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Has anybody found true love on match.com?

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My first question is: Has anybody found true love on match.com?.

My next question is: I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. Let me give you a little background about us so you can get the clear picture. We started off shakey and in no way normal for a relationship. He was my manager when I first became attracted to him, so nothing could happen. Then I slept with his friend ( I can be honest now, I think I thought it'd bring me closer to him), which was a big mistake and right off the bat he thought that was weird so he was very cautious with me. We started seeing each other just casually because I really didn't want anything serious and he didn't either at that point, so it worked...for awhile.

It felt like it was always a constant struggle for me to get him to committ to me and be with me, but eventually he did and everything started going good. We had a good balance with each other after we worked through all the BS, but still to this day I feel like I always am the one that wants more and wants our relationship (thru Match.com) to go forward and grow. Finally he moved out to his own apartment closer to me and we started seeing each other a lot more...at least 5-6 times out of the week. So finally I was happy and so was he. We met in the middle, we were communicating more and things really felt good.

So that brings me up to right now. About a month ago he tells me he's moving in with his brother again (and you must know that they're 30 and 31 years old). I was shocked and angry and felt like this was a complete backwards step for us and him. I brought up the subject of how I wanted to move in with him and it completely started a fight. He was ready, so on and so on, it's not you...it's me.

Why does he want to live with his brother and not me?? It seems so immature to me! So I told him that my lease is up next year in June and by then we'll be togher for 2 and a half years and that I expect him to be living with me by then, and he said we'd talk about it when it gets closer. I'm so afraid that I'm going to be crushed and heartbroken if he says no. I don't want to pressure him, but at the same time I feel like if I keep going this way, if I keep letting him call the shots in our relationship (thru Match.com) it's going to cost me and my happyness and what I want. And I feel like I've been doing this the entire time because I want to make him happy and if I'm patient it'll all work out...am I stupid???? Am I setting myself up for heartbreak?? I love him so much, but I feel like I do compromise what I want all the time. Please help..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Has anybody found true love on match.com?.

Thats funny that you think you're compromising, but just based solely on your post, it seems like you're not compromising at all.  it's your way or the highway, and when you dont get what you want, you get upset. .

I would never work that hard to get someone to love me.  he either does or doesnt.  if a guy thought he'd be happier moving in with me, I'm sure he would.  if not, he's just not ready or he's just not that into me.  id want him to live with me from his own natural decision, not because I hounded him about it, gave him an ultimatum or whatever else...

Comment #1

If I were your boyfriend and you said that to I would have dumped you right then and there. You are pushing and pushing. You are beong selfish. If he want to move in with his brother and thats what makes him happy then let him. I am not sure where you see this as a step back for the two of you. You might as well tell him YOU want to get married and YOU want to have kids and YOU  want this and YOU want that and YOU YOU YOU. What about HIM...

Comment #2

Sorry but I agree with the others. You are SO pushy, you have no tolerance for this man yet you claim to "love" him, you think it's "immature" for brothers to be roommates - well I have a different idea of what's going on, I think you're labeling things as "immature" because they're not going exactly the way YOU want! He has been cautious with you since the beginning and for VERY good reason - you have entertained some really twisted ideas, like sleeping with his friend to get closer to him and pushing to move in together when you admit that your relationship (thru Match.com) is a struggle. Vava, if he were writing to us today I imagine most of us veterans would tell him to break up with you. You have to ask yourself: If I were in his position, dating (online dating with Match.com) someone who is doing the things I'm doing and saying the things I'm saying, would that feel HEALTHY to me?Because Vava it doesn't seem healthy from my angle, at all.Take a serious, serious look at this relationship (thru Match.com) and what you're adding to it. Pushing is never the answer, and pushing under these circumstances is a death sentence. I don't think this relationship (thru Match.com) looks like it's going to work out, but I could be wrong I suppose.

You have a lot of thinking to do...

Comment #3

It felt like it was always a constant struggle for me to get him to committ to me and be with me, this is your answer you probably badgered the poor guy until it was just easier to give in to what you wanted than what he really wanted.  Now it's coming back to bite you in the butt..

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So I told him that my lease is up next year in June and by then we'll be togher for 2 and a half years and that I expect him to be living with me by then, there you go again forcing something on him that he probably does not want to do..

I cant believe he has cow towed to your demands and control this long.  Im thinking that moving in with his brother is the 1st step in breaking it off with you.  Or the very least a safety zone for him..

You cant force people to like or love you, or live with you and from your post this is what you have done..

As long as you are this demanding and controlling it is very doubtful that you will be able to maintain a relationship (thru Match.com) for any period of time..

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 .

My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Comment #4

Oh my god...everyone is so right...a little harsh, but I think I needed that. I honestly did NOT expect any of those responses. I was expecting everyone to baby me like all my friends and family. They all tell me what I want to hear I think. Which is so wrong because how can I improve and change if no one is honest with me? I mean granted you all don't know EVERYTHING about our relationship, but I can honestly say that I am too controlling and pushy and god...what guy wants that??? He must really love me to put up with all that. Granted I put up with a lot from him as well, but it all should be give and take.

I need to start being thankful for everything he does for me and stop focusing on the things I wish he would do. I know he will in time and I just need to have more faith in us, or you all will be right...I'll drive him away. Thank you everyone for giving me a wake up call. Just know that I am a great girl and besides the controlling issues I have a lot of good about me that hopefully overcomes the other. But I will work on those issues because he's worth it and I'm worth it...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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