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Help! I met him on match.com...Confused...?

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My first question is: Help! I met him on match.com...Confused...?.

My next question is: I have been with my boyfriend for 8 mths. Im 28 and hes 30. I met his dad, brother and brothers soon to be wife. I still have not met his mom or anyone on his moms side of his family. His parents are together. Everytime I go see him, I see his dad.

His mom lives elsewhere. I know for a fact she doesnt know about me. His brothers wedding is coming up shortly and he says he wants me to go with him but doesnt want to make it awkward for me since I havent met his family. He suggested going to meet them ahead of time but that still has not happened and the wedding is in 2 weeks. Then he said well I dont want to come if Im going to be running around and stuff and wont spend time with you.

He has a baby with an ex. Im wondering if his mom still talks to her and she visits with the baby. Im also wondering if his mom thinks the 2 of them are still together!!! He hasn't said anything that she comes over and stuff but I dont know if he would tell me. They broke up a while back. I talked to him this weekend telling him I want to meet his mom and other members of his family.

Help!..

Comments (6)

Your question was: Help! I met him on match.com...Confused...?.

It sounds like he is sending mixed signals. I find it strange that his mom and dad are 'together' and yet his mom lives somewhere else and you've not met her..

As for his baby, how old is the child? How long ago have he and the ex broken up? It is a possibility that the ex and his mother still get along, but that really has nothing to do with you and should not be a reason for him not to introduce you to his mom. After 8 months, you should have at least met her, even if it has to be at a restaurant for lunch/dinner..

It sounds like he's having second thoughts about taking you to the wedding. Do not push for a new invitation; if he doesn't want you to go and you push it, you won't feel that great about yourself. I suggest saying you want to meet the family before the wedding one more time, and if his response is the same, you might want to reconsider your relationship. If you do not meet mom/get to go to the wedding, that will tell you a lot about this man and his intentions..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #1

I also want to add he's never met my mom. He's met my dad and he told me that his bro said to him" if you want to invite her then that's fine. Does she know about the baby?"I know about him just in case someone says something at the wedding. That is why I think baby mama still talks to his mom and visits with the baby..

Comment #2

>>I know about him just in case someone says something at the wedding.<<.

So you just found out about this baby?.

>>That is why I think baby mama still talks to his mom and visits with the baby <<.

I'm not sure what you mean here..

 .

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #3

Well I found out back in june. He was afraid to tell me at first cause he was afraid to lose me. I am thinking he might feel weird about me meeting his mom cause she might still talk to her? Or she might go to his moms with the baby to visit. I know he hasn't told her about me. Maybe because she really likes his ex and is afraid she will judge him cause he doesn't want to be w his ex?..

Comment #4

>>He was afraid to tell me at first cause he was afraid to lose me.<<.

How did he manage to keep a child from you for all that time?.

>>I am thinking he might feel weird about me meeting his mom cause she might still talk to her? Or she might go to his moms with the baby to visit. I know he hasn't told her about me. Maybe because she really likes his ex and is afraid she will judge him cause he doesn't want to be w his ex? <<.

Nothing you've mentioned so far is a good enough reason for him to not introduce you to his mother. What if his mother still talks to his ex? That shouldn't affect her getting along with you. The fact that he hasn't told his mother about you is a big red flag, and it's total disrespect from him. It seems like you are confused and you are making excuses for him..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #5

It does seem like there is something going on. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you but doesn't want you to meet his mom.  And you suspect his mom doesn't know about you..

 .

Tell him that you really want to know if there are things going on you don't know about, reasons he doesn't want you to meet his mom. That you can deal with whatever it is, it's the feeling shut out and not trusted to know the truth that you can't handle.

 .

If you dont trust that this guy is totally leveling with you how can you contemplate sharing your lives?.

,..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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