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Exclusivity? or not...

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I suppose I don't really know where to go at this point...I met a guy at the beginning of August. We emailed for awhile, called for awhile, and finally went on a few really fun (& real) dates. We have started sleeping together and we talk, email, or IM every day, at least once a day. I think we've really gotten to know each other pretty well over that time period - which is now around the one-month mark. Even though we both haven't come out and said it point-blank, we're not sleeping around with other people, and as far as I know, I've been the only girl he's been talking with and seeing on a regular basis. I am not (and don't want to) seeing any other guys & I see real potential in this guy that I'm "dating" (i guess that's what you'd call it), but I don't know if he feels the same way.

Nothing is very clear cut with dating/exclusivity/relationships and It's been over 2 years since I've dated anyone and I'm not even sure of what I should or should not be doing in this situation. What I don't know, is when (or if, for that matter) we should have an exclusivity talk or how to even broach the subject! Any advice would be super helpful in this situation. Thanks!..

Comments (7)

Your question was: Exclusivity? or not....

You have only known the guy for 1 month, you are still learning each other. No matter how well you think you know him, the real person usually doesn't start showing themselves until 6 months. Just because you have had sex doesn't mean anything but sex, until you have a talk with him, if he is seeing other people or not and you agree. Don't EVER Assume anything. It is too early for the exclusive/committed talk, because you really don't know each other yet. Since you are having sex, you do need to talk with him to see if he is having sex with other people.

The only way to do that is to talk to the man, see if you are on the same page. Good luck..

Comment #1

For me personally, it's important to have a clear agreement with someone I'm sleeping with that we are exclusive and monogamous, so I would bring it up. I would also want to know that we are on the same page with the type of relationship (thru Match.com) we want, although at just one month into it, it's too soon to know whether you'll eventually have that type of relationship (thru Match.com) with this guy. So I ask early on what type of relationship (thru Match.com) the guy is looking for in general, so I at least have an idea that we're on the same page (of course, there's no guarantee that he's being truthful, but at least if he says he's not looking for something serious and you are, you can evaluate things based on that information).Sheri..

Comment #2

I agree with Sheri overall, but I dont feel that one month is too soon. I have had these conversations at about one month with men in the past who I wished to date using Match.com seriously and it worked out okay...

Comment #3

First be friends and get to know each other before getting into bed. After you know whether or not you want to continue seeing each other, then you can think of committment and exclusivity. good luck..

Comment #4

Im in a similar situation as you are!Although, I dont think one month is too soon to have the exclusivity talk. It all depends on the couple, how much you two spend quality time together, how much you share with each other etc.Since you've already slept with him, and he's still sticking around and his behaviour towards you doesnt seem to have changed, then I think it's legitimate to have this talk. I personally would want to know whether he is sleeping with other ppl, because now we're dealing with personal health issues. You have the right to know...

Comment #5

It's only been a month so too early to talk about exclusivity. But you can talk in general about what each of you eventually wants and perhaps touch on if he feels this has potential to become a serious relationship (thru Match.com) in time.

,..

Comment #6

I agree. Communication is key and 1 month is early on. Men and women often take sex differently - for him, again it doesn't necessarily mean, okay, now we're a couple.  But you need to take care of your health - hopefully you are using protection and you do have a right to know if he's having sex with others at this point.

,..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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