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Do you think "Chocolate Jesus" would be a good name for my online personal ad @ match.com?

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My first question is: Do you think "Chocolate Jesus" would be a good name for my online personal ad @ match.com?.

My next question is: The guy I've been dating tells me he doesn't want a serious relationship (thru Match.com) and that he wants to take it slow and let the relationship (thru Match.com) fall into place. He says that if it's meant to be then it will happen and if not then it wont. However, we've been seeing each other for about a month and although we've had sex, when I'm around him it feels as if he's just not that into me. Every time I go to kiss him he sort of dodges the kiss and he rarely compliments me in any kind of sexual manner. Plus every time we have had sex, it was when we were both drinking but the sex was great. However when we're sober, he never makes a move or kind of makes a stupid remark about having sex but never physically makes the move. We've never had sex sober, only oral sex, and that bothers me because I feel like he only wants to have sex with me when he's drinking.

Some of which I already knew, and I have met most of his family but it still feels like we're mainly friends. However since I he has brought me around his friends and family it makes me think that he does like me more than I think he does. He has mentioned that his last girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him with his best friend and that after her he has dated crazy girls so in turn that leads me to believe that he has commitment and trust issues now. However I still think that if he was really into me he'd want to get closer to me not just mentally but physically. I have a very high sex drive and feel that perhaps it is higher than his. However, I also think that maybe he just into into me sexually.

I am very confused and don't know what to make of this situation. I can't even write about it without stumbling over my words and thoughts on how to explain the situation. I really don't know what his intentions are, I feel that he is just stringing me along until he finds something better. I really like him and have no idea why. Usually in a situation like this I would just drop the other person but there is something about him that keeps me hanging on. Can anyone make any sense of this?..

Comments (8)

Your question was: Do you think "Chocolate Jesus" would be a good name for my online personal ad @ match.com?.

Based on what you posted he could have trust issues because of how the last few women have treated him.  But, the fact that he is dodging your kisses and doesnt invest of himself emotionally at all in the relationship (thru Match.com) has me thinking that he wants FWB with you right now.  You might want to clarify that with him..

If you are not getting what you need fromthe relationship (thru Match.com) and you have addressed it with him and he does not respond I dont know why you would continue to hang on.  Are you feeling sorry for him so you are tending to his needs more than your own?..

Comment #1

Sorry, but he's not that into you.  Sounds like you are hanging out and hooking up - especially if none of your get-togethers take place until after 10pm.  When a man is serious about you - or sees you as 'girlfriend material' they do not send mixed messages - they make sure their actions and words are consistent because they wouldn't want to let you get away.  They will court you and treat you in a way that lets you know that they think you are special and worth the time and effort because they want to be with you. .

It sounds like this guy enjoys having you around in the moment but is not serious about you.  He is not dating (online dating with Match.com) you, he is hanging out with you. .

Best wishes,.

Coolas..

Comment #2

Since it has only been a month and you have only had the opportunity to hang out after 10pm...I think you should give it just a little bit more time..

Because you said you would have already dumped him...and you haven't.  So, I don't know how old you guys are but after 10pm I'm tired. .

Also, you haven't experienced doing other things together, besides , sleeping over each others houses..

You need a few more experiences (daytime experiences).  It does sound like you could find someone who is MORE INTO YOU. .

But, it also sounds like you want to stick around....so stick around a little longer and see how you feel in another month or two.  Give it a time period in your head and see at that time how it is going..

Missy..

Comment #3

Often we hang on to something that isn't working because it's scary to change.... but staying in something painful and unfulfilling is not a good way to be... What is in this for you at this point beyond familiarity?.

,..

Comment #4

I agree with the poster that commented that relationships, they change over time.  You're only a month into this one and it's hard to say which direction it could go.  I have one friendship with a guy, we've been great friends for years, so I know his family and friends and I've seen his new offices, and we only just started to shift to flirtation.  I've had others that start out with great chemistry and just fade away.  A month just seems too soon to tell if this is a relationship (thru Match.com) that will build or fade away, and there are signs in both directions..

But right now, the fact that you've only had oral sex when drunk; no penetrative sex, no morning sex even though you're there together and hence sober, and that you meet up after 10pm all points to FWB.  It's like quasi-commitment, quasi-into you and so the question is do you want something more.  If so, I think you should take the reigns and try to re-direct the relationship.  IMO, I think you need to stop the sex and late night meetings and make him take you on dates.  Two reasons.  First, the core of any relationship (thru Match.com) that you want to be more rather than less should be friendship.  Besides which, he said he wanted to take it slow, and dating (online dating with Match.com) is nice and slow.  You can ask him out, even.  Second, this guy needs to work harder to have you.  Make him understand, dammit, that if he wants to have any type of sex with you, he's going to have to compliment you and kiss you and be way into you.  Because.because you're ready to give that to him and so you have a right to expect it in return.  Half full isn't good enough any more, and there's no reason to waste your time with half full.  .

Good luck. ..

Comment #5

<<I feel that he is just stringing me along until he finds something better.>>.

If you feel this way with only a month invested - it ain't getting any better. Always listen to what you gut instincts tell you..

>>Usually in a situation like this I would just drop the other person but there is something about him that keeps me hanging on.>>.

Yes - it's called random reinforcement. A study on lab rats illustrated this very well. One cage of rats were fed through a tube that the rats had to press a button to release food. Everytime they pressed the button, food was released. Thus, they only pressed teh button when hungry.

Another set of rats had the same setup except that food was randomly released when teh button was pressed. As a result of the unpredictability of the food source, the rats pressed the button incessently and frantically.

In your case, he is giving 'just enough' random attention enough to keep you looking for more.

<< Can anyone make any sense of this?>>.

The best sense to make is listen to what your gut is telling you - you are wasting time with him..

Toni..

Comment #6

I know you meant this for the original poster...

Comment #7

Yes this is definite 'hooking up' behavoir on his part. The question is, why are you putting up with it?.

,..

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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