Has anyone ever heard or been dubed by

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My first question is: Has anyone ever heard or been dubed by

My next question is: I know this really sweet guy.  We have known of each other for years and have been friends for a few years.  There was definitely some interest on his part on going out.  I was hesitant to pursue anything for a few reasons.  I wasn't sure he was really my type.  I didn't know if I was physically attracted to him.  We also worked together.  I had been burned by that before and was wary.  Also, I was still recovering from some relationship (thru drama.  It just wasn't a good time to start something.  We still flirted at work, stuck like glue to each other during work functions, and pretended like we were actually going to go out.  I definitley liked him, but I wasn't sure if I liked him liked him.  Fast forward a little.  We no longer work together, but when ever we see each other that spark is still there.  Fast forward a little bit more.  We met up with a group of mutual friends.  I was estatic to see him.  The topic of conversation turned to children.  One of our friends was talking about his kids and then mentioned that this guy had kids.  I thought he was joking. I was thinking I would have heard about this.  He wasn't joking.  He has twin baby boys by a girl he works with.  The twins are a few months old.  The lovebirds were together before she started working with him.  They kept it on the low for as long as they could. .

My dilemma:  I really do like him mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  I know that now.  I always said that I did not want to date using anyone with kids.  I don;t need the drama,.  He has me questioning myself.  I am older now and at that point where kids are something on my mind. That spark is still there, in fact I would say it is burning even brighter.  Instead of wanting him less, I want him even more.   After all our friends left the restaurant, I sat in his arms and we talked for three hours.  I am confused now.  I want to be with him, but this situation is not ideal. Am I setting myself up for disaster even thinking about this.  Why do I find the most complicated situations?..

Comments (2)

Your question was: Has anyone ever heard or been dubed by

Why did he keep the children a secret?  Was he afraid of how you would react or was he afraid of something else?..

Comment #1

We all have hard boundaries and soft boundaries in relationships. The hard ones are those that are absolutes - deal breakers. Teh soft ones often are more dependent upon the person and relationship. You have to decide if this is a hard or soft deal breaker..

When you know this then you can take action. It doesn't matter if 'he's perfect, but...' - if your deal breaker is no kids, then it wouldn't be smart to ignore that.  This is why it's important to be clear on what we want and need in a relationship (thru FIRST and then decide if someone is a good fit.

Take your emotions outof this for a moment and really look at the relationship (thru - he will always be a Dad and you will often be a second priority for him for at least 18 years. If you can't accept this situation as is - then move on.


Comment #2

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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