Buying a house is a big deal and if he's going to do that and you're engaged, id expect to be choosing the house *together*. if he blocks you on that id be hella upset and skeptical about his intentions to really follow-thru on getting married..
Thanks for your response. That's what I am afraid of. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being insensitive to his daughter...
Well, you said next summer.. you don't think one year is enough time to get used to you? I think it is..
Are you trying to get married before or after the buying of the house? ..
I think it is as well. And I think that he could at least say "we'll see how things are going" but he doesn't. He just flat out says she won't be ready and that we won't be moving into the new house together. Right now he says everything will more than likely be ready 3 years from now. He stresses that it's his daughter he is worried about, but I'm thinking it's more than that...
I very often hear of quite long engagements, so a long engagement I think is not atypical at all. however I personally have never understood it. I don't see the point of getting engaged and then not marrying until forever and a day later..
So of course if you want to get married before 3 years away then you need to let him know that very directly. if he won't budge, then you'll have to accept his time thing or move on. ..
Out of sheer curiousity why did you guys wait 2 years to introduce you as his girlfriend? I definitely don't mean that in a bad way, I am currently dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy who has a child so I am curious because at the moment we are in the steps of introducing me a little bit at a time. 2 years just seems like a looong time to wait. Patience isn't a virtue of mine! My BF and his ex decided to make a 3 month rule, after dating (online dating with Match.com) someone exclusively for 3 months they can be introduced. As for my BF, his son is only 8 so me being there if BF has other friends over doesn't make him curious about me in the least. I don't think he even remembers my name yet!So far, their plan seems to have worked well. Their son seems as adjusted as well as could be hoped..
So enough about me. IMO, daughter is 13 and old enough to realize that "mommy and daddy" aren't going to get back together. Which in my personal experience is the main problem kids have adjusting to a new bf/gf of a parent. Their "dream" of being one family again has been squashed. Then again she IS 13, depending on how often your FH has her makes a difference in the timeline to announce your engagement. If he has her every other weekend, it may take a little longer to get used to the idea.
A few months to be would seem sufficient to announce..
"Statistically" the average engagement is 18 months. I couldnt wait that long! I think the length is generally saving money to have a those big weddings. For me, I would hit Vegas, so 18 months would be me twiddling my thumbs. Next summer is when he plans to purchase a house. To me, that is plenty of time to get the child adjusted and get married. I would be insulted as well if I were in the same situation.
I don't think he is neccessarily "stalling", of course that is a viable option, but maybe he is just a little overprotective of his daughter? Another thought is this: What if his daughter IS uncomfortable and hates the idea of you two getting married and you moving in? Would you two break up? I think you might put it in those words to your FH. Men tend to need things broken down. If she *doesn't* accept it, is he just gonna break up or hide you, or push back getting married indefinitely? The answer should be NO of course. So waiting and just delaying the evitable won't really do much. If you are going to get married no matter what then she can get used to you as dads fiance or as dads wifeeither way you aren't going anywhere..
I don't have kids...so I'm not the best advice giver on the subject, they are just my simple ideas/opinions. I hope it helps in some way...