Do you have suggestions for meeting new people? Did Eharmony/ work for you?

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My first question is: Do you have suggestions for meeting new people? Did Eharmony/ work for you?.

My next question is: Well, this is my situation. I started seeing someone early this year on rebound but made it clear that it was not my intention to get too emotionally involved with this guy at the time. He also said he wanted us to be friends no matter what, so we had an agreement to have a little fun but to keep the friendship. This suited me emotionally as I was too scared to enter into another relationship.Anyway, as time passed - we had the most amazing time together; it was like 2 souls as 1 on almost every level, and I began to really like this guy. This really made me nervous, and he kept telling me he was scared he was gonna fall in love with me. Then one evening he asked me out - which I was then feeling that I could give it a go, and following this, a few days later everything literally fell apart.

He denied asking me out for one, so I was really ticked off. I didn't speak to him for some time, but as we have mutual friends - I still wanted to keep some level of friendship. I then fell ill for 3 months so was out of the social scene completely, and I have attempted to try and speak to him a couple of times - but well, the tension could be cut with a knife. I have told him that I'm not in love with him, and thought he wanted us to be friends.His first response was to tell me to f off; but some hours later (early hours in the morning) I received a missed call on my phone. I did not answer as I was sleeping; and I have not returned the call as I'm trying to respect his first response.

I'm tempted to call back obviously, and have debated it for absolute days, but my friends reckon just to leave it.Am curious as to what all your thoughts are out there, men especially as I really value your opinions? I'm finding it difficult to walk away from this, as I don't like having to go where mutual friends are where we both pretend that the other does not exist...

Comments (5)

Your question was: Do you have suggestions for meeting new people? Did Eharmony/ work for you?.

I dont understand...why doesnt he want to have a conversation about what happened?..

Comment #1

I agree with Sugarbaby, this is a bit confusing so I am not entirely sure I'm understanding.  It seems like you're saying that you had a "little fun," or rather "sex" (??), but agreed not to get emotionally involved, so "friends with benefits" (??), but nonetheless some emotional entanglement ensued?  He initially entangled too, but then time passed while you weren't feeling well, and then at some point you had a face-down at which he told you to f*** off but yet later in the evening he called you?  Is that right? .

If so, I would say that you need to let this guy go.  What you're feeling is natural and normal  the hormonal connection is natural part of the deal with sex, whatever we may pretend otherwise.  Would that it were so easy, to just have sex without emotional entanglement.  The fact that he has some conscience and called you shows that he entangled too.  But, this sex-without-strings was the deal that you struck so unless both of you agreed to take it to another and different level, this is the deal you're stuck with.  .

I don't think you should call him back..

You should go hang out with your mutual friends.  Hold your head high.  Talk to him if you have the chance.  But I would suggest:  this is one of those cases where you should expect him to pursue you hard and if he doesn't pursue aggresively, write the past off to experience and let him go.  Then, in the future, understand it's never so easy, that you expect and want more, and only "date" the guy who perhaps one day will accept the strings.    ..

Comment #2

 He denied asking me out for one.

His first response was to tell me to f off.

And after these two responses from him you want to still be friends and possibly date using him!?  Why?.

Look at the disrespect he has shown you.  Do not let him or anyone disrespect you like that.  Put as much distance between the two of you as possible..




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Comment #3

Thanks M kieraYes, you understood me - and apologies to everyone for the confusion. Thanks for your feedback, it has confirmed things for me.The real crux of this is whether I've been doing the right thing or not by not making contact with him; and allowing him to take pursuit if that's what he wanted - which I guess in this case it isn't.I have absolutely no idea why he won't speak to me. All I do know when I was with him at the time he opened up a lot; then he went the opposite and from what I've heard from mutual friends - he likes to clam up! So I guess it's his problem now (that is if there is a problem for him).Once again, thank you everyone. And yes, we did get a little more entangled that what we initially agreed to...

Comment #4

My thought is that usually it's not considered polite to call people in the early hours of the morning. Unless he's called you during those hours before, and it's never been an issue, I wouldn't think he'd be calling you at that time of the night if he had anything good to say. If he felt sorry for his behavior and wanted to apologize and mend things, he would have waited until the following day to call and say something. For him to still be awake and thinking about you in the early morning hours after having just told you to f*** off makes me believe he must have been pretty emotional about the whole thing. My guess is that he was still angry and wanted to call and tell you off or call and hang up on you when you picked up the phone.You'll probably never know what happened that caused him not to speak to you in the first place. There may have been a blatant misunderstanding on both sides of the fence.

He told you to leave him alone and then did not to try to reach you at a reasonable hour or leave you a message. He knows you want to be civil friends around each other, and if he wants the same thing, he will extend out an olive branch to you. A phone call where he doesn't leave a message explaining why he was can't be considered an olive branch, even it had been during a reasonable time of the day. If this is how he deals with issues, you are better off without having any contact with him...

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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