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Has anybody tried "Match.com" or "Eharmony.com"?

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My first question is: Has anybody tried "Match.com" or "Eharmony.com"?.

My next question is: My guy and I met over two years ago. We connected back then on many different levels. It was not until this past October that we found ourselves in the same point in our lives and began to date. He's a professional, and I was his client. We crossed that boundary after many discussions and we agreed that I would seek another person in his line of work to handle my issues. He has spent time at my house, we have been out and I have been to a family birthday party for a member of his family. My family likes him, his family likes me. We both have problems with rushing into relationships blindly.

He'd find a way to see me, if only for a few minutes. He'd call every day.  He made it clear that everything was equal...and we threw out all dating (online dating with Match.com) rules..and made our own. He said please do call him. I have called him a few times. He referred to me as his "girlfriend", he is my "boyfriend". Everything was so good! Just this past weekend he has pulled way back. He has cut "face time" with me to once a week. He says he's VERY attracted to me and does not want to risk messing this up by getting too physical too soon.

Now he says he'll call and does not. He wants "spontaneity"...so phone calls should be a surprise. He does call every day if just to say "Hi". He says we need to back up and slow down. We are more than friends, not yet lovers. He wants to work on getting to know each other better.

I know he's concerned that I have a 9 yr old son, he likes my son and does not want to cause my son any grief. He works long hours and helps to care for a disabled sibling. He had no problem fitting me into his schedule to begin with. Now he seems to always be busy. Most of me wants to work through this and see what happens. I really do care alot for this guy.

But, a small part of me sees this as a game.     .

Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride...

Comments (14)

Your question was: Has anybody tried "Match.com" or "Eharmony.com"?.

There is definitely a reason why he is backing off.  I personally would take it as a sign that he is becoming disinterested.  If it were my situation I would either start seeing others or break it off completely..

 .

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THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #1

I see it as a game too. He's calculating every move he makes with you. Your relationship (thru Match.com) is being pulled along by his fear, and I think you need to call him on it. You should let him know that you really like him and want a relationship (thru Match.com) with him but that you sense he's pulling back and want to know why.You have a very murky relationship (thru Match.com) to say the least, on one hand you say he's your boyfriend but he's not really acting like that and you say you're just more than friends. Needing spontaneity with phone calls is BS, that doesn't make sense. It's been over a year now, you should either be moving this forward or calling it off...

Comment #2

If you've read anything about the stages of dating (online dating with Match.com) (e.g. Mars/Venus on a date using Match.com by John Gray or A Fine Romance by Judith Sills), you'd know it's very common and natural to go through a period of uncertainty once you've been dating (online dating with Match.com) for a little while.  The key is to let him get through it without panicking and overreacting.  He may decide he wants to continue and things will progress, or he may decide he's not interested in pursuing this after all.  It can be excruciating to wait it out but it's part of the process..

Let him be the one to initiate for the time being and give it a couple weeks and see what happens..

Sheri.

 ..

Comment #3

Over a year?  I'm reading her post to say that they just started dating (online dating with Match.com) in October.  Perhaps the OP can clarify..

Sheri..

Comment #4

NP...I can clarify! We met back during the summer of 2006. We lost touch for awhile. We have been back in touch now since this past summer. We "reconnected" in mid October. That was when we decided to try dating..

Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride...

Comment #5

Oh, when you said this "PAST" october I thought you meant the one before last. Sorry that changes things a lot, that's just last month. I think he's pulling back due to lack of enough interest...

Comment #6

What a nice start and build up..only to have him yank everything out fromunder you.  He wants "spontaneity" ...I see..that could mean he is juggling two women or that he is playing some sort of sick game to see if you can handle things not structured as they once were - like the ground you walk on with him has given way...and can you still balance yourself.  Tell him that this is not how relationships normally go and when he is ready to be in an adult relationship (thru Match.com) to give you a call...

Comment #7

He made the promise to spend time together on Thanksgiving Day (TD) about a week before TD. He called at 8pm on TD. It seems he had a sinus headache, laid down to rest and fell asleep. I could hear the congestion and tired in his voice. I have no reason to doubt him. But he had ALL day to make good on his promise! He took his disabled sibling to the movies last night (Friday).

It was all great until he called at noon Friday and had to cancel. It seems his sibling expected it to be just those two going out. It ended up becoming a "boy's night out" with pool and a few beers to be included. I am upset in that he could have explained to his sibling that he had invited us to come along. At the very least we could go to the movies, then go home while they do the "guy thing". We have not had any time together since Friday of last week! So, I asked if we could maybe spend time together on Sunday.

We now have plans...a date. If he blows this date...that's three strikes and he is OUT. He himself said he had GOAL for us to spend at least ONE evening a week together. He blew that one too!  .

Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride...

Comment #8

It sounds like he is in uncertainty alright and it could go either way.  If I were you I would stop being available for a little while until he figures out what he wants.  It's not a game really - it's just backing up because you sense that he is uncertain.  Becoming pushy or demanding is only going to push him further away, so just back off and take care of you.   ..

Comment #9

That was not cool what He did to You Thanksgiving at all I don't care how sick He was He could have called You early in the day if He needed to cancel that was extremely cold and rude on His part especially on a Holiday..

He seems to not know what He wants and likes keeping You at Bay I hope You made other plans the other day's he cancelled You don't need to deal with that.  You really need to stop being so available for Him You have a life also and He needs to understand that..

You should set some boundaries with this Guy oitherwise this will continue because he thinks it's ok to treat You like that..

Good luck..

Comment #10

Hmm..seems like Mr. Spontaneous has your relationship (thru Match.com) organized just the way he likes it - but tells YOU he wants it spontaneous - doubletalk.  He is not commited to wanting a real relationship (thru Match.com) with you that could grow into something special...

Comment #11

Well, you say his behavior changed over the weekend, so Id say give it a little more time.  However, someone saying they will call then not calling and always being busy are not good signs...

Comment #12

He blew the date using Match.com for Sunday. I went on with my plans for Sunday. He wanted to come over and "hang out". I just did not make time for that. That was not the plan. We did manage to have a good conversation on the phone. He's got major issues.

I would like to see him once in awhile, go out on a date using Match.com and actually spend time together. I told him that I really felt everything was going HIS way. I am getting nothing from this. Even if he gets it together, I am not sure at this point if I'd want to date using Match.com him.  .

Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride...

Comment #13

I think you handled it well.  His behavior is not the behavior of a man who is really into you.  What was his response to your statement about everything going his way and you not getting anything out of it?..

Comment #14


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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