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Has anyone tried match.com? Any luck with online dating?

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My first question is: Has anyone tried match.com? Any luck with online dating?.

My next question is: I am only 24 and have practically no experience with the opposite sex. However, I went on my first date using Match.com this past weekend with a gorgeous and really nice guy. I was really nervous at first because I was not sure what to expect, but I was completely honest with him about the fact that I am not in a rush to get intimate too soon. However, sitting in his car before our evening began, we were having a really great conversation and he kept grabbing a hold of my hand and kissing it adoringly. Then he asked me if he could kiss me. I thought about it for a while and then decided to let him.

At the party we went to (it was in a club) we kissed more and more and he even groped me all evening while we were dancing. He kept grabbing my hand to make sure I was near him whenever we were walking around. Towards the end of the evening, we were standing by the bar having an intimate conversation and I was standing in his arms and he had already told me he was not into "planning" things out and that he was not "looking" for a relationship (thru Match.com) but if he found it he would be fine with that. So when I was standing in his arms, he asked me out of nowhere if we could give the relationship (thru Match.com) thing a try. I was kind of stunned and asked him if he knew what he was saying.

He said he knew what he was saying and he asked me again and I just said "okay" only taking him half-way serious. When we leave, we get back into his car and we begin kissing again, only this time, he begins reaching into my bra and before I know it my breast is exposed and he is down there fondling it and sucking on it. I didn't want to stop, but I was taken aback by how fast this was happening, especially when I told him how I was not trying to become too intimate too soon. But I said I think we should stop and he didn't hesitate. He seemed perfectly fine afterwards as well.

I asked him if he was disappointed and he seemed genuine when he said, "no" and assured me that it wasn't a problem. When we get home, he walks me to my building and takes me in his arms and kisses and gropes my rear again and tells me he would text me when he got home, which he did. Aside from the fact that things happened that I did not believe I would ever do on the first date, I think the date using Match.com went really well. He even seemed genuinely into me. However, that was Saturday and today is Monday and aside from the text he sent when he got home, I have not heard from him at all! Do you think I may have messed things up by becoming too intimate too fast and by kissing him all night and letting him grope me? Could he have been totally lying to me by "pretending" to be a gentleman and okay with whatever decision I made when he was actually upset? How long of a wait is normal for the post-date phone call? Did I mess things up?.

"When you belong to a minority, you have to be better in order to have the right to be equal.".

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."..

Comments (7)

Your question was: Has anyone tried match.com? Any luck with online dating?.

Hello.....

Your story takes me back to when I was your age (about six years ago...LOL!). Ok, I will say first that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to what is considered taking things too far too soon. Some people believe that you should just go with the flow, letting nature take it's course. I, however, I am a firm believer (and this is just my opinion) that being intimate too quickly (especially on the first date..) with a man you hardly know is usually a recipe for disaster. This is not even because the guy will think this or that about you...it's deeper than that. You see, when you meet someone and you're actually looking to develop a relationship, it is important that you know that the person likes you for YOU, not for what you can give them or do for them.

Bottom line, though you're inexperienced with men, the guy didn't do anything that you didn't ALLOW him to do. Have you asked yourself why you allowed things to get as far as they did before you stopped him? You had several opportunities (in the car, in the club, in the car again) to tell him to back off, but you didn't. Were you afraid that he wouldn't like you had you told him to slow down prior to the last time in the car? Also, the conversation where he asked you to give the "relationship thing a try" would have been a red flag to me. This was your first date, right? Why would a relationship (thru Match.com) come into play? Did you ever think that maybe he was saying that to get "something" out of you?.

So, now you haven't heard from him in a few days. There isn't necessarily any time frame by which a man should call after a date. However, I would say that it depends on the guy. I went out with a guy the other day, and he called me when we got in our cars after we left the restaurant (LOL!). To some, that would seem pretty quick. However, I'm a little older than you and this guy is older, so rules tend to go out the window the older and more confident we get. I would say that if you don't hear from him this week, chances are you won't.



Try not to think too much about him. I would strongly encourage you not to call him, as he could possibly talk you into letting him see you and then you could possibly end up sleeping with him, especially since you're feeling really vulnerable right now.......

Good luck!  ..

Comment #1

Dont wait on a phone call and if it does come do not see him anymore.  He is a Don Juan, a Casanova, in more modern words he is a player and he played you like a fine tuned fiddle.  Take this as a lesson and have more self respect in the future..

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Them with my guns..

Comment #2

A couple of things could be happening: he talked about a relationship (thru Match.com) because he sensed that you werent into casual sex by the conversation the two of you had about intimacy. 1) Did he mention relationship (thru Match.com) with you because he just wanted to put you at ease (that his intention was to date using Match.com you not screw you over)  or..2) did he say that just to trick you into being intimate with him?.

He may just be the kind of guy who is very sexual and very physical and looks for that in a partner. This type of guy doesnt judge women who do get physically intimate early on and likes that in a partner.    Sex IS a priority for this type of guy.  If he is this type of guy then you holding back would be an indication to him that you may not make sex a priority in a relationship, like he would.  I know he told you that he was not disappointed but maybe, if this is the  case, he is wondering if you are right for each other - sexual compatibility..

He could also just be a slime ball and was *just* looking to get laid. .

You acted on what is true for you - who you are and what you want in a relationship.  Neither of you is right or wrong but maybe just not right for each other...

Comment #3

Well, from MY perspective you didn't go too far on your first date... but then again, I'm a guy. You didn't have sex, so as far as I'm concerned, it was a pretty tame date. As for him not calling, I even started a thread here on male dating (online dating with Match.com) tactics pointing out that it's a better tactical move for us to call later rather than sooner. The kiss of death is for us to be seen as TOO interested. We have to act non-chalant, marginally interested, like we've got 10 better things to do than call, when in fact we'd like to call every 10 minutes.

This isn't the 50s. Girls can - and should - call guys...

Comment #4

Firstly, I want to thank you for your very thoughtful response. I don't have any regrets about what I did or let him do because as I said, I wanted it and though I was shocked that I even went as far as I did (because I have NEVER done anything like that) I know I did not do, nor did he do anything that I did not want him to do. Yes, of course I thought about the fact that he may have said to "give the relationship (thru Match.com) thing a try" to try to get something out of me. However, I should put it in context by saying that when we began speaking to one another, I made it a point of telling him that I was looking for a serious relationship (thru Match.com) and not a "friends with benefits" type of deal and that even if we got intimate (i.e. "kissing") it would never go much further than that unless we were in a relationship. So when he said that, it wasn't just out of the blue because we had discussed already our ideas on relationships and what both of us were looking for.

I am really not stressing over it because I don't have any regrets and my being young and inexperienced I am really into learning about myself and men more and more and if this never goes anywhere then it will be just one of my many "dating experiences". But, for the record, he did call me today and should be calling me back later on tonight. But thanks again for your response!.

"When you belong to a minority, you have to be better in order to have the right to be equal.".

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."..

Comment #5

Hmmm, wow. Didn't quite think of it from that perspective. I actually think your response goes deeper than the other responses because it does not just label him as some sex-crazed playa. I've known playas and nothing about our evening really gave off that impression to me. If anything, I think he would probably fall more into this category than anything. If it means we are just not compatible then I could learn to accept that, but I don't feel comfortable labeling him a "dog" because since the time I met him, he has shown that he is actually quite considerate and understanding of my feelings.

I really appreciate your response and thank you so much for giving me another way to look at the situation.

"When you belong to a minority, you have to be better in order to have the right to be equal.".

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."..

Comment #6

I agree. This is not a man you can trust. Learn from the experience and move on.

,..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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