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Do you believe that match.com and other online dating sites are a good idea? can you find love onlin

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My first question is: Do you believe that match.com and other online dating sites are a good idea? can you find love onlin.

My next question is: First off, I'm a guy..

Two years ago, I met a girl - Mailey.  We had this instant connection, unlike anything I ever experienced before.   When I met her, I had a girlfriend who was living in another country.   Mailey and I spent alot of time together and it was amazing..

When my girlfriend arrived in town, I became very confused about my feelings.  So I just turned into a complete jerk to Mailey even though she never did a single thing wrong.  I basically drove her away. .

My girlfriend and I broke up soon after.  Months later Mail and I got back in contact.  I gave the lamest apology, but she still forgave me.  I dont know what's the matter with me.  We communicated for a while.  We were supposed to see each other at one point, but then I think she grew tired of me not returning her affection-even though she only offered it in friendly terms-and I never heard from her. .

I felt slighted so one time she was actually online-she never is-we said hello-I said I'd call her and I never did.  I dont have her number anymore because I deleted it on purpose last year. .

She gave me something which I wear all the time.  I have these pictures she sent me framed on my desk. .

I don't really know what I'm asking here..   .

It's all kinds of conflictions and contradictions: I want her, but we live very far away from each other.  I've done long-distance before and it's miserable.   .

I want her, but what's the use if I've been such an ass to her, she probably wont want me anyway.  Part of me thinks she deserves better.  But then the other part knows she wont have with anyone what we have..

Guess I'll take comments and suggestions on how I can sort this all out..

Thanks,.

Anders.

 .

Edited 4/22/2009 8:21 pm ET by anders85..

Comments (8)

Your question was: Do you believe that match.com and other online dating sites are a good idea? can you find love onlin.

I have been called narcissistic, that's true.  Haha, you called it..

Yah, I did take her forgranted.  But people make mistakes. ..

Comment #1

If you are not prepared to move to where she is or think that one of you would move to the other's location .. then dont start anything.  Long distance is miserable .. I agree.  If you love her then DO something about it - real love doesnt come along everyday you know.  She probably doesnt even know you care that much.  But if you intend to remain a jerk .. then let her go...

Comment #2

I'm gonna have to agree with what most people wrote in their replies to your post. If you don't really mean to stop hurting her, you better back off and let another takes your place in her heart. I have dated a narcissist before, and I don't think he ever gonna change and that's why I left him then.But if you really do mean to stand up to be the man she deserves, I am all on your side. I think you still do stand a chance with her since she holds you no grudge for what you did to her. I see that she can forgive you before and I see she will be able to forgive you again this time. This is not to say she won't be more cautious this time.

The way you tell us in this forum.. sounds sincere and full of regrets. Ask her out and get to know her better and don't disappoint her this time around..

Moonglow 05..

Comment #3

If she has lost faith in you then it is really not up to you anymore. It's completely up to her to decide what she wants and is willing to put up with. I can tell you from personal experience that it is no fun having your heart drug around like it is a play thing. It hurts and it destroys the trust you once had in the person. A woman will only sound the alarm that something is wrong for so long before she decides to walk away once and for all. Women are always told to believe man when they say things like "no commitments" or "not exclusive" etc.

When you start hearing things like this that means she getting ready to walk or has made up her mind to do so. The only thing you can do at this point is be completely open and honest with her because she will accept nothing less. She may "still love you" but is "not willing to put up any more games".Good luck with what ever she decides...

Comment #4

Thanks everyone for your replies.  Every response has been helpful.  I really do care about Mailey and it may be that she will never know just how much.  I am going to do more thinking before I make my move (or non-move).  But I will definitely be thinking not just about my own happiness, but hers as well and what is really the best for her - although, as you pointed out, even if I did decide to try and win her back, it's all really up to her and not me..

Anders..

Comment #5

It makes me wonder,if you treat someone who you care about like this then how would you treat whom you didnt care at all?How is someone supposed to know the difference??Will you be able to take rejection ? you are narcissit (sp)and I dont believe you can ,doubt it.Saying and doing are two different things.Best to her...

Comment #6

Man.  ITA with heissick. .

But my impulse is to just tell you - F it, if you truly love her and know and are ready to treat her like a queen, then GO.FOR.IT.  Do whatever it takes. ..

Comment #7

Holy crap, she's online right now.  she is never online.......... oh man...

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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