Your question was: Has anyone not found love after 6 months on match.com, did they get another 6 months free?.
Ok, I'm not a fan of ultimatums ... ever. Ultimatums don't work because ... if the person DOES agree with what you're asking ... it's only because of 'fear of loss' ... which is not a great reason to stay together. And most of the time, when women present an ultimatum ... they don't end up following-thru ...
Ultimatums are not the answer. If you feel the need to position something as "if you don't (fill in blank) then I'll (fill in blank)" ... that's not a good sign. Rather, it's up to you to ASK for what you want WITHOUT the threat of taking something away ... and if he cannot agree ... you take your leave. THAT is the self-responsible thing to do..
Anyway, I don't see what benefit you really get from this relationship (thru Match.com) ... it doesn't even sound like you LIKE the guy ... and why should you? He's verbally abusive. He doens't treat you well. He's selfish, obsessive compulsive ... all words you've used to describe him. (I'm not even mentioning the money ... he can earn the money ... I'm talking about personality and character ...
Money is not).
Now, does that sound like the guy you thought you'd end up with? Basically, you don't sound well-matched ... you have a certain idea of 'romance' and he doesn't ... which we all know has nothing to do with money. .
It DOES sound like you're staying in this relationship (thru Match.com) only because it's been 3 years and you're waiting for the 'payoff'.
I learned quite a long time ago ... to NEVER invest in the potential of a person or the potential of a relationship. If you do, you may be waiting a very long time and/or feeling very bitter/resentful when it doesn't 'pay off'. .
Please ask yourself a very important question: "what benefit am I getting from this relationship?" ... that is not a selfish question. Its's a SELF-CARE question..
<< am truly hopeless at believing I can make this situation the way I want it to be if I motivate him enough. it used to be if I showed him enough love love I believe he never got growing up.. >>.
You can NEVER "fix" another person. Why would you even want to try? If he didn't get enough love growing up, you can't fix that for him. If HE thinks he needs fixing, then he can go to counseling. But I'm guessing he thinks he's just fine the way he is..
Why are you sticking around? He is not going to change into who you want him to be...
I dont see a future for the two of you. You let 3 years go by with him behaving the way he continues to behave. He doesnt have his act together...why do you even want him? You stating what you want in a relationship (thru Match.com) should be good enough for him to hear, and LISTEN (they never LISTEN) and then act upon it.
If a guy doesnt respond...then he's not worth your time. You shouldnt have to scream from the rafters to be heard. I wouldnt say much to this guy except "good bye"...
<< am truly hopeless at believing I can make this situation the way I want it to be if I motivate him enough. it used to be if I showed him enough love love I believe he never got growing up.. >>You have to ask yourself if you want a project or a boyfriend. If you think you have to fix this guy or motivate him to get his own stuff together, then what you have is a fixer upper. Is that really what you want? Or would you rather have a guy that isn't "broken" in the first place?Good luck,.