a different way than I am. There is no one else that I want. I may think some things, but I don't actually want him or anyone else. I'm just saying I don't really want to have this thing for older men in general anymore. I never said I didn't want my boyfriend anymore at all. I can't wait to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him...
I think the others are saying that it's not just okay but in fact quite understandable, your attraction to older men. But maybe what you're really saying is that you're concerned because you're attracted to other men; those men being someone other than your current boy friend? So maybe the older part of it is just something that makes them out of range somehow? I don't know, like being seriously attracted to George Clooney, it stays in the realm of fantasy, as opposed to being infatuated with the great-looking study buddy where there's risk? It's just that frankly the older men are not out of range at all, which is why it seems like the fantasy may be something to take seriously. But, I want to be really really careful, because I respect your decision to wait until you're married, but it makes things hard because you're a healthy young woman, and there are these desires, and they have to be directed some place? So ultimately the way to get rid of the fantasies about older men will be when you get married and all of those desires are resolved. .
So, it's perhaps one of the two things suggested. One, as the others pointed out, really consider whether these feelings for other men in fact reflect issues with your current relationship. But if not, and you're just dealing with normal desires, wait until after you're married and then see how you feel. .
Just a thought...
I am concerned for you. Ok, you love your boyfriend and he is the one for you. Fine. However, you may consider talking to a shrink; not cause I think you are crzay or anything but because there is this inner fear in you or something that is making your mind go to other men. I would just schedule one appointment and say what you told us online to the shrink. I would do this before you get married.
First off, welcome to the virgin side! (lol).
I know what you are feeling because I have been in your shoes about having desires for older men (until recently, but probably still do sometimes). I went through this stage for quite a while. I am single so I didnt have to deal with a commited boyfriend vs desires for older men. I believe it is just a phase that we (virgins) go through. I dont believe the desire is for someone else specifically (in this case an older man) but for the unknown. When you are inexperienced, you go through a lot of different feelings and desires. You think about what different situations with different people (young or old) would be like - all because you never experienced them. I believe this is also a cause of sexual desire. You have probably thought about what it would be like with your man.. right? And you probably have SOME idea (being a virgin doesn't mean you have no knowledge in the sex department) and so while you may have some idea of what it would be like with your man (a younger guy), you think about what it would be like with an older guy (the unknown). Am I hitting the points yet?.
I dont believe these desires are harmful to your relationship (thru Match.com) or anything bad. I also believe that when you get married they will go away as your sexual desires are then fulfilled...
You gave this girl a pretty good answer. Really. I am impressed with your maturity. However, you and I are not 100% sure these desires will go away after marriage. My suggestion, have sex before you marry your boyfriend for the only purpose of knowing whether you will continue haviing these desires. Imagine you wait till after marriage (i agree, waiting for the perfect guy is sweet) and you find yourself wanting and imaginating other men in bed even after you have had sex with your guy.
What if after you have sex, you tell yourself "that is it?" Anyways, although it is not common for a couple to wait till after marriage to have sex, I respect that but I also feel strong about a couple experiencing everything from fighting to love making before marriage to see if they are truly compatible..
Missd2008 -I think what you are saying makes perfect sense! I've been thinking about this quite a bit and I've learned 1) I read into things way more than I should. I think to any other girl, they'd just think about it for a moment and dismiss the thoughts. But me, I nearly panic and think, what does this mean? Why? Etc, etc. See I've been hurt before..like most people, and it has scarred me in ways I find hard to forget. So I am constantly concerned about the status and well being of my current relationship. I fear losing him more than I can even imagine.
There is that strange desire, yet I have no plan of acting on it...in fact it just sounds stupid to act on it. I have no real reason to have feelings for this older man. Which brings me to number 3) I have realized that I do not have feelings for this certain professor..I can't, I know hardly anything about it. I think I am more attracted to his intellegence and the fact that he has given me certain attention (totally professional) that to me, makes me feel good about myself. And he is physically attractive in his own way.
But yeah..that's where I'm at...
Are you attracted to older men? or qualities older men have? there is a difference. age doesn't matter to me. but I do have ideas about what I want in a man.-never been married-no kids-financially stable-respects me-confident and doesn't require ego stroking.( I find that a lot of men have this problem and flirt alot or do a lot of flings to boost their ego). -ready for relationship-mature about relationshipsi find these qualities in older men. however if they are in a younger man I would be open to it as well...
It's not that uncommon but it is something you might want to investigate, perhaps even have a few sessions with a therapist. What was (is) your relationship (thru Match.com) like with your father? There is clearly something you're looking for from an older paternal figure.
So you were or are attracted to an older professor? Haha, you and I are more alike than you would think.. but I bet you this has happened to other girls as well (being attracted to an older professor) - virgin or no virgin. There is something about getting attention from an older man. Maybe it has to do with the idea of linking "maturity" with "older" men. I believe you said that your bf is a younger guy? In that case, since we are made to believe that older men are more mature (which can be debated of course since that is not always the case), you cant help yourself from being attracted to an older man - especially an older man with brains since he's a professor - because of your fear of being hurt in a relationship (thru Match.com) (which we are conditioned to think is more likely to happen with a younger guy - i.e less mature). I dont know, I'm just speculating here. But, I doubt there is anything wrong with what your thinking or feeling. Just believe that you have a great relationship (thru Match.com) (in which your guy is totally ok with you saving yourself for marriage, which is really hard to find these days) and concentrate on that, even thought these desires might not go away. The difficult part now here is the "having sex before marriage just to be sure" scenario that was mentioned. Now, as you and I know, since we have been "saving ourselves" for marriage, it is hard to even think about doing that because that would go against everything we've been working for! But here's something to consider, if you have a really loving and committed relationship (thru Match.com) with this guy and you (both) KNOW that you want to get married down the line and there are no red flags in your relationship, then I would be open to it. Talk to your bf about this and see what he says! There is nothing wrong with talking about it, and that can possibly help you make your decision about your relationship (thru Match.com) and if you want to go this extra mile. This is what I would do if I was in that situation. Because waiting and then finding out that you are NOT sexually compatible with your man and are not satisfied is far more worse than sticking with your original plan of staying a virgin. Choose wisely and good luck!..