I like Sheri's response - it could work with a little tweaking. .
I also liked how my second ex husband approached it. He asked me one day, "if we are getting along as well as we are today at ____ months, could you see us getting married one day?" Obviously someone coached him in this area because he knew to keep the issue of marriage (in general) out of the discussion and kept it to me and him. .
I wouldnt want to marry someone just because he wants to be "married" in general. Well, you can marry just about anyone out there - if you want to say you are "married." There are people out there who date using Match.com for marriage - and then they'll squeeze someone into the marriage framework because that is their long term goal...not because this is the right person to marry. So they end up marrying the wrong person. As someone who is twice divorced, if I found myself in this situation I would more receptive to a man if he expressed that he wanted to marry ME. ..
If the couple is at the point where they've been together long enough to know each other very well (at least 6 months IMO), then your approach would work..
I was assuming the couple in question hadn't been together very long so that's why I phrased it the way I did. It totally depends on the timing, I think. .
I don't agree that being open to getting married means you'd marry just anyone though! I'm open to getting married again in the general sense, but I sure as heck am not going to decide to marry a particular man until we've been together for quite a while and know each other very well and know we are compatible in all important respects, and I would hope that any man I was involved with felt the same way. I would think that's much more the norm than what you're suggesting..
"Do you see yourself being married one day?".
Or ... if a guy has already been married before ... "do you see yourself being married again one day?".
Just bring it up in casual conversation ... putting in within the context of a "where do you see yourself in a year, 2 years, 5 years?" type of convo. .
If he doesn't say anything about being married while sharing his goals, you can just say "... and do you see yourself being single or married in 5 years?".
Of course, he could still just say "oh no, I hope to have someone special in my life.".
Yah, be mindful of the 'someone specials' ... a guy can always find a 'someone special' to have in his life ... but that doesnt mean he's commitment or marriage-minded. If he can't answer the "single or married" question but puts a little spin on it (like above) ... that means, he's not interested in getting married but he doesn't want to say that because he thinks you're a cool chick and wouldn't want you to bail so early in the relationship. ..
Yes, my second ex husband and I had been dating (online dating with Match.com) for a few months when he asked that question..
In the initial stages of dating (online dating with Match.com) your suggestion, of course, is more appropriate. Unless of course you are asking someone like me...because I wouldnt just say "yeah, I'd like to be married one day." Because the fact of the matter is I've been married and I 've encountered many men who dont really impress me - especially enough to marry them. I've been married twice. For me, it would be more like, "I would be open to it if the guy was real special in a lot of ways." .
Most people want to be married and then look to find someone to marry. For me it is the other way around. If I met the right person I would probably entertain the thought of marriage...but not unless I met the right person. .
I didnt intend to suggest that if one is open to marriage it means that one would marry just anyone. It is just that I have met people throughout my life who are desperate to be married - every date using Match.com is filled with intense suspense and scrutiny about marriage material and they search at bars and clubs with that desperate mentality .... and oh my goodness...how exhausting. ..
It's something you have a right to know, especially since you're exclusive. What does being exclusive mean to him? Where might this go someday? Not that you feel anything needs to happen in the near or even not that near future but you want to know if your over all goals and philosophies mesh. You also have a right to know his feelings on having kids, and other really crucial issues and sooner vs later is better to have a not do or die pressured conversation about this topic but a hey, getting to know each other better sharing kind of chat.