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How can i find some one who i met on match.com?

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My first question is: How can I find some one who I met on match.com?.

My next question is: Seeing this man for 10 months, he broke it off with me and then still seeing eachother all the time and talk everyday but no sex, kissing, nothing physical. This man has ED and I confronted him about it and offered my help. He knows he has the issue but nothing was ever resolved, so I am not sure if this is why we are not having sex. Well, the not having sex is a huge issue for me, so I told him I would go elsewhere if he couldn't take care of my needs and then he seemed to step things up a little, he now kisses me on the lips, but still no sex. It seems to be a 80/20 relationship, with me doing the giving and him doing the taking. I am not saying he doesn't appreciate what I do for him because he does, he just shows no emotion.

All the emotion is on my side, he does small things very few times to shows he cares. Hes a very jealous person, he is very protective that way of me, just not showing any emotion. He was hurt in past relationships, but it has now been a year and I have not gone anywhere and any normal person would not stick around, but because I care so much I stayed with him.  Ok, the thing is I know he cares for me, has feelings for me but somehow has gotten comfortable with the way things are. I told him that I wanted sex and that I would go elsewhere already. I want to spend time with him amd I want all the physical stuff with it that we had before, also I want him to make an effort, where I don't have to do all the work, I am exhausted.

Do men respond better to showing then telling? What do you think is better, that would make him get my point?  Thanks. ..

Comments (5)

Your question was: How can I find some one who I met on match.com?.

Hi loveluv22222,..

If at 10 months the relationship (thru Match.com) is at 80/20, things aren't going to change. This is who he is.  If he's not actively working on his issues for himself, he's not going to do it for you. ..

Read the book: Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis - the two of you don't seem to have the same priority placed on sex and affection, which to me means you aren't compatible..

Carrie..

Comment #1

You can try not initiating anything but I wouldn't hold my breath that anything's going to change, if I were you. .

And doing that isn't going to change the lack of physical affection and sex so if that's important to you, he's not your guy!.

Sheri..

Comment #2

I think that you are sacrificing a great deal for this relationship (thru Match.com) where you are not getting your needs met. If his expressions of love and affection are not what you want or need..then the best solution is to tell him directly and if he feels that he likes himself the way he is then you need to reevaluate the relationship.  All the giving in the world is not going to change his behavior if he likes himself the way he is and doesnt see any problem with it...

Comment #3

Hon, good relationships do require give and take but they do not include one partner having to convince, discuss, or talk into how to be a better partner.  If at 10 months, you are still trying to get him to fit what you need - at some point it becomes logical to assume that you are talking to the wrong man.

When there are significant incompatibilities, one partner will often feel like they are carrying all the load and are constantly asking for what they need..

Rather than continuing to push this boulder uphill and be in a relationship (thru Match.com) where neither of you are happy - he likely feels that what he offers is never enough - and you feel resentful - fact reality that you would be better friends rather than trying to make soemthing work that doesn't. If this DID work, you would not need to keep telling him what you need and sex would not be an issue - you'd be on the same page.

You guys aren't in the same chapter..

Toni..

Comment #4

People are who they are and only change if motivated to, if they truly want to work at an issue.  It doesn't sound like that's the case here.

,..

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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