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Has anyone tried eharmony or match.com?

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My first question is: Has anyone tried eharmony or match.com?.

My next question is: Well,kind of long story Ill see how short I can keep it.I started dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy that I hadn't seen in years. We went to school together but really were not friends then. It has been 12years since then. Anyway,we started talking to each other on Myspace back in the fall. He asked me out in November and we went on a few dates after that and all seemed to be going well.We talked online and on the phone several times a day. Before I knew it I was staying over at his place a couple of times a week.

Fast forward to today. We talk maybe 1-2 times a week. I haven't spent any time with him in about a month. The last two times I saw him was when he stopped by my workplace. And today I called him and he seemed less than interested to talk to me.A little background on him though: he's got three kids and is going through a divorce.Ive never met the kids.

He just sounded irritated that I had called him. He is also turning 30 this weekend. He works very full time and also a full time college student. It's just a little weird to me because we used to make time to see each other when we could. I don't know if it's me or if he's just stressed out and I shouldn't take it personally.

I feel myself getting way to attached already and if it's fizzling out I just want to know so I can move on. I don't know how to ask him though. Any help would be appreciated...

Comments (12)

Your question was: Has anyone tried eharmony or match.com?.

Hon, I'm sorry this has happened, but I think you need to just let it go.  You haven't seen him in a month and it sounds like you are contacting him more than he is you and he's merely responding to you rather than taking the initiative.  He's got a lot of drama in his life with work, school, children and a divorce in progress.  IMO, it's a very bad idea to get involved with someone who is still in divorce proceedings because it means they are still married and may be emotionally unavailable in many ways.  He's got a lot going on.  If he's not making time for you when he used to, then usually that's a clue that a guy is disappearing and taking a cowardly way out rather than stepping up and telling you that things are fizzling out.  He might still come back, but are you really interested in taking the scraps he's throwing you?  If a guy is really interested in a woman, he can make time to see her in a month's time no matter HOW busy he is with everything else.  Just step back and don't contact him.  He may contact you after a while or he might not.  If he does, you really need to think about if this is really something you want and if he is giving you the kind of relationship (thru Match.com) you desire.  To me, the behavior would not be acceptable, but it's to each of us to decide what we will put up with. .

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Comment #1

Thanks. I think I know all this, I just don't want to face the truth on this one. I knew it probably wouldn't work out,and that it would hurt when it finally got to this point-so I guess it's time to face it all now though. Thanks Again...

Comment #2

It is rough getting involved with someone divorcing who has so many things going on in his life.  Why did you not think it would work out? .

Sometimes men dive right into something with a woman (to get her to desire a relationship (thru Match.com) with him) and while both enjoy the times together he knows very well that he plans on pulling back some to a schedule that HE is comfortable with.  Other times it just results in a fling...

Comment #3

Hi Aunt Nenny,.

Welcome to the board!!.

I dated someone similar to you.  He's going through way more than he is sharing with you and you need to be careful.  The statistics show us that the odds are against couples that date using Match.com while one is divorcing.  Not that it can't work.  You will work harder than you ever thought and it will take a lot longer than you ever thought..

My old bf didn't even tell his kids we were dating.  The divorce was confussing enought for them and he didn't want to create any more stress for them.  He was also really really guilty about what the divorce was doing to his kids.  My old bf didn't talk to me when he had the kids either..

You should talk to him and really work on what you both want out of the relationship..

Good Luck,.

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Comment #4

Thanks everyone! I know I just need to ask him whats going on,it's just hard...

Comment #5

Oh my gosh I have spent my whole weekend crying about this. I knew it was going to hurt when it seemed to be over but I didn't think it would be this bad. Everyone told me when this ends it's going to be bad because I haven't smiled so big before as when I was with or talked about him. I haven't heard from him all weekend and I haven't tried to contact him either. Part of me just wants him to know how bad this is killing me and the other part just says to hell with him. I absolutely hate dating!..

Comment #6

An idea:  why not be proactive about the situation?  Why not either send him a note stating that you can see that getting involved with him at this time could be an error on your part - since emotions do sway back and forth during this time (he could be reconciling with his wife for all you know) and so much is going on in his life.  Let him know that you did enjoy his company and would prefer to not socialize with him until he gets his affairs in order..

The way things are going now...you feel helpless and hopeless about the situation.  If you handle it like I mentioned above...you could make out better in the end.  He'll see that you expect more for yourself than what he can provide right now (makes you more desirable) and you dont close the door entirely to him.  I know that more than anything you want him to call you and tell you that everything will be okay but it doesnt look like that is going to happen...

Comment #7

Sorry you had a bad weekend and that this hurts so much!!!.

Hang in there you will make it through all of this.  It is okay to talk to him.  Be prepared that you will not get the answers that you "want" to hear, but at least you will know where you stand. .

I think this is one of the hardest parts of dating!!.

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Comment #8

Just read your posts and I'm so sorry you  are havig to go through this, but the only thing you can really do right now is be good to yourself. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go for a jog/walk to get your mind off of things.  I also recommend relying on friends and family at a time like this because they can help immensely.  I know the old pull away trick very well and it never gets easier, but you do feel better eventually.  I promise!.

Hugs,.

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YG.

Http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/..

Comment #9

Thanks everyone. I am doing better today. One day at a time I guess...

Comment #10

Hi Yogagirl2006.

Welcome to the board!!.

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Comment #11

Hi,.

I don't think you should get your hopes up.  It sounds like he has a million things going on and a relationship (thru Match.com) of any kind is not on his radar.  Some people can't just say that it's over for whatever reason and it sucks!  I say boo to them..

I send you a virtual hug.  Probably not the answer you wanted...

Comment #12


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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