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My question is: Help me with Match.com login problems!.

My 2nd question is: Started dating (online dating with Match.com) this guy 3 months ago. Within the first few dates he told me that he wanted to take things slow, not rush into relationship, and that he was dating (online dating with Match.com) other women to "test the waters". I was fine with it at the time because I was new out of a relationship (thru Match.com) and dating (online dating with Match.com) other guys. .

I knew I was really into this guy pretty quickly. My interest in all the other guys I dated since I met him haven't even come close my interest in this guy... so I stopped dating (online dating with Match.com) them. I didn't want to lead the others guy on. Now I'm falling for this guy, pretty hard..

I know he is actively pursuing other women on the site we met on. The other day I signed on to say "No Thanks" to an email I recieved and he was on my homepage with a status of "online now". It really upset me. I really want us to be exclusive, but I don't want to rush him since he flat out told me he wants to go slow. I was trying to give him 6 months before bringing up exclusivity. To complicate things further... my biggest weakness in relationships is that I don't communicate my wants or needs and let the guys dictate the relationship (thru Match.com) because I'm scared of rejection.

So, I know it is still early and I should be patient and wait, right? I also know I am losing all capacity for rational thought when it comes to this guy and dating (online dating with Match.com) other women. I'm going crazy. I know that if I want to change my relationship (thru Match.com) patterns I need to speak my mind, but I don't want to screw it up.

Help Me!!!!! I don't want to lose him!..

Comments (8)

OK, after three months he still wants to test the waters? I think that the problem with OLD sometimes is that it leads to a lot of that mentality...the grass might be greener kind of thing.I know what it is like to feel something quickly for someone. However, he is not reciprocating in a way that is conducive to having a relationship.Example: I met a guy on Match, we started dating, within a couple of weeks his profile was gone from the site. Mine expired, so I am off, too. Two months in, we haven't had an "exclusive" talk, but I know I am the only one he is seeing because he is very honest about what he is doing and he knows the same about me. No 'talk' has been necessary.I hate, hate, hate when you go on your homepage and the guy you are seeing is 'online now'. That is the worst feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Dating (online dating with Match.com) others is something I had never considered early on in OLD, but there is a good thing to it...it keeps you from focusing on one guy. I was dating (online dating with Match.com) multiples when I met the one I am seeing now. For the first couple of weeks I had dates with others, and it kept me from falling too hard too fast.But as I said before, if he is still feeling the need to date using Match.com others after three months, he is not giving himself to you. He is keeping distance, not moving closer...

Comment #1

I think between 3-6 months is reasonable to start having an educated idea of whether or not the person you're dating (online dating with Match.com) is someone you'd like to be exclusive with. Do you see one another often? Do you have a good time together? Are you getting signals from him that he really likes you?.

If you gave yourself six months before you'd bring up being exclusive then I think that's a good time frame. If he can't give you an enthusiastic "yes" by that time then he doesn't want it at all.

Maybe to get him thinking, you could say something like "I'm not really seeing anyone else that I like as much as you. I'd be happy to see where things go with you in particular but at the same time I'm okay with giving you space to date using Match.com other people and figure out if that's what you want, too."..

Comment #2

If you want to change the rules, then you need to speak up..

He told you he was seeing other people, you were ok with that, now you changed your mind...it is your life and you should be in control of it.  If you want exclusive then speak to him....if a guy is really into you, having a talk about being exclusive is not going to mess thing up or scare him away and if it does then he isn't the one for you, it is better to know sooner rather than later..

"my biggest weakness in relationships is that I don't communicate my wants or needs and let the guys dictate the relationship (thru Match.com) because I'm scared of rejection. ".

How has that worked for you so far?  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.  If you continue and don't say something, the hurt you feel will be all on you. (it is hard/scarey to start speaking up and let them know what you are feeling when you are not used to that, but it can be done, and it will be so much better for you in the long run)  Take control of you life, don't let someone else control it.  If that takes counseling, self help books, then do it...

Comment #3

OK I sense a bit of fear here. First....you are available to others as well.  Its only been 3 months. We wants to take it slow. Soooo dont make yourself so available to him. If he calls...make him leave a message. If he asks you out dont always say yes even if you are available.

Look at your own situation. You it's enough time him not yet...

Comment #4

This might work in some cases if she actually has other things going on in her life and is not available because of that....but pretending/lying is playing games and almost always backfires....this would be manipulating someone and that doesn't belong in a healthy, adult relationship.  To me, I would prefer a person that actually wanted to be exclusive with me, not someone I had to manipulate...

Comment #5

Dating is a bit of a game but truly if she says she not available and sits at home...she is just having plans with herself. You dont do it all the time. And yes make him leave a message. Guys are hunters...they want a bit of a challange. Not all but most. Its kinda like letting him know what he could have had and now it's niot there...for that night.

Because once if she is always available to him he might think that her life revolves around him and guys want women who have lives beyond them...real men anyway. This is one thing that  men like about me. I have a life with out them.  And she also needs to let him know at some point in time hey this is what I am feeling. She needs to do things for herself...

Comment #6

Thanks for the feedback! To answer some of the questions I got:.

 .

- See each other once or twice a week. Work prevents us from seeing each other more..

- We do have a great time together.

- I am pretty confident he likes me... mostly because he told me he likes me..

As far as not answering some of his calls and saying I'm busy when he wants to get together... that's not my style. I hate it when guys do that kind crap, so I won't do it to them. When he calls, if I'm available, I answer. If not, I call back when I'm free. If he wants to get together and I'm free, I see him. If I have plans, I don't see him...

Comment #7

So you are already naturally sometimes unavailable...you have a life beyond this man...thats great. it just sounded like you didnt. I know more women then not that seem to revolve thier whole lives around men and wonder why they get dumped or things just dont progress fast enough.....AKA they smother the guy. Yes it can be crap to do that not naturlally but eventually it becomes natural. But good for yoiu. just realx then...

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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