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Does anyone have the 1 877 number for match.com?

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My first question is: Does anyone have the 1 877 number for match.com?.

My next question is: Hi all,.

I need someone to knock some sense into me...I think I am going totally crazy over someone and I am not sure why..

Ok, I met this guy, call him "J"(I am 25 and he is 33) in the beginning of April. The reason why I started to talk to him was because I was looking for friends and J wasnt my type AT ALL and I knew there would be nothing between us. I had gotten out of a long, emotionally draining and destructive relationship (thru Match.com) last november and just wanted male company, but just platonic. Well, we started to hang out, mostly going to bars/dancing as we both enjoy the big city nightlife. We ended up hooking up rather early on after meeting each other (which I now regret) and continued to do so.  .

In the beginning, I made it very clear to him that we were nothing but friends because I was concerned he may become attached, which is what I did not want. Sometimes he'd be a bit too eager with me, which forced me to push him away. We would go out, I'd talk to other guys, act single etc, which is what I was. He would watch from the sidelines, say nothing, act normal when I talked to all these other guys, so everything was great. Me talking to other guys didnt seem to bother him one bit, so everything was cool, I thought.

Well, fast forward to about 3 weeks ago. I didn't think it would happen but I became attached to him..very much so (probably because we were sleeping together). I didnt tell him of my feelings at all, but he became much more distant towards me and told me it would no longer be a good idea that we were seeing each other in "that context", e.g. hooking up. I asked him why and he told me that I had neglected him and rejected him for the past 6 weeks while we had been going out and that I had "turned something off inside of him that could not be turned on again" and my behavior was not acceptable when exploring an emotional/sexual relationship. I was very sad (in front of him) that I had made him feel badly and he had never stopped to say anything.

I couldnt understand it, but I kind of let it go and we agreed to remain friends. I wonder if he isnt willing to take a chance with me because he thinks that I could never be faithful to him?? I should mention (not to be big headed at all) but I am a very attractive, tall blonde Scandinavian girl and he isn't very attractive at all but he is a great person and intelligent and that's what I am drawn to in him. Is he being insecure?.

Well, turns out I havent been able to let it go...I am almost obsessive about him at the moment, checking his facebook page every few days, wait for him to come online, wait for a single text msg from him and it drives me absolutely crazy. So last friday I flat out asked him, how can he go from wanting something with me, to being completely turned off in a space of a few days. He then tells me that he cannot be with any girl right now. He is dealing with something from his past and I didn't do anything wrong (I know I didnt, we didnt speak of any exclusivity). Of course it didnt come to my mind to ask him then, why on earth did he make me feel like everything was my fault? Why did he take such a passive aggressive approach? I had asked him before jokingly what was wrong with him that he wasnt married yet or hadnt had a long term relationship (thru Match.com) in a long time...he said to me that friday that "maybe this is whats wrong with me". He wont speak of whatever it is that's making him act like this..

So we have made plans to hang out tomorrow afternoon (by the way, it seems like I have made all the effort to get together or get in touch with him), just some ice cream or something...nothing big. I havent seen him in 2 weeks (since the last time we hooked up, yet again, even tho he already had said it wouldnt happen again, twice), now I am starting to doubt whether I should even go because I have feelings for him and I have so many unanswered questions and I feel confused. .

Men are confusing, I have to say...anybody with any input?Thanks!! ..

Comments (7)

Your question was: Does anyone have the 1 877 number for match.com?.

I'm having a hard time understanding why a woman who is sooo attractive is obsessing over an unattractive man.  Not knocking theguy at all..just something doesnt seem quite right..

You are asking if he is insecure...but is it you who is the insecure one?.

Maybe he just doesnt see an attractive woman inside of you - lets face it you hung out with him while flirting with other men in front of him.  If you want to act single ..dont hang out with your FWB...a totally classless thing to do...

Comment #1

Wow...I come to this board for support/advise, not to be told that I am insecure and classless and I am ugly inside, especially since I am none of those things. I asked for advise, not to be put down...

