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Does Happily Ever After Exist?

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Hey Everyone,Some of you may be familiar with me and my past dating (online dating with Match.com) dramas so forgive me in advance, but Ive hit a low spot. And not with the ghosting issue I was dealing with by the ex guy friend, that may be in part too, but I dunno. Last week was very straining on me as I had to help a close friend move on from her abusive relationship. I was ever so willing to help her get out and away from that guy, but I personally felt sorry for her and the situation. I cant say much about the guy bcuz I didnt know him. When they started going out she never came around and if she did she didnt mention him at all.

She was thrilled and overjoyed when she finally took that step and left. Im happy for her. Then I have another friend whos married to a guy she met online thru a friend online (got it?) total LDR. The two only spoke briefly but soon enough she married him against what everyone else told her. Theyve been married for a year but it took some time for him to move in with her due to work and her children.

Well there moved in and it's been nothing but drama, fighting, yelling and just no getting along. I dont feel this guy who has no children has any idea of how to be father to her kids. I think he may also be overwhelmed. She calls non stop and is at her breaking point of wanting out. Im sad for her.Now me, Ive dated guys (came into the dating (online dating with Match.com) game a little late in life) but Ive enjoyed spending time with these guys until, yes UNTIL I find there not and never was really into me.

But after seeing what my friends went thru and the treatment Ive dealt with in my past relationships it makes me sad and very nervous about what my future may holds. Id like to be married one day, I want to have children (I think the children more then the marriage at this point) but I believe in family. Dealing with all of this and seeing it, it makes me wonder. I do have friends that are happily married and though they have their up s and downs they work them thru, but I guess it's easier to focus on the negatives then the positives. The last guy I dated left and that was that no matter how nice I was or how I asked for him to just say what was up, he didnt care to, and now I see him and hes totally moved on and happy and then I wonder damn what did I do and how come I can find that one.

Sorry it was so longLee..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Does Happily Ever After Exist?.

Hey girlie...sorry to see you so blue. I am twice divorced so I am no one to give advice on the happily ever after deal. Sometimes I think the media conjures up impossible images for men and women to uphold so both men and women can be disgruntled with life.Since you do have friends that are married and content overall...why not spend some time with them or talk with them. By doing that you'll be exposed to the who, what, where, when and why's of how they dated...how they knew who was the right person to settle down with, and so on. Like you said they have had encountered some bumps in the road, but managed to steer around them. It is during a crisis that you learn what someone is made of..so luckily they did end up marrying the right people.

The only thing is...your friends may have dated long ago when dating (online dating with Match.com) was different, so they may not be able to help you navigate through today's dating (online dating with Match.com) scene.It sounds like your two friends who are troubled made bad decisions. Some people make bad decisions out of fear...fear of being alone..as well as just needing to be on the arm of a man.The guy who ghosted on you has issues and is too immature to date using Match.com anyone, let alone a great gal like you. dating (online dating with Match.com) is not pleasurable because of all the losers you have to date using Match.com to expose yourself to a decent person.I know the current climate has you feeling sad and scared about your future. We all feel the same way. And because you want kids, it hits home harder for you.

Do you have to speak with him ever? Like in a work setting? He is rude. And for some reason..people have changed and are OK with rudeness and immaturity these days. It is not acceptable to blow people off."Has any one ever felt like finding the one was just NOT possible and all of a sudden he/ she was there and you didnt even realize when they arrived?"> That would be nice, wouldn't it? I'm not sure if there is a "one" for me...but I am living an unusal situation and the guy that is right for me is one who needs to have certain qualities so that I can admire him. For me, the key is that I need to admire something about the guy who I want to be in a long term relationship (thru Match.com) with. I dont need another coward like my second ex husband who practically handed me over to a sicko doctor who was obsessed with me and who couldn't muster up the courage to stand up to this sick group of people and try to save me and make sure that he didn't go along with any degrading or humiliating treatment of me.

