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Does eharmony and match.com really work?

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My first question is: Does eharmony and match.com really work?.

My next question is: I met a guy through work, about 9 months ago. I'm in sales and he is a customer of mine, a chiropractor. Since then, he was always flirtacious and so very nice. About two months ago, I decided to become a patient of his so that I could see him more often, once a week. I began going back to his house after my appointments for a different kind of "adjustment" 4 weeks ago and now really like this guy. Typically we would talk once or twice a week.

On my way home I text him and thanked him for a wonderful day and he said it was him that should be thanking me, that it was great! However, I am disappointed that I haven't heard from him more since having the date. Am I being too anxious, or could it really be just sex?..

Comments (7)

Your question was: Does eharmony and match.com really work?.

Does it really matter if it is just the sex? If so why now? You started having sex with him before finding out what the relationship (thru Match.com) was..that is all on you, it is usually best to find that out BEFORE sex becomes involved.He has no morals, or professional ethics. Why would you want someone that was lacking in those qualities, doesn't say much about him does it? He can lose his license and he should.If he wanted to date using Match.com you he should have told you to get another doctor so that there would be nothing unprofessional about this relationship. With his lack of ethics I am sure there have been others before you and there will be others after you UNTIL it blows up in his face...

Comment #1

Sounds like you have more expectations then you thought you did when becoming a patient to see him more.  I agree he's crossed the line professionally..

Carrie..

Comment #2

You became his patient to get closer... and he did. That actually sounds a tad unethical to me on his part and a bit too intense on yours.

Since you are now dating (online dating with Match.com) I guess you won't be his patient anymore? And yes try to pull back and not be too anxious, over-eager, etc.  It will scare him and also make you lose perspective.  Focus on other things in your life that are positive and nurturing.

,..

Comment #3

Definitely sounds like the hooking up is center in his mind, not the potential of your relationship. Ok, I mentioned this in another post, and I'm getting ready to post a question even having read this book, but I highly (HIGHLY) recommend reading 'He's Just Not That Into You'. Not saying that is or isn't your situation, but I suspect you will find some of the stuff in there extremely relevant and refreshing and you'll know immediately how to read this situation...

Comment #4

You said that you decided to become a patient so that you could see him more often.  Did you actually need chiropractic treatment?  Did he give you any type of diagnosis or bill you for treatments?  Or did you kid around during the treatments, because you had this history and he picked up on your interest?  There are a few points to the chiropractor - patient relationship (thru Match.com) that seem to be missing, specifically whether or not the appointments were a "ruse" that both of you were in on from the beginning.   .

In any event, it sounds like you're in an FWB set-up.  It sounds like the relationship (thru Match.com) is about the sex; but it was set that way.  It sounds like there may be a few fictions out there, but it was set up that way as well.  And this guy, he's in a happy place that batchelors perhaps love:  no bindings; great sex; and a cool woman he can call at his leisure.  I think he'll call, of course he'll call, because he's still in that happy place  The problem is that you want to make it more, take this to the next level. .

I think you need to get him to breakfast or lunch, an early meeting so there is no post-date trip-to-the-bedroom, and open the lines of communication.  Maybe he's interested and maybe he's not; and about the only way IMO to find out is to see how you are together, now that you've had sex, but without the sex.  Maybe he's not interested, but now that your heart is involved and your intentions are forming, you need to know where he's at.  So that you don't spend the next few months meeting up and acting like the casual sex is okay, but then fretting and wondering whether or not he's going to call.  I think there's hope, he did what a normal guy would do, really.  The question about whether he'll go deeper is an open one.  I think the answer is simple; meet for lunch or invite him to the park or whatever, try to form a relationship (thru Match.com) that's outside the bedroom. .

 ..

Comment #5

I wanted to thank you for the advice. It was very helpful, and exactly what I did. We are now dating, outside the bedroom. We have had 3 more dates since my last message which included walking in the park, dinner at a nice restaurant and even a bike ride. We are enjoying each other's company and we talk on the phone frequently. So far, things are going very well...

Comment #6

I agree. You have to judge someone by their actions, not by what you wish he was like. And his actions are QUITE unethical.

,..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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