candidablog.com

Has anyone tried match.com or e-harmony?

Want the Latest Match.com Coupons Every Month?


Enter your email address below and we'll send you the latest coupon codes every month. We'll even give a lucky person a free 3 month offer.


My first question is: Has anyone tried match.com or e-harmony?.

My next question is: Hi,.

   I need advice, I will TRY =) to size it up quickly..thanks in advance for reading my story.  My boyfriend and I moved in together after being together for roughly 8 months (he was traveling for 3 months during that time but we were committed.  He is my first love..but I knew from the beginning he had a free spirit mentality..also admitted he had commitment issues in the past.  I accepted him as he was and went forth, we have been living together since.  He claims relationships are so hard for him due to a inner struggle with being monogamous, an over active procreative nature shall we say.  By the way are all men like this and just don't tell us?  He is brutally honest with me.  I would rather honesty over lies as hard as it is at times.  But It hurts to think eventhough a man could be happy with a woman in everyway but chance losing it due to feeling like they need to screw other women so called "variety" ? Urghhhh! it makes me sick..eventhough I know women can also be like this..I'm not..I am happy and don't even want anyone else, even just to fantasize about. .

   So he says he needs a change, that we need to seperate, get our own places.  I am sad and hurt but I can't say our relationship (thru Match.com) is perfect it's not but it's not at all bad either.   See the problem? but he's also saying maybe if we get our own set ups we can start fresh...He feels closed in and completely responsible for me..( he voluntarily is the only one working, while I finished up school) I am done with school, but I'm broke so it's going to be hard for me to move out anytime soon...it's soo frustrating.  Can people move backwards and still make a relationship (thru Match.com) work?  Because he is a beautiful person and I know he feels likewise but is unhappy with himself and where he is in life.  Am I crazy for even questioning it, is it the emotions clouding my vision?.

Any advice is welcomed, first real relationship     Amber..

Comments (9)

Your question was: Has anyone tried match.com or e-harmony?.

So he wants to date using Match.com you but not live with you or give you any kind of a commitment.  I think that more men do feel the same way as he does about variety and monogamy than who care to admit to it..

I dont know what it is exactly that you want to make work?  It sounds like he wants to be a free agent...

Comment #1

I don't know, I guess it does sound like that...I guess I just have to realize that if he does not or can't give me the commitment I want to just give it up...it's hard not to cling to hope when you care so much for someone, it's hard not to realize that eventhough he's great...there are a million other men that maybe are looking for the samethings as me...I hope I never come across another man that is unsure of being able to be with one woman...I want a man that has his share and knows the grass is not greener and knows what he wants..ME...=) ...ahhhh sniffle..=) are they out there? men that want to find the love of their lives? .

If you get a chance to respond...do you think it is possible to remain friends with an ex? because he is my best friend as well...I am hoping that I can be mature enough to realize, just because we want different things in life doesn't mean I don't ever want to talk to him again..I have enjoyed the years I spent getting to know this person and want to continue a friendship...he feels mutually...well I think he would love to have his cake and eat it too...ya know. But he knows he won't get that.   I it is dependent on how you deal with the breakup...

Thanks..

Comment #2

"...I want a man that has his share and knows the grass is not greener and knows what he wants..ME...=) ...ahhhh sniffle..=) are they out there? men that want to find the love of their lives?".

*sigh* - I have no idea.  Some men know what they want very early in life and some dont know what they want until much later and some never know.  Maybe your BF will never be happy with one woman in his life for the rest of his life. .

Are there any men out there who want to find the love of their lives?  I havent met any personally yet. .

I think that it is important to date using Match.com people who see love the same way as you and approach romance and life in a similar way as you in order for the relationship (thru Match.com) to be harmonious.  It is very possible that it is not so much about YOU as you both dont see love and life the same way.  Maybe he sees *love* having a different purpose than you do..

"do you think it is possible to remain friends with an ex? because he is my best friend as well...I am hoping that I can be mature enough to realize, just because we want different things in life doesn't mean I don't ever want to talk to him again..I have enjoyed the years I spent getting to know this person and want to continue a friendship...he feels mutually...well I think he would love to have his cake and eat it too...ya know.".

I dont feel that it is possible to remain friends with an ex because you werent friends you were lovers.  I think that a lot of the emotions that you would need to process at the end of a relationship (thru Match.com) wouldnt take place and it could interfere with you getting close to another man.  I like clean breaks - much healthier.  There is no reason to not be on good terms with an ex so if you ever run into each other things go smoothly and no sense in burning bridges.  The last thing you want with a guy like this is go from GF to FWB - it is like a slow death...

Comment #3

Thanks for your perspective, very much appreciated...You know that we deny the things we have to admit and be honest with...It's almost like we ask a question we know the answer to, because hearing it from someone else makes it comes across louder than our own intuition...hmmm yes I am an eternal optimist, but am a little disillusioned by mens hard wiring right now...they think women are confusing...we really want basic things...maybe I need to read men are from mars women are from venus..haha..

 .

Thanks,.

Amber..

Comment #4

Hi amberslife,.

Welcome to the board!!.

No not all men act like this!!!  There are people out there that understand what commitment is and that the positive benefits of a good relationship (thru Match.com) out weigh what they would get from your mans so called "variety".  If you truely want a commitment with this man, I'm not sure he can give it.  Be careful to take care of yourself!!.

