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Does match.com make dating easier or more difficult?

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My first question is: Does match.com make dating easier or more difficult?.

My next question is: I was initially very interested in dating (online dating with Match.com) this guy from work until I found out he had been married 3 times during his twenties. His last divorce was in 1992, this marriage lasted 6 months, the other two last 2 years each. Is he a risk.........? All other aspects of his life are great, good job, good family, etc. I am attracted to him, he is funny, intelligent, good looking and very interested. Should I go for it? BTW I have never been married and have no children...

Comments (18)

Your question was: Does match.com make dating easier or more difficult?.

He seems impulsive and doesnt think about the long term consequences about what he is doing.  Has that changed in him?  If he has learned and grown from those experiences...why not date using Match.com him?  Just watch out for him jumping before he leaps in other areas of life too...

Comment #1

I agree with ragingangel. If you are interested, date using Match.com him, that's how you find out if someone is right for you. I don't think his past precludes you dating (online dating with Match.com) him, worry about that when he asks you to marry him! Until then enjoy finding out if it would be worth a try...

Comment #2

Should I ask why they divorced him, he was the defendant in all of his cases? He has no criminal hx, no one has anything bad to say about him. He built a house in 1991, got married and 6 months later she files for divorce, what's up with this?..

Comment #3

I would say that the answer to your question is yes, date using Match.com him.  We all have issues, every one of us, and so the question will ultimately be is there an issue that keeps the relationshp from progressing.  But at least from a surface level rashness in his 20s and 16 years of batchelorhood are not deal killers, so yes, go for it..

However, the rash 3 marriages in his 20s would not worry me so much as the follow-up 16 years of batchelorhood.  The two 40something forever batchelors who I know are still batchelors for a reason.  One because he has soft-core stalker attritibutes.  It doesn't sound like your guy is like this guy.  The other one is still a batchelor because he has this very idealized view of the woman he will marry.  He doesn't just want someone who is attractive, intelligent, and fun.  He also wants mid-30s, blond, blue eyed, a PhD in Physics, and her name should be Susan and.well, you get my point.   He's idealized to the point that no one will meet the criteria.  Now this guy, I actually date using Match.com him here and again, b/c he's fun, and I'm not in any get-married quick mode.  But I digress..

My point is that there are reasons guys are still batchelors at this age.  So I vote for going out, dating (online dating with Match.com) him, having fun, but sooner or later get to the bottom of why he has never had a lasting relationship...

Comment #4

"Should I ask why they divorced him, he was the defendant in all of his cases? ".

This is all stuff you should find out while you are dating (online dating with Match.com) him. I wouldn't put him through an interview first though, but if you start hanging out with him it should come up. If it doesn't that is a red flag. How open he is to talking about these things is a good indicator of his potential for a mate. The first couple of dates is just to get a feel for how much more you want to get to know someone. Is there common interests, sexual chemistry, that sort of thing.

You have a reason to be concerned but I don't think you have to make up your mind before dating (online dating with Match.com) him, just before marrying him or choosing to stay in a long term relationship. Be open but aware..

Its possible that the relationships didn't work because he just had bad judgement and chose women who weren't right for him, maybe who were even just using him for the moment because he was helpful. Perhaps it even explains why he hasnt' been in another long term relationship (thru Match.com) since, he doesn't trust his own judgement. Or he might be a difficult person to be with, but you'll have to date using Match.com him to find these things out, just make sure that if you've dated him for a month or two and he still hasn't opened up about why the divorces happened, then call it off...

Comment #5

"Be open but aware".

Thanks, I needed to hear it is OK to feel a little suspicious. I don't want to be judgmental and I thought because of my history of never marring may have been clouding my judgment. So, you say why haven't I been married, that's a whole other thread...

Comment #6

Hi,.

Just wanted to kinda change your focus a little..

You said you work with this guy..

Have you thought that through?If you do work out will that be a problem at work and if it does not work out are you going to be able to handle seeing him at work?..

Comment #7

I recently changed jobs, I used to work with him. I also went to High School with him, but I did not remember him, he is two years younger than me. On our very first meeting he remembered me from school and when he told me his sisters name I remembered her. This guy has the same up bringing and family back ground as I do. We attended private Catholic school, we are both Italian, our families own business...

Comment #8

Well that is a good thing (about not working with him now).

Just remember like you said you can never go back over some bridges once you have.

Crossed them..

I agree with the other post.He has been single for awhile so maybe he got over.

What ever issues he had about marriage and all..

Besides as us girls know sometimes we just have rotten luck with picking loves so maybe that.

Was what was happening with him..

You never really know until you try..

 .

I wish you all the best in what ever you decide...

Comment #9

There is no harm in asking how those divorces happened.  He may be very open about what went on and you'll find out more about him.  Maybe he fell in love real fast and didnt bother to assess what type of person (quality) he was permitting to enter his life.  We've all done rash things or didnt see warning signs or in some cases ignored warning signs...

Comment #10

 Why did he get married so many times and what did he learn from the experiences? How has he changed? What are his goals, philosophies now? They are red flags but get to know him, his background and who he is now before making a decision.

,..

Comment #11

Yes again really get to know who he is and how his past has changed him. There's no rush.  It'll be good for him to see it's not necessary to rush as well.

,..

Comment #12

I have no idea why he would get married 3 times with one year in-between each one, but what really bothers me is that the women filed for divorce. What is wrong with this guy? How and when do I talk about this, I don't think he will bring it up early on, but I gotta know...

Comment #13

NEWS FLASH ! I have located an Ex Girlfriend, possibly and Ex-Fiance if you can believe that, this guy likes to be married. Should I talk to her or could this blow the whole thing before it gets started? According to a mutual friend he is not involved with anyone right now, so there should be no reason for a cat fight. How should I go about this?..

Comment #14

<<NEWS FLASH ! I have located an Ex Girlfriend, possibly and Ex-Fiance if you can believe that, this guy likes to be married. Should I talk to her or could this blow the whole thing before it gets started? According to a mutual friend he is not involved with anyone right now, so there should be no reason for a cat fight. How should I go about this?...

How about if you like the guy, you stop freaking out about everything and get to know HIM rather than Nancy Drew'ing all around his past and asking exes??  How would you feel if some guy you were interested started digging up things from your past by asking ex boyfriends about your past relationships, why you got together, why you broke up, etc.?  If you like him, date using Match.com HIM.  These things will come out in time if you date using Match.com for very long.  And in the long run, it is much better if you get this info from his mouth instead of sneaking around behind his back asking everyone and their dog what they have to say. .

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 .

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Comment #15

I am over analyzing a bit, but I do appreciate you opinion. Most of the information I have I got through free public records on the net, so I have only talked to one person about him. I Nancy Drew everything, I prefer to call it research, but why wouldn't I put as much effort in to researching who I am going to spend time with as I would the next car I buy...

Comment #16

<< I prefer to call it research, but why wouldn't I put as much effort in to researching who I am going to spend time with as I would the next car I buy.  >>.

Because a car is an inanimate object ... a thing ... not a person who can answer and give you info FIRST-HAND ... and can actually give you the background on this 'research' ... if only you were to ask.  ;-)..

Comment #17

Well I'd worry his past way earlier than when he asks you to marry him.

But yes, dating (online dating with Match.com) someone is how you get to know him.

,..

Comment #18


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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