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Does anyone have any positive or negative opinions about match.com?

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My first question is: Does anyone have any positive or negative opinions about match.com?.

My next question is: Okay I'm 38,almost divorced,have two boys(8 and 10),and virtually no dating (online dating with Match.com) experience.  He is 25, my kids gym teacher, and knows about my unstable ex (tiny town everyone knows).  So with all the red flags around me why would he bring me and my friends shots, stay with me,take me and one friend(with his one friend) out for pizza, walk us to my car and then invite us up to the apartment if he wasn't interested?  All this happened a few weeks ago at a local bar.  The next time we communicated was email about a summer camp he runs and he asked why he didn't see me out at the bar again that past weekend.  I sent back a note saying I'm trying to get out more now that I'm single and thanked him for the fun time...no response from him.  He did a general email the other day to which I responded and made reference to statements from the bar he wrote back joking as well but still nothing about seeing me again.  He went to my sons baseball game the other night and talked with my mom because I was at my other sons game.  Did he go hoping to see me or because he knows all the players?  I have only seen him once and that was driving past him so all we could do was wave.  I know I sound like a teenager with a crush but I can't help it.  We had also gone on a hike with our dogs and my boys to see if he wanted my dog...he didn't take the dog and it wasn't clear if he was there for me or the dog.  There have been other little indicators over the past months but nothing clear and I need a sign from him before I will put myself out there.  By the way I declined going up to the apartment and now think he may have felt rejected.  He is very genuine and not a player type so I don't think it was an invite for sex but who knows.  I feel frustrated and just want to move on if he isn't interested but don't want to miss this chance if he is just shy.  Also, it is a different world from when I last dated at the age of 17! Thanks for any feedback it's appreciated...

Comments (10)

Your question was: Does anyone have any positive or negative opinions about match.com?.

The invite to his apt was probably an invitation for sex. Maybe he is only intosomething casual.  If he wanted to go out with you, he'd do more than invite you up to his apt...

Comment #1

He's 13 years younger than you and your sons' gym teacher.  There is absolutely nothing good that could come of this.  Honestly, to me it sounds like he's interested in sex or nothing at all but is just being nice because he knows you are newly single and you are acquaintances.  Buying you shots and pizza and walking you to your car means absolutely nothing.  The invite to the apartment could have been a friendly gesture or it could have been for sex.  It was not just YOU, it was you and your friend.  Unless he was looking for a threesome, I personally think he's just being friendly - guys definitely do that with no intention of wanting a relationship (thru Match.com) or anything else from you.  If he is interested in more, he'll let you know.  And even if he is, there is a WORLD of red flags and reasons that you should NOT let anything happen..

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Comment #2

It was me, my friend, he, and his friend but the only thing that changes is the threesome part.  I appreciate your comments and will give more thought to the possible bad outcome.  It is just hard to imagine it not being a positive experience if it did go anywhere.  Maybe I'm just blinded by my crush!  Thanks again...

Comment #3

Thats the strange part...he does do subtle things that add up but taken individually may mean very little.  I agree if a person is into you it would be more obvious,however, being such a little community and he being so visible( he also coaches two varsity level teams for the highschool) and well liked /known it seems unlikely that he would just go for a hook up.  Also, it was his friends apt. he lives with his grandfather!  He has not had a serious girlfriend in over a year since his had broken off an engagement with him.  He is very respectful and decent in how he relates to everyone...my friend said if she didn't know better she would've guessed he was a virgin.  I think he is shy and maybe the fact that he had been drinking a little gave him the courage to approach me.  I guess I will just have to let it go and see what the future brings. Thanks..

Comment #4

HI Mollymichpheana,.

Welcome to the board!!.

I'm going to jump in late here.  This is a hard situation and trust me I know your frustration!!!!!  Here you are in a small town with a wild divorce situation.  You have two children to be careful of.  He's your kids teacher and and and.  (can you tell I'm dating (online dating with Match.com) a single father LoL).

If you're up to it, go right up to him and ask him - flat out.  Otherwise - enjoy the flirting and just let nature take it's course.  Sounds like you are just getting back into the dating (online dating with Match.com) game, so keep taking your time and if I can give you any advice - try not to overthink things.  I feel like I'm the queen of this and I'm working on it a lot!!!.

Good Luck,.

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Comment #5

Thanks for your thoughts.  The small town factor is a big one in my courage or lack thereof.  My boys love him and would not be told by me that we were more than friends however, the small town factor would come into play.  I almost never see him and won't ask him out unless it was in person and I could feel out the situation.  I am also a person who "overthinks" stuff when I am feeling unsure so I am working on that.  I can only wait and see at this point so it is a lesson in patience for me...

Comment #6

After reading that he invited you and a group up to the apartment he shares with HIS GRANDFATHER, I truly think this is little more than just being friendly because he knows you're newly single..

No, you don't "wait and see".  Move on with your life.  I doubt anything would come of this and even if it did, it's got red flags the size of Texas waving all over it.  Anything that could develop here is playing with fire.  STOP overthinking and just put it out of your mind.  Be friendly but find your crushes elsewhere that do not have all the problems that this situation has. .

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Comment #7

Okay fine I give up.  More than one person sees this as doomed and I did ask for outsiders opinions so I will take the advice.  Thanks again...

Comment #8

Hon, this is the first attention you've had from a male since your marriage.  There will be others, I guarantee it.  And attention from others that is 1) more appropriate 2) more obvious and 3) more genuine. .

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Comment #9

Trying to read men's minds is quite the challenge. I can think of no other reason for the apartment invite than sex. But regardless, I suggest you continue to live your life as you have been doing, and if he is truly interested in you, then he will let you know. Do NOT chase after him. Believe it or not, this is one quick way to turn a man off and stop any attraction that may have existed dead in it's tracks...

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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