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My 2nd question is: I really need help. I'm crying out for help. I posted here some months back about my mom dying. I am 31 years old and she was my only friend from birth. I lived with her until she died and now I am on my own with the three kids who she had custody of. It's very hard.

I have , for the first time been trying to get out and date. I want to know if something is wrong with me. I've always been a very generous and nice person. I'm so hurt. The first guy I met online and we started dating.

I am very loving and generous. This guy used me for sex and when he got back on his feet he dumped me. I was devastated. I was so good to him and so nice. It still hurts.

We talked for a month on the phone and decided to meet. He stayed with me for a week. When he arrived, I had gifts for him and nice thank you cards because he comforted me about my mom. He used me for that week and did not answer my calls again. Now, I just met another guy online two weeks ago.

I send him nice text messages everyday, nice emails and ecards etc. I swear to God I am so good to people. He tells me today that I talk too much and that I make him nervous by being "overly" kind. This hurt me so bad. I knew he was kind of cooling off with me last week..


I'm scaring myself because I have been thinking of killing myself all last week and today. I'm so hurt. Why would these guys be so mean to someone who is being so kind? I have been trying to find the answer to this. I'm so lonely and I want to get married. I'm very romantic and very loving to everyone I know. Without my mom, and now I can't even find love, I see no sense of going on.

It's hard making friends and forget about dating. What am I doing wrong???? It's getting so bad I'm having trouble caring for the three foster kids who are my cousins. I get angry at them and have no energy most times for them. What kind of life is this? I work from home so everyday is just work and the kids. I want to get married and have a nice family but no guys seem to like me.

How can you get annoyed at someone who gives you gifts and all of the love you could ever need???? I'm really fed up. I don't want to really die but I'm tired of this life. When that feeling comes over me, it's so strong. I'm not depressed at all. Just very hurt and I feel so unwanted.

How can I have feel good about myself without having a man or being married and just love me for me and be happy? I pray someone here can help me or advise me..


Thank you..

Comments (7)

 Can you SEE the pattern that's been going on with these guys you've met. Here's what I see: you're TOO nice, guys repel you..

 Have you considered seeking professional help? I'm no 'pro', but I get the sense that you have some 'co-dependant' issues going on that need to be resolved. Why do I think that? B/c you're too nice to people and you care TOO much about what people think and feel, and you neglect you're own feelings and needs. In other words, you put 'others' needs in front of your own, which is the opposite of healthy..

 I can't help the feelings you have, but I guarantee if you value you're life, you will seek help from a professional, instead of us amateurs..


Comment #1

Hey,I second getting professional help. Sounds to me like you've been through a lot with your mother dying. My mum is terminally ill at the moment and I threw myself at the wrong guys over the last year, don't think I even liked them. I think they can sense the pain, and if it's the wrong person it'll make you feel even worse (well it did with me).You really need to talk about what's gone on a bit more (have you spoke to anyone about this at length?) Someone dying to you that you're close to really throws around your insides and feelings (as you know), when my dad died when I was younger I didn't deal with it, no-one did and it made things really awful. I got a lot of therapy which did help, wish I'd done it earlier.Try and get help, I'm based in Uk so not sure what you have in the US... but over here we have free organisations to talk about bereavement.

And once you start talking you may find there are organisations/support to help you with the practical things like looking after 3 kids, that's a lot for you to deal with after your mother's death.Good luck, Elles x..

Comment #2

Hi Atanese,.

Glad to have you back on the board!!!.

I'm so sorry about your Mom and BFF.  You are so strong to take care of the kids!!!.

First off - no one is worth you taking your life!!!  Men will come and go and you will know when you find someone special and worth giving gifts too.  Hold back and don't put so much effort into all of this dating (online dating with junk and things will just clink into place!!.

Please also check out these other boards.  I think you will find more than dating (online dating with support and you need more than dating (online dating with support!!.




You're going through a lot right now.  Don't be hard on yourself.  Does your community have some resources that can help you with the kids?.

Best wishes!!.




Comment #3

Find your way to a professional counselor.  Not all people dislike people who do nice things for them.  However, some people could perceive the gifts and thoughtful emails and ecards as trying to buy their love and then that makes them uneasy and annoyed..

Counseling will help sort things out for you and help put you on a track where you can learn to like yourself for who you are whether or not you have a man or a mother. ..

Comment #4

Hi Atanese,.

Just wanted to check in with you.  Remember we are all hear as your support.  You aren't alone.  I found another resource for you.  1-800-suicide.  This is a good start to getting some help offline..

Best wishes,.



Comment #5

Hi Atanese,.

My name is Poppy, and I am the cl of the Crisis Center, one of the boards that Kristie wrote you about..

Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mom. That must be really tough since you were also close friends. The past year was a difficult year for my family and I because we lost so many close family members (my uncles, cousins) as well as beloved friends. It seems as though for the past 14 months we've been going to funerals and wakes every few weeks, so I have an inkling of how you are feeling. But of course it can't compare to your loss. How are you coping with your grief? How are you adjusting and coping with being a big sister/surrogate mom to the three kids? How old are they? How are *they* coping with their loss and the huge changes in their lives?.

I am sorry, too, that you have been having difficult experiences with dating. Based on what you wrote, and especially since you are having suicidal thought I think that right now is time that you need to dedicate to yourself. You've been through a lot lately, and our minds and bodies need time to grieve, heal, and adjust to the new situation. It takes time to build a new equilibrium in our lives and to be able to stand on firm ground again. If you are not currently seeing a therapist, I would like to urge you to do so..

Here are two numbers for you to keep close and to use should the suicidal thoughts come again:.

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK.

The counsellors there are available 24/7. A lot of times talking to someone - whether a family member, a friend or a hotline - will alleviate a lot of the pressure and the grief that we carry inside of us and will really help to keep us safe..

If you aren't seeing a therapist, please contact your primary care physician asap. Tell her/him that you are having suicidal thoughts. Are you sleeping well? Are you eating well?.

Here's something to read

Atanese, if you'd like to talk more you can find me at the Crisis Center. In the meantime, please check in either here or at the Crisis Center to tell us how you are doing. You are in our thoughts and we're all sending you positive vibes..


Comment #6

(((HUGS))), I'm sooo sorry for your loss, but please consider contacting someone at the resources the others provided for you. The boards here are wonderful places to get support and advice, especially Crisis Center, but I also think you should call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK, too. Like the boards, they're always available to listen to you talk about everything you're dealing with, but replies there come without even a moment's delay.

Please call them and come back soon to let us know how you're doing!.

(((HUGS))) again,.

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Comment #7

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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