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Has anyone tried match.com and had success?

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My first question is: Has anyone tried match.com and had success?.

My next question is: I met 2 guys at my old job during 2004-2005 and have kept in touch with both of them.  The two guys were not friends and none of them know I kept in touch with either of them.   I always had a huge crush on one guy upstairs in a diff. dept.  He didnt' like me and wasn't ready to date using Match.com because he had just broken up with his ex-fiance (a.k.a. "the 3 year crush guy").  The other guy was the one who trained me, I was never attracted to him, we were just friends.  I kept in touch with both of them when I quit..

I lost contact  on and off with the guy who had his engagement broken, but after meeting up only a few times within 3 years, he finally had romantic interest in me and we went on a few dates (2 months ago).  Those were the best dates of my life because I had liked him on and off for 3 years and my feelings grew stronger every year.  It was only 3 dates, but it wasn't working out according to him.   I was devastated.  Three years is a long time to like someone.  Of course I had met other guys in between, but when they didnt work out, I went back to liking the 3 yr crush guy. .

It is obvious the 3 yr crush guy  didn't feel the same way I did, but we were friends and he told me things like  he still loves his ex-fiance, hence my mentioning "I lost contact on and off."  I liked him so much that I couldn't just be his friend.  He knew I liked him and let me off easy by not calling a few times.  But finally he did call to ask me out.    I am stil heartbroken over him and  always get reminded of the short time we were together.  He called me sunshine and Natasha Bedingfield has a new song Pocketful of Sunshine. .

Now my other guy friend who trained me and who I never liked,  just told me he likes me and we went on a few dates already.   Oh boy is he shy!!!    It turns out he has always liked me for the 3 years since we met at the office.  Seeing him and talking to him reminds me of the the 3 yr crush guy.   I'm not sure I like the guy who trained me.  I k now it's only been a few dates and I should give him a better chance, but I am still heartbroken over the 3 yr crush guy.  I mean, we literally just "broke up" 2 months ago and now I have to deal with this other guy who says he likes me.  I'm trying to forget the 3 yr crush guy and going on dates with the other guy is delaying my process of forgetting the 3 yr crush guy. .

I'm not giving all the details as to why the  3 yr crush guy broke up with me, but it was devastating, and this is the worst break up I've ever had.  Now my reason for this post is, I feel like I want to cut off all my contact with the other guy who trained me so I could completely forget the 3 year crush guy.  All 3 of us worked together and if I'm going to continue to date using Match.com the other guy, we will always reminisce about the job we had together therefore I will be reminded of the 3 year crush guy..

I think I want to tell the guy that I need time away from him so I can COMPLETELY get over the 3 year crush guy (but I won't tell him the latter).   I don't know if that's possible because it's like the pavlov experiment with the dogs, dog food and bells.  I will always associate the job and the 3 year crush guy whenever I see the guy who trained me..

I know I sound crazy which is why I need to end all contact with the guy who trained me!  Is 2 months sufficient time to get over a 3 year friendship with a guy?  Thanks...

Comments (4)

Your question was: Has anyone tried match.com and had success?.

There are two ways you can go here:'.

1) just get out there and date using Match.com because it will help get you over that hump of sadness.

2) allow yourself time to grieve the loss of this friendship..

Since you said you never really had feelings for the training guy, then let him go to find someone who does like him.  Plus if you are out with him and just feel sadness and pain being in his company because he reminds you of someone else...then you are doing a disservice to him and you by continuing to date using Match.com him..

I dont think you can put a time frame on getting over someone. You had hopes that the friendship would blossom into something more and it didnt.  He is still in love with the ex and no relationship (thru Match.com) with him would work because his heart is elsewhere...

Comment #1

OMG Ok.. your post is EXACTLY why I love this board.  I could have written your post word-for-word because I went through EXACTLY the same thing!  Hence I don't think you are being silly at all! .

I was way hung up on this guy with whom I only spent a very short amount of time with.  Really, we spent everyday together for three weeks and it was the best time of my life.  I won't go into the details of the "breakup" either, but it was for similar reasons that you posted.  It was extremely hard for me.  I went out on dates afterwards, but all I could think about was him. .

Eventually, I slowly realized he was not the one for me.  The reason the new guys/dates weren't taking my mind off of him was because the new guys weren't the one for me either (I usually know right away). .

Anyway, it will get better.  It just takes time.  I absolutely know that that doesn't help matters at all!  It hurts alot, but you can weather the storm.  And as you can see, you are also *someone else's* "3-year-crush" and he will probably go through the same thing as you when you break it off with him.  But you and he will find the person you're meant to be with.  ~B~ ..

Comment #2

Dealing with grief and getting over a relationship (thru Match.com) takes time.  If you think No Contact with the one guy will help, do it.  I have a feeling you are getting to see things from a different perspective now that this guy says he's liked you as long as you liked your crush.  The world moves in mysterious ways..

Reading material to consider:.

How to Get Over Your Breakup - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21181.1.

Relationship Grieving Process - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22985.1.

Zen of Doing Nothing - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21173.1.

Carrie..

Comment #3

Thanks for your help everyone.  Those links were helpful too...

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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