Your question was: How can I get intouch with someone I met on yahoo personals but cant find in match.com?.
<<This guy is perfect & I can't force myself to have a physical attraction to him. Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't want to hurt him. >>.
If you don't want to 'hurt' him then end things with him to allow him to find someone who IS attracted to him mind, BODY and soul. You aren't. Basic physical attraction is either or it isn't. If you aren't attracted to him physically, if the thoughts of sex with him are not agreeable to you - then he is meant to be a friend.
This is a huge huge huge imcompatibility and continuing the relationship (thru Match.com) because he's good on paper is one of the most foolish things you could do. He may be perfect but not perfect FOR YOU..
Save both of you unnecessary hurt - you don't feel about him the way you know you should feel. That IS hurtful to him.
End it so he can find someone who is attracted to him. And you are not ready to miove on...
Yes, definitely end it with this guy. Why on earth would you treat someone like that? Get over yourself and let this poor guy go immediately. Otherwise you a just being cruel to him. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that...
You didn't give yourself any time to heal before jumping into a new relationship. No guy would stand a chance right now while you're on the rebound and still hung up on your jerk of an ex. You need to take some time to figure out who you are and what you want in a relationship (thru Match.com) before starting a new one..
As for this guy, you might not be attracted because you're still hung up on the ex or you might just not be attracted. Regardless, you need to let this poor guy go. You say you don't want to hurt him, well, the longer this goes on, the more he is going to be hurt when you tell him that you don't see this going anywhere. He's already tried to tell you that he's in love with you. It is going to hurt when you tell him but you MUST tell him because he deserves better than someone sleeping with him out of pity or a sense of obligation. He deserves someone that can give him love back and can be attracted to him and WANT to be with him for him, not because there isn't anything better. There is no way around hurting him. But you will hurt him less doing it now rather than letting this go on..
Is it physical attraction problem rooted in his appearance or is this about the ex?..
I have a similar situation going on (although I haven't recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship). I've recently had a few dates with a guy that I have always considered a friend. He treats me so great. Our personalities totally click. He is definitely boyfriend material (and that is hard to find these days). The funny thing is, I do find him attractive. But, I don't think we have any sexual chemistry.
No passion. And I find myself thinking about another guy that I do have physical chemistry with. Which is not fair to the new guy. But he is totally crazy about me. I feel like if I stop seeing him, he will be crushed and wonder 'what did I do wrong?' I kinda want to give it more of a chance. I'm wondering if I'm just thinking about it too much and if I can get past this. .
So I get where you're coming from. I feel like, this person is so great, what the heck is wrong with me?..
OMG, You just quoted my story. The guy I'm seeing is very assertive & possibly one would call a pushover. I have always enjoyed a challenge & have none with him. Does that make sense to you? Are you the same type of person? What the hell is wrong with us? The man I have asked God for all these years is standing is right before my eyes & I don't appreciate it. A mutual friend of my bf & I told me to give it a chance. Maybe something will develope.
After that things cooled off for awhile & it took me some time to actually fall in love with him, then when I did, I fell hard...
It's been long enough to know if you will ever develop feelings for this guy, and you haven't. It's really important to be physically attracted to someone, to want to be physically intimate and love the feeling of looking at him. If you don't have that then he's a great friend but he wants something you can't give.For the record I have been in this situation before with a guy who was amazing but just didn't do it for me as far as chemistry. I stayed far too long out of guilt. I hope you don't, the kindest thing you can do for him is to let him down easy and be honest...
Short answer: because you're a woman. This is something we, the male sex, have had to deal with for eternity - female attraction to the worst members of our sex and revulsion to the best members, and something we will never understand. Show me a guy who can't hold a job, is irresponsible, an alcoholic, maybe with a criminal record and no prospects for a solid, stable life, and I'll show you a guy with girls climbing all over him. Show me a nice, decent, respectable, hard-working, honest, generous, athletic, caring, responsible guy, and I'll show you a guy the female sex wants nothing to do with. The whole concept of being "too nice" is lost on us. No guy in history has ever not been attracted to a woman because she's "too nice" and in fact we dream of finding genuinely nice women, but to women, men being nice (responsible, etc.,) is the kiss of death.
Okay, that's an exaggeration, but women liking jerks more than decent guys is a real phenomenon...
Ya know I am going to 100% agree with you. being a woman for some reason I dont date using Match.com jerks after being married to one for way to long. It truly is a state of mind. I have dated these wonderful nice men sence I seperated and divorced. And the nice guys I have dated seemed to have had nothing but crazy women to date. So I have had to prove myself.
I cant stand the guy that tries to hard and can stand the guy that doesnt try at all. I walk with either one. Now a man that can be a man with out kissin my butt or critizzing that doesnt need his eyebrows plucked or that dresses nicer than I do.....HELLO!!!! Girls if you have a nice guy that is laid back yet fun...dont let him go.....they have an amazing bed side manner )..
I disagree with "newyorkguy." I don't think that a man being a 'nice guy' or 'not-so-nice guy' has any direct relation to sex-appeal. .
What do you girls think?.
As much as I love NYG, I agree with you, chemistry has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with being a nice guy vs. being a jerk.There's nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone physically even though he's a good person. Women deal with this equally. Determining whether or not you are physically attracted to someone comes way, way before the realization of a man's character (jerk vs. nice guy). If there's no spark, there's no spark. I would feel a lot worse if someone dated me out of pity than if they let me down saying that they didn't feel any chemistry...
Yes, SOME women do that. I resent the generalisation; my SO is the nicest guy I know and that is what drew me to him more than anything else. Many women fall for nice guys. I get the impression that some of the men who claim "they are nice but women don't like them" are full of themselves, feel the need to point out how nice they are, and therefore turn the women off. But I digress...
What you commented on is probably not what's happening here and I believe you are using this thread to project..
She is not attracted to him because she went out with him KNOWING that she's not over her ex. She slept with him because she "felt obligated". This guy is just filling a void for her, and it's not fair to him. She needs to spend some time alone and get over the ex. It's never a good idea to date using Match.com someone to get over someone else..
CL - Women of Color ..
>>There's nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone physically even though he's a good person. Women deal with this equally. Determining whether or not you are physically attracted to someone comes way, way before the realization of a man's character (jerk vs. nice guy). If there's no spark, there's no spark. I would feel a lot worse if someone dated me out of pity than if they let me down saying that they didn't feel any chemistry.<<.
CL - Women of Color ..