Does anyone have any experience with Does it work?

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My first question is: Does anyone have any experience with Does it work?.

My next question is:  .

Here it is. I have been seeing this man for about 5 1/2 months. When we met, we exchanged numbers and immediatley started contacting eachother. We have gone out on many dates, movies, dinner, lunches, breakfast, sleepovers. Here is my problem......When we met he said he had been hurt in a previous relationship (thru and he never wanted to put himself out there to be hurt again. He said that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship (thru but wanted to be friends.

We continued to see eachother, dates, stuff like that. I have had sleepovers at his house and some at mine and most of the time nothing happens, we usually talk and then go to sleep, or watch some movies. About a month ago, four months into it we had sex. The sex was ok, but my feelings for him were already there so it didn't make that much of a difference. We continued to see eachother after that, he shows me in many was that he cares for me but has never came out and told me he has.

He never tells his feelings ever, so I never know where he stands other than he doesn't want a serious relationship (thru with anyone. So, again last week he came over and we had sex for the second time, and it was good. He spent the night and then I took him back home in the morning, he kissed me several times and then he got out of the car.

Well, since that night he kind of feels a bit distant. He said he would call me Saturday night and ended up not calling me til Sunday evening, which is ok because I know he doesn't owe me anything since we are friends, although in my head I was kind of mad LOL Here is my problem, I don't know what to do anymore. I care for him so much, and I can even say that I love him. It has been so many years that I have even thought of those words, that is why it is so hard for me. This man knows how I feel, because I am person who just puts it all out there and says what I feel without thinking of it first. I have never told him that I love him but he knows all the rest.

I know I allow him to do it and maybe I shouldn't, but it is very hard for me. I was in a relationship (thru from when I was 13 to 26 years old with my daughters father and he cheated on me, so I have some trust issues and some attachment issues. It doesn't take me long to get attached. I don't want to keep wishing that this relationship (thru is going to go somewhere, even though he says it might, that he doesn't know the future, it is killing me to just sit and wait to see if it will ever change but it would kill me more to let him go. So I decided to take a step back and see what happens, no contact and see if he contacts me since I am the pursuer most of the time.

He said Good morning. Darn!! I can't even take a step back because he is back. I'm so confused here. I know you all will tell me just to drop him, but I want you to know it is sure easier than it actually is. Is there an alternative here? Is there anything I can do to help this along? or try and flip things around? I know he cares for me alot.

I am sure most of you are going to say the issues are with me, and I am aware of that, I am trying to work on them. Thanks!..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Does anyone have any experience with Does it work?.

I know you wish there were other alternatives (I've been there, believe me), but basically your options boil down to, fully accepting things AS THEY ARE, or ending it..

Or continuing to be unhappy and frustrated, I guess that's a 3rd option..


Comment #1

Hi Princess,.

I don't this is all about you at all.  It always takes two to make a relationship (thru - whether it is a friendship or a love interest.  His mixed signals are hard to understand and I do understand about mixed signals.  At first, my bf was giving me some too.  See he's a single Dad and we had our alone relationship (thru and our when we are with his family relationship. (now don't get me wrong - to some point this is totally appropriate, but our two times where exact opposites)  I told him about how I felt and he understood.  He worked on showing me in little ways that he wants me around until he was ready to show his children more of us and I worked on having tougher sink..

Sounds like you are both pretty open and honest with each other - good for you!!! This is so hard to do!! Have you talked about how his actions and words send mixed signals.  I don't think you have to give him up, but  you do need time for him to finish grieving his last relationship (thru and to rebuild his confidence.  This time might be good for you too.  If you get easily attached, taking things slowly and giving each of you time will help you both be sure this relationship (thru will work..

I think our society today shows us all of these quick happily ever after relationships and that is unrealistic.  How much can we truly know someone in just a few months - just a thought..

Good luck and try to stay patient..




Comment #2

He told you he did not want a serious relationship, believe him!  Men do not fall in love because the perfect woman comes into their life, they have to be ready first.  There are a million men who would love a no commitment relationship (thru and they will give you just enough to hang on.  But if you are looking for "the one", then realize this is not it and start dating (online dating with other people.  If he wants to step up to the plate, he will...

Comment #3

He continues in "friend" mode because you allow him to treat you that way.  How do you feel about coming out and telling him that you would like to not be treated like a friend but someone who he is dating?  you dont have to tell him you love him at this point.  All you really want to do is to make an impression with him that you care about yourself enough to reach for what you want in life and not settling for less. .

Every person in the world has been hurt in a relationship (thru somewhere somehow - oh boo hoo.  Dont allow that line to detract you from voicing your needs and wants.  Dont allow his hurt from long ago to reposition the respect he needs to have for you.  He wont respect you if you dont respect yourself. ..

Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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