How can i find out on where these girls really live or if they have a record or history of

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My first question is: How can I find out on where these girls really live or if they have a record or history of.

My next question is: Its Christmas night and I should be jumping for joy right now and instead I have my feelings so hurt and need some insight. I gotta a ring- an engagement one with three diamonds on it two days prior to christmas eve. What is confusing is kinda three issues here. I opened the box and he NEVER proposed or asked those four words we all dream of. He just slide it on my finger. He has yet to tell his family- talked to four different family members today out of state and Im so hurt he wasnt shouting it from the rooftops.

It just all feel weird to me. Im heartbroken he NEVER proposed verbally. He just slide it on my finger and I was like what does this mean. Im confused? He says it means we are engaged and so I had to tell my family at christmas- how could they not see the ring and they are going nuts- champagne- congrats- the whole thing and we talked to four of his out of town family members today and he didn't even mention it! Im confused my family is confused- it should be a happy occasion- I have never been married and wonder why he is not telling his family. I am deeply hurt.I talked to him tonight and had to tell him my feelings.

He swears he is not and has not cheated.I think his intentions are sweet but like I told him you only get proposed to ONCE and the fact he couldn't say those words or tell his family has really made a negative impression on me. If he had just told me two days ago when I asked why he wasn't calling his family about talking to his Mom first- it would have prevented my feelings from being hurt. He was not upfront. He just said- oh we will call her. We did, but not a word on what should be the happiest times in our life to celebrate with both families.

He has fallen short in some other areas and so this biggie is hitting me hard and really questioning things. He should have asked me in words to marry him- not just slide it on my hand. For one day, I told him how confused I was- what did I tell people- we are engaged or he just gave me a nice diamond ring. He says we are engaged- and I said but you never asked. His reply is yes but we have talked about it before so I dont need to ask????? I have never been married- this is his third and so I guess it's not a biggie to him- but HUGE to me and Im mad at him for not making it huge.

He makes great money and I got a small ring- sounds caddy and Im ashamed to even say this beacause it's not the ring that matters- but now after being offended- I thought it and now have said it! Am I being unreasonable. He has put me thru hell with the STD thing- and I expected him to atleast be able to be man enough to ASK not just put a ring on my fingers. Actions speak louder than words I know- but I needed those words and words of happiness to his family. My family lives where we do and has gone nuts celebrating and happy calls and holidays...and nothing to his family- it makes me wonder why he wont share with them.Help!!!..

Comments (9)

Your question was: How can I find out on where these girls really live or if they have a record or history of.

Not asking is pretty bad, but guys can be so dense, I'm not really surprised.  I personally would tell my guy that I want a proposal.  Also, if I really hated the engagement ring, I'd tell him to get me the one I wanted.  I mean, it's supposed to be for forever and I'm the one who has to wear it so I don't think it's unreasonable to make sure I got the one I wanted..

As for him not telling the family, I would ask my guy when exactly he plans on telling them. .

Just from what you described, things sound really wack, girl.  You need to seriously evaluate and make sure you guys are stable enough to get married.  You dont want to enter a marriage already a total mess..

Edited 12/26/2008 3:01 am ET by blairbear89..

Comment #1

Well for one I dont think hes cheating ( in regaurds to the std ) I was unfortunate to contract such once and immediately went for the throat of my then boyfriend , he went and was tested and it wasnt him , and I wasnt cheating ,Dr told me it could of been from years ago ..

       I agree with blair  , you have to wear the ring , you should have one you like! Men are dense , just because youve talked about it doesnt mean you would say yes , he still should of asked instead of assuming it and slipping it on your finger and going about his buisness. .

   A Proposal to marriage is exciting!!  His actions are confusing to me , doesnt seem like he's excited as someone should be about marriage and the scary thing is you dont seem it either.I think you need to take a step back and examine things better , you only want to married once right?..

Comment #2

Sorry but you are not happy with this man why would you even want to marry him?  You need to give the ring back, break up with him and move on.  There are several red flags in your post..



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Comment #3

Kristy, I have to agree with Ms. Yankee, I have no idea why you're excited to get engaged to this guy as you seem to have a lot of negativity between you right now. His "proposal" SUCKED. And his reasoning is really, really immature. He didn't want his mother to find out because she would think he was nuts by proposing to you? Then it wasn't the right time to get engaged! Or you're the wrong person, or he's not mature enough, but it was the wrong thing to do at the wrong time. If he gave you a ring without wanting to have everyone know and be excited about it, that's really idiotic and childish.I agree you should give it back and break up.

I just don't understand why you two continue...

Comment #4

Well, clearly your happiness is not high on his agenda, this is no way to start a relationship, never mind a marriage. This doesn't sound right, the guy is not behaving appropriately. If this were me,I would put a stop to all of this - you must stand up for yourself, now. If he has any redeemable qualities, he will 'pull himself together' fast, but he really needs to do some work here and you need to be strong and let him. (I suspect that you're not that keen on him - the fact that you're displeased with the ring is interesting...)If he's not the man for you, then it really is better that you realise it and act on it now, rather than 2.5 kids and a mortgage later.Good luck..

Comment #5

I do have to say that your proposal/engagement was really a poor attempt on his part.  He could have said "will you marry me?" as he was putting the ring on your finger - not too hard to do..

I dont understand why he went through the trouble of asking you what you wanted if he wasnt going to try to find a ring like that.  Between the lack of proposal and his family not knowing and you not getting the ring you can one not think he just wanted you to feel let down and disappointed.  If he didnt want to get married all he had to do was say so..

If you feel comfortable enough - why not ask him where he bought it so you can exchange it for something more along the lines of what you DID want?  If he had the chutzpah to handle things the way he did he should be able to handle an exchange like a big boy..

"he said he wanted to tell his Mom later because he had confided some of our issues with her and he didn't want her to think he was nuts.".

What does the above mean? That he wanted to see what his mom said about how he handled things to get some support?  If you can elaborate - please do so..

What is a small ring to you?.



Comment #6

ITA! .

Sounds to me like he's giving her a ring and going thru the motions (sort of!) because he thinks it's what SHE wants ... not what HE really wants.

And personally, I would never get engaged or married to someone who was only doing it because he thinks it's what he "should" do.  ..

Comment #7

First I want to tell you most men are not DENSE. I get kind POed when women suggest they are because they cant read  minds or they didnt react the way we women think they should have. They dont have ouiji board kick in their butt kickin to read minds..

Second...if you are unhappy why are you wanting to marry him??? It will not change who he is.

Third I see this soooo much...why wont he tell his family. Dont push that issue. Let him do it in his time. But then again you are going to marry a man that you are unhappy with..

All I see is my feeling I this and I that...truly what about him. But then again you want to marry a man you are unhappy with and do not trust..

Comment #8

Marriage is very serious..and it's necessary to trust your intended, communicate with him, feel like he's on your side..


Comment #9

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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