Have you noticed how each of the couples on EHarmony and commercials all look like each ot

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My first question is: Have you noticed how each of the couples on EHarmony and commercials all look like each ot.

My next question is: If a guy says, "I really like you. I just don't want to be in a relationship (thru right now." Do you think it's just a nice way of saying "I'm just not that into you" ? .

Or do you think that it depends on the situation?.

What are your thoughts?.



Comments (18)

Your question was: Have you noticed how each of the couples on EHarmony and commercials all look like each ot.

Some men just really aren't looking for a relationship (thru at that particular point in their lives when they tell you that, and with some men, it's just a line/excuse.  But at the end of the day it doesn't really matter whichthe outcome either way is that they are not available for a relationship (thru with you..



Comment #1

For all intents and purposes, yes you should take it that way. He could either mean he's not into you at all and is letting you down nicely, or he could mean that he really doesn't want a relationship (thru with anyone, including you. Both things yield essentially the same result...

Comment #2

I would take it that, for whatever reason, he does not want to be in a relationship (thru with you. Dont try to analyze doesnt pay...

Comment #3

I was "dating" a guy who repeatedly told me "I like you, but I don't want to be tied down."  I stayed with him for six months because I thought that I could change his mind.  BIG MISTAKE!  It turned out he just didn't want to be TIED DOWN to ME!!!  He met someone new and totally fell for her...he is STILL tied down to her..

What I'm getting at is he may  not want a relationship (thru with you but don't be surprised if he meets someone he does want a relationship (thru with...

Comment #4

Do you think it's just a nice way of saying "I'm just not that into you" ? yes.

It means I dont want a relationship (thru with you, that does not mean he would not want a relationship (thru with someone else..


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Comment #5

Yes, I do, based on my experience. Same goes for:.

'I have too much on my plate to have a r-ship at the moment'.

'I am very stressed /overworked at my job and can't add a r-ship to the mix'.

'I have debts and need to get rid of them before I can get into a r-ship'.

'I have too many family committments to be in a r-ship'.

'I have been hurt in the past and am scared to get hurt again'.

'I like you so much that it scares me (my favourite, the king of all of men's ridiculous excuses) so I can't be in a r-ship with you'.

Many more to add, all basically amounting to 'you are not quite IT - I'll have sex with you but keep looking for someone who is a better connection/younger/slimmer/more beautiful/all of it'..

Edited 1/7/2009 11:59 am ET by newlyfoundsunshine..

Comment #6

Sometimes guys put that " for right now" to save face. He may be saying for the truth or he may be saying he isnt interested in you. For whatever the reason...take it as he is not that interested in you and be open for some one who is...

Comment #7

<< If a guy says, "I really like you. I just don't want to be in a relationship (thru right now." Do you think it's just a nice way of saying "I'm just not that into you" ?  >>.

I don't think so.  I'm not that into the notion of "he's just not that into you" ... because I think as people we are all internally motivated.  It doesn't have to do with YOU.   Sure, another woman could come along who he'd be smitten with ... but, again ... that isn't about HER ... it's about how HE feels about HER and the dynamic he might have with someone else that he simply isn't feeling with you..

I agree with Sheri that ultimately, the outcome is the same, why bother questioning whether it's him or you?  .

I'm a big fan of the Four Agreements ... one of which is "Don't Take Anything Personally."  This is a REALLY tough one.  I mean, how to NOT take things like this personally, right?  But, when you recognize that he's (or you or anyone) making the decisions he's making because of HIMSELF ... not because of you ... then, it becomes an easier pill to swallow.

Personally, there was a time in my life where I simply wasn't looking for a relationship.   I had to break something off with a guy I was dating (online dating with for a couple of month who really was a good guy ... but, I just wasn't in a relationshipy place in my life ... and he was.    I had my reasons.  Essentially, I was living in a place where I knew I would not be planting roots ... and therefore, didn't want to get into anything serious with anyone.

So, it really wasn't all about "not being into him" ... it was about my priorities at that time in my life.   All that being said, though ... was I REALLY REALLY feeling it between us?  No, I wasn't.  Could I have felt differently about pursuing a relationship (thru with someone who I was REALLY feeling it for?  Perhaps.  But, that's not what happened so I can't say for sure.  All I can say is ... time and time again, over and over ... life proves to me that we are all internally motivated and do what we do for our OWN reasons as per what WE want out of our lives.   Not because of who someone else is...

Comment #8

Thank you Starbuck70. .

See now, I feel like I know a few couples who are pretty happy right now that weren't always "in a relationship".

