Does anyone have a subscription for, etc. Please help me. I would like to use i

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My first question is: Does anyone have a subscription for, etc. Please help me. I would like to use i.

My next question is: Hello everyone! I am dating (online dating with (almost engaged!) to this guy is absolutely perfect for me. We get along great and our personalities compliment each other wonderfully. We are similar in the things that matter and we give each other balance in other things. For example, he is more organized and I'd rather have fun. I make him less of a stick in the mud and he encourages me to think more responsibly. He is also romantic (flowers and lots of surprises!), shares his feelings with me, loves my kids and he even adores my cat.

Okay, so nobody is perfect, and so I guess the one major problem I have with him is not that bad when compared to all the good. Still, to me this is a big one and I need some advice on how to talk with him about it. He doesn't wear deoderant and as a result his BO can be very strong at times. It's not like I can smell it when he walks into the room, but when we get close it's hard to not notice it. He's very clean otherwise, and I do know that he has an inhibited sense of smell, so I'm sure he's not even aware that he stinks. I, on the other hand, have a very sensitive sense of smell and it really really bothers me to the point that it makes me nauseaus.

And it's only winter! We haven't been together in the summer yet and we live in Arizona. Oh, I can't even imagine what it will be like when he walks in the door after a day of working outside in the 110 degree heat without wearing deoderant. I really think it'll be enough to break up with him. How do I bring this up without hurting his feelings?  I've tried to make sure that he is aware of my sensitive nose, I drop little hints about how the smell of sweat on people really bothers me, and if I'm staying at his house I'll make a point of putting my deoderant out on the bathroom counter so he sees that I wear it, hoping he takes the hint. I don't know. How can you not wear deoderant? Yukkkk!! Any ideas on how to handle this?..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Does anyone have a subscription for, etc. Please help me. I would like to use i.

In Arizona everyone has to wear deodorant - it's really not an option, at least that's how it's always been in my world. No flames for that one, please. I'm just speaking from my own experience and beliefs. You have yours and I have mine. I have never in all my life ever known anyone who doesn't wear it, unless they were that smelly kid that no one liked to sit with at lunch. I lean toward holistic remedies as well, but if I don't wear deodorant to the gym, or out on a hot day, it is obvious. Besides, there is no aluminum (sorry, had to correct your spelling on that starbuck...LOL) in my deodorant and people have been wearing the stuff for decades.

And he does drink a lot of water, fruits and veggies and all that. One of things we already share in is a healthy, borderline health nut diet.  .

But we can argue about the merits of wearing deodorant vs the negative health effects all day. It's a matter of opinon & personal preference. I'd have no problem with him not wearing it, but he stinks and that's the real issue. Deodorant is just the one way I can think of to fix the problem. My question was, how do I tell this guy he stinks without hurting his feelings. Yes, we know each other very well and I feel very comfortable with him.

For some reason the B.O. is different because I know he is unaware of it (He knows when he eats onions, of course his breath reeks! So I'm only confirming what he already knows). It's not like it's an occasional stink and I can just say to him after a stint at the gym "dude, you stink." If I'm asking him to start wearing deodorant it's an ongoing issue and he's not stupid, he'll know. I would be mortified if it were me.

Besides, I've been offering up hints left and right, so I don't think he'll get it if I just start slathering deodorant on him without explaining why. I think this has to be a sit-him-down-and-be-honest conversation. Does anyone have any ideas on how to start the conversation, and how to be direct enough so he'll get it, but sensitive enough to not make him feel self conscious?..

Comment #1

The people who share your viewpoint, at least where I live, are relatively few... You would probably be kicked out of the gym I frequent where deodorant is on the list of rules. I doubt this guy isn't wearing deodorant because he's concerned about his pores...

Comment #2

Overall, I agree with the other poster who said just tell him!  I've been with my BF for almost 5 years ... and when he smells, I say "babe, oooh, a bit ripe today!" ... it doesn't hurt his feelings.   And if saying so DOES hurt your BF's feelings then ... he needs a tougher skin..

I really don't think it needs to be a full-blown serious conversation ... just say, you've noticed his body odor gets to be a bit much and .... because you love him ... you want to do him a favor by letting him know.    You said everyone in Arizona wears deodorant ... but, looks like not everyone.  ;-).

So, that's my advice.   FWIW. .

Also, FYI, aluminum /alumunium can be spelled either way.  The latter is actually the original and proper spelling:

Comment #3

If he doesn't realize it, then he will probably be THANKFUL that you told him. This is just like not telling your best friend she has lipstick on her teeth. It's MEANER not to say anything. And if you're already pointing out stinky breath, then I'm just baffled as to why this is so hard. Example: When I was in high school my biology teacher told us this story: There was a kid in his class that smelled really bad. Teacher told him.

Kid got deodorant, problem solved. The end. It's a fact that men's sense of smell is not as strong as women's.Try asking him why he doesn't wear deodorant, or be like, "I don't know how you don't wear deodorant in this 90 degree weather." Or whatever. Wouldn't you be more mortified if you smelled like BO and he knew and didn't tell you? Or if you had spinach in your teeth and he didn't tell you? Come on, you're an adult and so is he. It's not like you're in 6th grade when everything is SOOOO embarrassing! I think you're going to hurt his feelings more if you DON'T tell him..

Comment #4

Good idea. Anytime you can make something shared, playful, fun - not blaming, it's a great way to go.


Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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