Good Luck,.

 .

           ..

Comment #5

Hi and Thank You Kristi,.

       This is really my first love, I am thinking that I was sooo ready to give someone my love since I really hadn't had any kind of real relationship (thru Match.com) at the age of 24...I met him a gorgeous, intelligent man that was just as into me...and I was full steam ahead without really giving it a secong thought...there were signs that I ignored....

I am a " hopeful Romantic " sooo your opinion keeps my hopes up there... =) it's hard to cut those heart strings though... any advice there, especially when I really don't have many friends to distract me...and I have to continue to live with him until I can afford to move out.. (I just finished school and have no money) I know that I deserve a great person in my life, who will want to be loved by me and love me back equally..I look forward to it.. =).

Thank You, I like being able to talk and get feedback on these topics...

Amber..

Comment #6

Hi Amber,.

Well, when I'm feeling bad about a guy, I try to keep really really busy.  You said this  might be hard cuz of small circle of friends.  I'd work on finding that new great job since you just finished school!! and making more friends.  What are your favorite things to do.  I really like volleyball and skiing, so I found a team to play on in our local league and I joined the ski patrol.  I'm learning something  new with ski patrol (boy - I hate medical stuff!!!) and I get excercise!!  Both are free, so no money spent.  My budget is tight too.  Volenteering for some cause that you feel for is a great way to meet people and do some good.  The people will have common interest since you like the same cause..

Get on google and see what you can find in your area..

 .

           ..

Comment #7

Well you sound great, live in San Diego by any chance.. =).

      Yes, I plan on trying to do that, especially because of the sticky situation I mentioned of us having to live together for a bit...funny enough I am in medical field.., just finished school to become MA/X-Ray Tech..so I am stoked, yes once I find a great job and start making some real money I know things will change...it's just that up hill to that point...but it's time to start doing things like making plans with my new friend and visiting some family, the things I haven't been doing since I have been w/Robert...I definitely put all of myself into the relationship, which I know is a no, no..but I thought it was mutual..come to find out...He feels like he needs his own space and needs to be "alone" to figure out what he needs/wants to do with his life...soo I get it now.  Need to live my life, not lose my independence.  I do appreciate his honesty, even though the truth hurts, it's better than living a lie...and he is still a good person..

Great chatting w/you, have a good night.

Amber..

Comment #8

Sorry don't live in CA.  I did once - Monterey.  Of all the crazy place, I live in Alaska.  At least it's starting to warm up!!!.

It doesn't always feel like an up hill battle.  Some days I feel this way, but not most.  Today is one of those up hill days.  My BF of 4 months only called me for all of 2 minutes today.  Don't love that, but it's tolerable for a day. .

I understand what you mean about putting to much of yourself into the relationship (thru Match.com) and giving up too much of yourself.  Sometimes I feel like I'm the expert on this.  My BF is a single Dad of two with full custody, has a crazy ex wife, currently lives with her Mom, works a full commission sales job, and is building a new home.   Sometimes I think I'm crazy for jumping into this.  He's a really good man.  I think I just need to remind him about women a little. .

The dating (online dating with Match.com) Doyonne said in another post a little while back "Men are desert.  Don't make them the appitizer and main course as well".  I've been working on this a lot!!  It's not easy.  I too don't have a big circle of friends, so sometimes I have to remember that this is my choice and dig into my "at home" hobbies.  I'm a scrapbooker that has never made an album for myself.  So I started one. .

Good talking to you too and thanks for letting me vent a little..

 .

 .

           ..

Comment #9


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

Categories: Home | Aug 2010 - Acne | Aug 2010 - Weight Loss | July 2010 - Weight Loss |

July 2010 - Crohn's Disease | July 2010 - Celiac Disease | June 2010 - Weight Loss | June 2010 - Acne |

May 2010 - Weight Loss | May 2010 - Acne | April 2010 - Weight Loss | Mar 2010 - Weight Loss |

Mar 2010 - Dieting | Mar 2010 - Acne | Feb 2010 - Weight Loss | Feb 2010 - Dieting |

Jan 2010 - Dieting | Jan 2010 - Acne | Jan 2010 - Weight Loss | Dec 2009 - Acne |

Dec 2009 - Dieting | Dec 2009 - Weight Loss | Nov 2009 - Weight Loss | Nov 2009 - Dieting |

Oct 2009 - Dieting | Oct 2009 - Fitness | Oct 2009 - Weight Loss | Sep 2009 - Weight Loss |

Sep 2009 - Dieting | Aug 2009 - Dieting | Aug 2009 - Weight Loss | July 2009 - Weight Loss |

July 2009 - Dieting | Jun 2009 - Weight Loss | June 2009 - Dieting | May 2009 - Weight Loss |

May 2009 - Dieting | April 2009 - Weight Loss | April 2009 - Dieting | March 2009 - Weight Loss |

Feb 2009 - Weight Loss | Jan 2009 - Weight Loss | Dec 2008 - Weight Loss | Dec 2008 - Diet Programs |

Dec 2008 - Dieting | Dec 2008 - Diets | Nov 2008 - Dieting |

 

(C) Copyright 2010 All rights reserved.