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Gay guy i met on match.com asked out and he said....?

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My first question is: Gay guy I met on match.com asked out and he said....?.

My next question is: Hello!  I am new the the board.  I would appreciate any input on this situation that I am in.  I feel I first need to give you a quick background on past relationships.  Three years ago my relationship (thru Match.com) ended with the man I thought I would marry.  I haven't  met anyone who has even come close to that relationship (thru Match.com) until now.  I have been currently seeing my new guy just shy of 6 months.  We have never sat down and had the "are you seeing anyone else talk". (I do have a toothbrush residing at his house) My problem is with his friends.  They are all female.  The problem I have is that I have never met any of them.  I have many male friends, some I have known for more than 14 years. I also know at some point during our friendship they may have liked me more that just a friend.  So this leads me to think he may be interested in some of these girls and that's why he keeps us separate.  I finally had enough this weekend and expressed my feeling on this matter to him.   I told him that as with my friends the ones married or coupled we should go out with but he did not respond. He sat there and listened and said he understands my point of view but said nothing else on the matter. So now do I wait to see if anything changes or do I continue to press the issue?  I really like this guy, but I am afraid to let him know how much due to the fact I was hurt so badly before.  I also don't want to come across as too aggressive since we have only been seeing each other 6 months.  Any advice is appreciated..

Creepygrl..

Comments (7)

Your question was: Gay guy I met on match.com asked out and he said....?.

I have a couple questions before I try to answer:.

Have you introduced him to your male friends?.

Have you met other friends of his but not these women?.

Sheri..

Comment #1

I am not sure about your particular guy, but when a man keeps his worlds separate there is usually a reason and that reason isnt good news for you.  Sometimes those guys are players, sometimes it means that he is just not serious about you in the same way you are about him.  If he had no answer or reply to asking him to join you and your friends out one night then things dont look good.  You are not being jealous, so try to direct your energies outward instead of inward.  Something is not right about this guy and maybe you should address that with him or break things off if he doesnt budge...

Comment #2

Ok, you're probably not going to like this but ... here goes: .

The problem isn't that he has female friends that you haven't met.  The PROBLEM is that you haven't established anything in terms of what your relationship (thru Match.com) is ...and thus, you are assuming that because you've been seeing each 6 months that there's some sort of "statute of limitations" that entitles you to something at this point ... something that has yet to be discussed or decided .... see what I mean?.

So, for you to be concerned or jealous about female friends ... well, I'd say if you guys had agreed to being exclusive or had already established GF/BF status ... then, you'd have an argument.   But, you haven't.  So, you don't.  .

(sorry ... I said you probably wouldn't like it ... but, the truth sometimes isn't easy to hear).

In hindsight, we can always learn lessons ... and I think this is going to be one of those experiences for you.  .

You said << We have never sat down and had the "are you seeing anyone else talk". (I do have a toothbrush residing at his house)>>.

Unfortunately, a toothbrush doesn't mean anything.   I dont think that, at 6 months, having the exclusivity talk is not 'pressing the issue.'   And, if he isn't ok with being exclusive, you'd be wise to take your leave.   I am going to presume that since you've been seeing other for 6 months that you are also sleeping together?   .

That's 'lesson to be learned #2" ... in the future, it's wise to establish not seeing other people BEFORE sleeping together. .

Sorry I couldn't be more encouraging/optimistic ... but, way I see it, he hasn't done anything at all wrong or sneaky by not introducing you to his friends (female or otherwise) ... that is, since you are not his GF.   If you were, then ... this discussion woudl be very different.  .

 .

 ..

Comment #3

Yep he has met just about all of my friends both male and female.  He doesn't have many male friends the two I have heard about have just started families and don't go out much..

Creepygrl..

Comment #4

Ok, thanks.  I don't think it's a good sign that he's keeping you separate from his friends.  It may be that he's doing it because he doesn't yet think of you as his GF as Starbuck suggested, or it could be because there's something going on with one or more of his female "friends"..

I'm also not wild about his non-response to you when you brought it up.  I'd read that as pretty much saying, "tough, I'm not changing a thing"..

Soare you prepared to accept things as they are, or not?  If not, I think moving on would be a good idea..

Sheri ..

Comment #5

<< I'm also not wild about his non-response to you when you brought it up.  I'd read that as pretty much saying, "tough, I'm not changing a thing".>>.

Ditto.  To say "I understand your POV" ... but, then not offer to make any introductions ... even with his friends who are coupled ... pretty much means he doesnt want to introduce her to his friends ... whether that is him being sneaky or hiding something ... who knows?  .

It may be as innocent as him not wanting a GF and therefore not wanting to introduce her to anyone ... or it may be that this guy already has a GF or is seperated from a wife ... and that's why he doesn't want her (OP) around.  .

It sounds like he is one of those types of guys that is going to take the path of silence ... that way, when it comes right down to it, he can say "well, I never said we were exclusive" ... "I never said we were BF/GF" ... "I never said I wasn't seeing other people.".

And guess what?   He'd be right. .

I'm curious ... for our OP... what HIS relationship (thru Match.com) history is?   What has he told you?  ..

Comment #6

RED FLAG...<<<< We have never sat down and had the "are you seeing anyone else talk". (I do have a toothbrush residing at his house) We have never sat down and had the "are you seeing anyone else talk". (I do have a toothbrush residing at his house)>>>>> because it shows that you're having sex with him, but you don't even know if he's dating (online dating with Match.com) and sleeping with other women...any or many of those female friends.  You're exclusive but he may not be. If you said something and didn't get an answer, but an acknowledgement that is a red flag. It's possible that he likes you, BUT that he doesn't care enough to call you "his GF" , but a casual date. You never introduce your casual dates to people you care or try to keep casual. Perhaps, these female friends are also casual dates.



If this deal is not working for you and you don't get clear answers it's best to move on. Make sure next time to ask for exclusivity before getting int a relationship (thru Match.com) like this one and having a toothbrush at his home because having a toothbrush at a guy's home doesn't mean that you're seriously dating (online dating with Match.com) him...

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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