Getting lots of "wink" emails from, but some have misspellings?! Legit or not?

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My first question is: Getting lots of "wink" emails from, but some have misspellings?! Legit or not?.

My next question is: I am dating (online dating with a man who has been separated from his wife for over 18 months, but the ink just dried on the divorce because of her drama. I have had a similar timeline on the separation, but my ink dried almost a year ago. I ended my relationship (thru after years and years of trying to fix what I could by working on myself, but my ex was too damaged. His ex is difficult for him to deal with, and he deals with her frequently (I hardly hear from mine). Anyway, I have been dating (online dating with around here and there, but no one has caught my interest until now. I keep hearing "watch outrebound" from boards like these.But here is my issue: I have never been one to have serious relationships frequently...I dump men as soon as I see that they have issues that would not be compatible with my marriage ideals.

I I have many guys as friends so I think that helps me weed them out even When is a rebound ok? I ask that because as I sit here, I realize that my brother is married to his rebound, my coworker is married to her rebound (and histhey started dating (online dating with before his divorce was final), my mom is married to her rebound (my dad), and my best friend is married to her rebound. Every single one of these people is HAPPILY married. My coworker and I talked about her situation, and she said it took a failed serious romance to realize what she really wanted, and her husband felt the same. So maybe that is why I am not sure about the rebound effect.

In fact, I cannot think of a single friend who had a failed romance because it was a rebound. Do I have strange friends? All I can figure is that they are all pretty self-aware people. I know it must be a phenomenon because I DO read about it often; I just don't see it in person.Maybe we all have different timelines? Maybe there is no real formula? I don't know the answer to this. It may just be I have strange friends! lolWhat could be so different from the people I hang with so that they are not experiencing the rebound effect? One thing we are trying to do is to work on our friendship firstbarely anything physical (closed mouth kisses) has happened because we want to make sure we are compatible before we take it to that level and get too giddy (and this has been really really hard for both of us!)...

Comments (5)

Your question was: Getting lots of "wink" emails from, but some have misspellings?! Legit or not?.

Just because you are the first person he has dated since his ex doesn't make it a rebound. To me, a rebound is something that you intend to be short term from the beginning. It doesn't sound like this is the case with the two of you. If I were in your situation, I would continue to take it slow and give him the space to deal with his ex and see where things go. Good luck,.



Comment #1

If you look at things logically everyone is rebounding from some relationship (thru (significant or insignificant)  somewhere somehow.  Even if a person hasn't dated in a year...emotionally he or she could still be rebounding..

So, the way to look at it is more like whether or not the person is transitioning and is or is not emotionally available.  After your divorce you were in a transitional state of mind (from marriage to divorce).  A lot goes into that transition period that one is not aware of until it hits you unexpectedly..

Your family members have had success in marriage because the people they chose to date using were emotionally available.  As long as the person is emotionally available he or she is a good candidate for dating.  Some people are drama kings and queens and need to enmesh their new dating (online dating with partners in the drama of their old dating (online dating with parters and stay in that drama because it feeds some sick need they have inside to still be wanted or needed or remembered..

Good luck!..

Comment #2

I think the key as to whether a rebound might work is whether the person whose relationship (thru ended recently has done the inner work to move on, or not.  For example, have they looked at what their part was in why the failed relationship (thru ended, and accepted responsibility for that, or is it all the ex's fault?  Have they learned something about what they want or don't want, like your friend?  I do believe that time is one component of moving on but time alone isn't sufficientyou have to do the work, as well..

I do think that having so many people in your circle who haven't had bad effects from being in a rebound is pretty rare but yes, there are definitely rebounds that work..

I don't agree that a rebound has to be defined as a short fling.  I think that's the danger of rebounds actuallythat the person who ended their relationship (thru doesn't KNOW that they aren't ready to get into something serious and healthythey are in the middle of it so they are not able to judge their readiness.  I know now with 20/20 hindsight that I was not "fine" after my marriage ended (even though you could not have TOLD me that I wasn't at the time) and I ended up getting into a 4 year relationship (thru that was a mistake.  But I stayed as long as I did in part because I was so upset about having made another poor decision.  But I realize now it would have been sheer luck if I *hadn't* made a bad decision, given the emotional stuff I was going through even though I didn't realize it...

Comment #3

Hi aimsicle,.

Your frustration is well warranted.  I've be someone's rebound before.  And I honestly don't think he realized it at first.  When he did he broke it off.  So I'd say to talk this over with your man and see what he thinks.  Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship.  Maybe that's what makes it so hard..

I also think that lots of time will be necessary.  Don't rush for both of your sakes.  Most of the information I've found on dating (online dating with someone in his situation says that the odds are against you, but that doesn't mean the two of you can't succeed.  Somewhere I read that over 60% of second marriages fail.  Boy that's uplifting isn't it.  I'm working hard at beating this stat.  I wish you the best in beating this too..



Comment #4

I was in a 2 year relationship (thru that was not healthy.  I was not happy and wanted to hold on to something that was no longer there.  Finally I got smart and ended my relationship (thru with the guy I loved..

A week later I met the man I am dating (online dating with now.  We have been together for four months and I could not be happier.  With him,  I realize of what I had been missing in my other relationship..

Is he a rebound?  I thought so at first, now I do not consider him that.  Why should I, he makes me happy...

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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