Comment #2

Just wait until someone tells you you need therapy... lol!  yah, some of the females here can be a lil over the top.  just brush it off your shoulder girly ; ) .

Edited 6/8/2008 9:56 am ET by blairbear89..

Comment #3

If it helps, I completely disagree with ragingangel.  I am told I look great and I will date whomever I wish, regardless of looks.  The intellect, charm, and personality are what I find attractive.  To suggest that there's something not right with my dating (online dating with Match.com) someone based on personality rather than looks is itself just not quite right..

On the other hand,  I never left any of my dates sitting at the end of the bar while I flirted around.   In fact, I daresay, I'd have been left at that bar all by myself!  You have some major fixing to do.  If he's still going out with you, he must still like you.  I recommend:  Tell him you like him; make a point of not flirting with any other men while you're together; and instead be flirty with him.  By "flirty" I'm talking the old-fashioned way of flirting a touch on the arm, a tilt of the head, laugh at his jokes.  I suspect he'll come around. .

Lwara..

Comment #4

Thank you lwara!.

Well, we werent "dating" but rather hanging out as friends...and also, it was generally me out with my buddies and he'd come hang out with us and he was never alone (he came with friends). So I saw nothing wrong with giving my number to other guys and talking to them..

I told him that I like him as more than a friend but he said to me for the second time that he's sorry, but he just cannot, but likes me a lot and would like to remain friends. So that's what we're doing; being friends.

I am about to go hang out with him now, just watch a movie and get ice cream, nothing else. And that is how I will take it also...

Comment #5

This is the danger of getting 'involved' with someone you really aren't that into - you still get attached and used to their presence. Consider it this way - working a part time job for 40 hours doesn't make it a full time job - it just takes a full time effort without real benefit and keeps you unavailable for what you really want..

I would look at this as more of a situation of this guy wanted more than you were willing to give - and he finally spoke up for his own best interests - and your kneejerk reaction is that you get obsessive.  You really didn't 'want' him full time when you had access to him - is your obsession for him now because of a great love and desire to add joy and happiness to his life or because you aren't able to have what was in essence 'comfort' of someone who wanted you?.

HOn, usually it's the opposite scenario that gets posted here - guy isn't 'that' into a woman for whatever reason and decides to move on. YOu said yourself "I was looking for friends and J wasnt my type AT ALL and I knew there would be nothing between us' - nothing changed except his willingness to be your FWB. Otherwise, you would have treated him with more consideration when you had the opportunity. .

So look at this with a realistic and rational mind - what you are obsessing over losing isn't love but rather someone who provided you comfort, companionship and attention according to your terms. He decided that wasn't enough for him. Let him go gracefully - it's seems you want him for the wrong reasons.

Learn the lessons here - always be clear what you want and communicate that clearly to others. do not change the rules midway through withoutalso communicating what's changed. Always treat people with courtesy and respect regardless of their role in your life. Let go of what isn't meant for you with grace and dignity. Never go out with someone just to have something to do - that's unfair to the other person..

Toni..

Comment #6

Thanks for your replies..

Well, basically here's what's happened now. We saw each other yesterday, it was way too hot to go anywhere or do anything so we ended up watching a movie at his place. I could (and I think he also) just feel the 'electricity" between him and I while sitting next to each other on the couch and watching the movie. We then just talked while inching our way closer to each other. We ended up holding hands and cuddling.

He is also very careful to point out his doings and comings and goings, to point out that he made himself available to me the whole Sunday (I didnt leave til 9pm) and when he gets a text, he tells me exactly who's texting ("oh it's my friend Mike")...I find that interesting. There's also something about the way he looks at me.

Maybe I am reading too much into this but yes, I screwed up and yes, I am trying to show him that I am not like "that" at all. Whether or not he is receptive to that, I am not sure, I guess time will only tell in the end. I do remember him saying to me in the beginning that we need to be friends first when I asked him "so what are we?". So who knows...I am just trying to thread carefully to protect my own heart.

What do you all think? ..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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