One of my co-workers has been dating (online dating with a guy for over 2 years. In the beginning he told her that he couldn't handle being in a relationship (thru "right now". They kept things casual. Not boyfriend and girlfriend-ish. But things progressed. Now they are in a relationship (thru and practically live together.  What if she stopped talking to him in the first couple months, just because he wasn't relationship-ready?.

Also, my brother is getting married this weekend. He and his fiance met in high school and were great together. Then he went off to college and told her that he didn't want a commitment "right now."  She was crushed. For a while they almost seemed like FWB.  He wanted to party at school but still sleep with her whenever he was home on break.  He kinda treated her like crap. A few years later he realized that she has always been there for him. He says that there has been no other girl in his life that he has felt this way about. Now they are very happy and getting married.  What if 4 years ago she had just said, screw you?.

Is it possible to feel something for someone that is worth holding on to? .


Comment #9

It really has to do with each individual person's priorities in life.   There's no "one size fits all." .

You said << What if 4 years ago she had just said, screw you?>> ... but, didn't he kinda say the equivalent of that when he said he wanted to party and just sleep with her whenever he was on break?   Are you saying that in those few years ... she never dated anybody else ... she just waited for him?.

Again ... it's about priorities ... several years later ... his priorities were in a different place ... they were both still available ... so, it worked out.  .

Lastly, I don't at all think that happiness is contingent on being in a relationship.  There are plenty of people who are NOT in relationships who are happy ... whether they are single or maybe even just casual dating.  Conversely, there are plenty of unhappy, miserable people IN relationships.   Happiness is internal, not external.  It depends on who we are ... not what we have or don't have in our lives...

Comment #10

In both of those examples, I sincerely hope the women would have been fine if things had stayed casual.  I think that has to be the case if you stay...otherwise you're taking a HUGE risk, because for every story like that where it works out, there are 100 (maybe even 1000) where it does not..


Comment #11

I think it CAN be both - just depends. Sometimes you meet someone and the timing is off so you go do what you need to do and end up together later - not because you planned it, but because it's what happened. And THEN you both were ready to proceed together.

Regardless, if someone tells you "I'm not ready to be in a relationship (thru right now" Believe him, give him his walking papers and go on with your life. If he is meant to be in it, he will, when it's good for everyone, sometimes that happens sooner rather than later. And if he isn't meant to be in it, he won't.

Continue to date using and live life AS IF he is gone forever because all you have to live is now.



Comment #12

No matter what all the nuances are he's being clear the timing isn't right. Be grateful for the honesty and move on.


Comment #13

In 97% of the cases, I`d say it`s an excuse to blow someone off but there are exceptions to the rule..

I might be biased but this has happened to a few ppl I know....

A close friend of mine was dating (online dating with this guy for over a year when he told her he wasnt looking for a girlfriend.  Well, this was 8 years ago, they are now married with a child..

Another friend of mine (who is a guy) who dated this girl for 5 months then decided he wasnt ready to settle down, said he still wanted to date using other ppl, so another 6 months passed by and he got his partying ways out of his system, he reconnected with this girl, they`ve been together for 2 years and living together now..

I still believe it's used as an excuse to say they`re not interested but I also believe it depends on the situation.  I`ve learned that ppl are ready on their own terms.  Only time will tell what they really mean and only if you are willing to stick around to find out.  If your gut tells you theyre just messing with you, trust your instincts and move on..

But this is just my opinion...

Comment #14

Many more to add, all basically amounting to 'you are not quite IT - I'll have sex with you but keep looking for someone who is a better connection/younger/slimmer/more beautiful/all of it'..

I think this sums up a lot of people's  feelings, men & women.    Such as, You'll do for now, as long as I don't have to commit..


Comment #15

Could be either one.  I got divorce last year and have been seeing someone fairly regularly, but have to say - I have NO DESIRE to be in a "relationship" (although I think it's progressed that way).  After being in a committed relationship (thru I, personally, want to play the field and seek out new people, experiences etc.  I DO like this man, but I also don't think he's my "forever".  I truly enjoy his company, the sex so (my ex was phenomenal btw), we have a lot in common - everything should be right - but I'm just not into a relationship (thru situation right now.  I pretty much said the same thing - I like you, but don't want to be tied down.  Depends if this person is honest or not.....

Comment #16


Hard to say. It could be either one. Honestly, all I would hear is "Not Interested"....whether it means interested in a relationship (thru right now or with you.


Comment #17

Thanks for your advice everyone. Ouch. Its hard hearing it from a stanger. You'll all be happy to know that I told him that we shouldn't see each other anymore..

You're right.  WHATEVER the reason, hes not giving me what I want and I can't keep waiting. So, it's over.  And I feel like a million bucks!.



Comment #18

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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