We had problems and I wanted to address the problems BEFORE getting pregnant..I know...how different...to NOT use children to patch up problems in a marriage. But he was destined to have an affair because he had a meltdown at 30 years old and instead of dealing with his meltdown in a productive way...he chose to feel an escape for a while, which cost him his job in the end. Of course now over 15 years later...he's doing just fine...but he did have to deal with his second divorce and cheating on the second wife too. Because of what happened to me in life, my list of qualities that I would like to see in a man is probably different than most women. I need someone who will stand by my side, have faith in me, respect me and treat me in a respectful manner, respect my mind, deal with others fairly, protect me and not be so impressionable that it could cost me my life ( like ex husband #2).

People talk a good talk, but it is through actions that I will see what I need to see. But, he will do what he is compelled to do whether it is loving me the way I need to be loved or not. I want to believe he is different. So many guys will say "I love you"...okay so you feel love for me...but do you and I agree on the definition of love and loving behavior? I can only state how I want and deserve to be treated...the rest is in his hands. All I know is that I cant be with a man who participates in any degrading or humiliating treatment of me.

The reason they are troubled is because his words and actions dont' match. Sometimes it is due to the fact that he just blows smoke up the woman's skirt with the "I love you"..other times it is because he is incapable of loving the woman the way she needs to be loved. It is also important to love a man the way HE needs to be loved...otherwise he will feel that the woman doesn't love him.I hope you have a better afternoon =(..

Comment #1

Hey Hun,How are you? How are things? I so wanted to email you my latest drah-ma lol but didn't want to put you on overkill .No I didn't see him phsycially just his damn pics (not since the last time but that photo plays over in my head sometimes (he's happy) like he was totally real and totally did me a favor I guess, but that part is ok. The general was my main focus, like you said sometimes we make bad choices due to the fear of being alone. So true! I just needed to hear someone else relate I guess. Thank you! All the best, hope thigns are moving smoothly for ya.Lee..

Comment #2

Things are the same here. Oh good..you dont have to actually encounter him physically. Just the pictures can bring back the memories...I know. Email me anytime you like. You can click on my profile and it will send your email to me.Happily ever after is a wonderful dream that many do not achieve. We are primed to "go for it" "want it all" so it is natural to want happily ever after.

So who is better off us or them? Like I mentioned in my above post the man I was interested in breaks my heart because I can see "him" and I wanted that person but he has a choice to make. Either he allows people to use him to hurt me, try to piss me off...basically manipulate me OR he stands out from the crowd and does the right thing. Some people like to use other peoples' lives to illustrate the "power of forgiveness"...bullsh$t! People like to play games with other's lives like the movie "cruel intentions". I dont have to forgive him or anybody if I dont want to and I am entitled to my feelings and justice and he is not my last chance at romance. I wont suck up him being a coward just to have a guy.

Hopefully he does see the severity of this situation and doens't take it lightly like he has already. I would think that if he were normal he would want a woman who respects him and would, in turn, respect her feelings about subjects that are important to her. Not everything in the world is a big deal to a woman, but respect is a big deal. If someone purposely tries to piss you off then they are immature, at best. And if this is all a ruse so he acts like a sh$t so I have a poor impression of him or just to show me how different he is in relating to me one on one, then he is still not the right person for me because he ALLOWED that to happen.

This is REAL LIFE..not role play. He may be mistaking me for a woman who is a player in this sick crap. So...the bubble keeps bursting. But hopefully this wont drag on too much longer...

Comment #3

I agree, I love theatre and all a lot, but I really would rather not be masquerading around my feelings, no thanks. I dont' want to sond sour but I do think that 'Happily Ever After' is just imagination. Yes it may be possible for someone to turn to me and say it applies to them that's fine but I just find it hard to believe. One never knows...

Comment #4

Never say never. You dont sound sour. Many women live the dream in their heads. Some do hit the jackpot but most dont...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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