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Has anyone ever had any luk on match.com?

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My first question is: Has anyone ever had any luk on match.com?.

My next question is: I was engaged to my ex for three and a half years. I never completely got over him even though he got married and he got married about three years ago. Then about three weeks ago he just showed up at my house... I was so happy to see him, we spent about a hour talking about what has been going on over the passed few years and how things have been, his nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters, just everything. I had so much fun. Then before he left he made a comment that he and his wife wasn't doing so well and had even talked about divorce, then he made a comment about how he did not even remember why we broke up in the first place. He left and all week I thought about how everything was when we were together....

He was talking more about how his wife was acting very weird and saying how unhappy she is. shes also been making little comments about how she doesn't know how she would make it financially if they did get divorced and how it would be hard for her to find someone new but it would be easy for him to find someone. He started saying things to me about missing how it was when we were together and how it was a mistake that we broke up. Today he came by to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving and he said he only had a few minutes to stay but he just wanted to come see me for a minute. We were talking and he said he woke up the other night and heard his wife and her mom talking and he said he really doesn't think they will last through the new year. Hearing that and everything else he told me honestly made me really happy and hopeful. But I've been talking to a couple of my friends and one says I am in the wrong letting him come to my house and even though he doesn't come in and nothing happens, seeing him like this behind his wife's back is wrong.

I do want to be back with him and I am happy that he misses me and talks about wishing we never broke up but should I feel bad that I'm wanting that from a married man? And what would be the right thing to do if he did get divorced and want to get back with me?..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Has anyone ever had any luk on match.com?.

 Right now all he is doing is confiding in you...nothing more. His words are only words.  Right now you are a rebound.  It sounds like they are breaking up and he needs comforting.  He needs to talk to a shrink, not you. It is unfair of him to ask you to shoulder his feelings.  Okay, he said breaking up was a mistake.  let him put his words into motion before you get your hopes up.  Some people can live on words and promises...I cant. I am an action person - the words need to match the actions.  Promises and words mean nothing to me.  A guy who talks but doesnt move on his words is either playing with my head and heart, just a b.s. artist, or someone who doesnt understand what makes me click.  You, on the other hand, might be okay with words and promises.  I dont think you are doing anything "wrong" by talking to him but dont let it become an emotional affair - let him finish one thing before starting another..

It is very nice that he did visit you today - at least it shows he does care on some level...

Comment #1

You might want to feel bad that he is sooo unhappy. And dont hook up!!!!!! He needs to get out of his marriage before he starts a new relationship. Divorce is very emotional and can be very draining. He wont have it to give you and thats not fair...

Comment #2

The fantasy you are hoping for is highly unlikely to materialize. Its not at all unusual for people to revisit a person from their past that they remember as having made them feel good when they are feeling horrible. It doesn't meant there is deep love there - it simply means that person is in a bad place emotionally and looking to feel better somehow someway. You are that balm for his bad emotions right now. It doesn't meant a damn thing either other than you offer him comfort from very hurtful emotions NOW. He is escaping his pain by talking to you.

That has nothing to do with love for you - it has to do with pain avoidance on his part. Yes, I've been in this situation. It's an extreme rollercoaster - the kind that makes you gut-wrenchingly sick. You see the happily ever after part - what you are conveniently overlooking is the reality. He IS STILL married - not even separated.

If there are kids and property involved. That's just the 'to do' part - I'm not even touching on the emotionally stuff he will have to sort out. And, say you hold his hand through all of this - expecting him to want to marry you finally when it's said and done - and he decides he wants something else. What then?Hon, relationships that go the distance are created by 2 whole hearts - you both have damaged hearts here - and that is a recipe for huge heartache. He is not even close to being ready for a real and intimate relationship (thru Match.com) with you or anyone else.

Be a friend but maintain limits..

Toni..

Comment #3

The reason he came over and confided in you was not because he is still in love with you and genuinely wants to be with you. He did it because with his bad marriage and impending divorce he is feeling vulnerable and lonely, and it feels safe to confide in an ex-girlfriend because you're someone he had already established and intimacy and comfort with.It does not mean anything more than that...

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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