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Do great girl really post on Match.com or craigslist??

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My first question is: Do great girl really post on Match.com or craigslist??.

My next question is: Edited for privacy.

Edited 12/19/2008 3:37 pm ET by katie22888..

Comments (14)

Your question was: Do great girl really post on Match.com or craigslist??.

If you pass on your info is it gossip and many times one thinks info is solid but it is not - I have been the victim of gossip passed on as fact so I can see the error of doing that..

Instead of passing on gossip - why not just show your friend the picture you saw...and then ask her if she knows anything about the woman and then..it is up to her to confront the bf..

Also..if he did really cheat again..it is possible that she never said anything to anyone because she was embarrassed that he did it again..

So play it safe...

Comment #1

I agree with the other poster. Show her the photo then stay out of it. You never know, your friend might want to deny it and out of love for her boyfriend they might see you as a trouble maker and blame you for trying to split them up and then you lose a friend or your friendship could be strained if the BF does not like you hanging around his GF. Trust me I have seen this happen to a well meaning friend.Be careful. It is possible your friend knows he cheated and does not want anyone to know about it. I am sure you are a good friend because you do have your friends best interest at heart.

You never know what private matters go on between bf and gf. Ok that is my 2 cents worth.Take care,.

Laurie My web pages http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html..

Comment #2

You should say NOTHING!!!!! what if you are wrong and he reall isnt cheating any more. When you go off to school....you do stupid all the time. He did stupid and ya know he may be sorry for it. You have lots of pressure from others to do stupid. it's over and done with. you willl look stupid if he isnt cheating anymore..

Comment #3

Edited for privacy.

Edited 12/19/2008 3:38 pm ET by katie22888..

Comment #4

It was last year year...I am telling youif you tell your friend or hint anything that direection and it was a one night of stupid you will change yo friendship with her. She might already know and has settle the issue. Stay out of it..

Comment #5

Maybe you should talk to him about it and find out all the details. If you can. But no my thoughts stay the same. It is not your place. It was a year ago. Like I said people in college do stupid.

He was stupid and totally wrong. And he is young and stupid. Men do not think before the act when they are horney and probably drunk. Even though he hooked up with a couple more times. Let it go...

Comment #6

I understand you are trying to stop something happening between the guy and this other woman. However,  if you make a misstep you will lose a friend and possibly destroy a relationship (thru Match.com) based on an inkling that something could happen between him and the other woman..

Stick with showing the picture to the gf and let her do the detective work.  I agree...he should not be socializing with an ex..but..that is something that your friend and her bf have possibly agreed to - continued socializing with exes or friends of the opposite sex...

Comment #7

It is not fair. Though if he has a brain I am sure it was eating him alive. Let him deal with what he has to deal with. If by some chance you friend suspects anything andsays sething to you.... then show her the pics and pretend you now nothing.  You might be destroying an otherwise good relationship. He sounds like from the pics he really isnt that interested in her and pretty much disses her. The fact you have pics you GF may wonder why you have them and she will know you have known and get mad.

So pretend you know nothing and say nothing...

Comment #8

This sounded like a deja vu post .... so, I looked and yes, you posted the same story back in October ... so, what gives?   Same advice still stands.   Obviously, you're in the same 'dilemma' as a few months ago ... but, ultimately, it's not YOUR problem.  .

OP:  http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldatingdil/?msg=33332.1 .

You obviously WANT to tell her what you think you know ... and I'm suspect of WHY you feel so strongly about this?   .

Because, the problem is ... you don't KNOW anything for a fact.    And honestly, you're really only helping yourself.   You don't know that you'd be helping her ... particularly since you a) have no evidence of any wrongdoing and b) how do you KNOW that she doesn't know ... and just hasn't aired her dirty laundry with you?  Perhaps she's considering it a personal matter and doesn't want to share all the details with your or others (afterall, you are 4 hours from her ... you certainly can't know everything going on with her and her BF).

Sorry ... but, I'm smelling a stinker of a story here.   This sounds like one of those situations that people post from the 'third person perspective' ... only they are actually one of the people involved.   The 'tip off' is that you're so adamant about things that you really CANNOT be sure of without being one of the people involved..

So ... which girl in the story are you?  The GF who suspects her BF might be straying ... or are you the girl he cheated with? .

FWIW, women who are in the 'other woman' position often seek advice from the third-party perspective as a way of trying to determine whether they should tell the GF or wife what's going on..

Edited 12/16/2008 5:57 pm ET by starbuck70..

Comment #9

It sounds like you really want to tell her lol  I understand that.  However, if you tell her, just be prepared for the worst, i.e., be willing to risk her being mad at you or dropping you as a friend. .

 ..

Comment #10

Is there a date using Match.com on the pics...if not it could have been a long time ago. Or just a moment  of someone trying to get his attention. And even if there is. It sound by your discription he is anoyed by her. Leave it alone.!!!  what s it with girls and some women...cant leave thier nose out of crap...

Comment #11

I don't think it's true that a guy who cheats, cheats on every single girl in his life.  But I do believe he will cheat multiple times on the same girl, esp if she takes him back (basically bec he knows he can). .

Kind of Related/Kind of Off Topic.

My friend cheated on his girlfriend several times with different random girls he'd meet/make out with at clubs.  She found out and then took him back.  He cheated on her again, this time a more serious cheat.  He spent a lot of time with this girl and he even still wears some trinket she gave him!  The gf never found out about that cheat.  BUT she broke up with him even not knowing about it hahaaa  He was so shocked that she broke it off.  He didn't see it coming..

What drove me crazy is that when she did it, he was all heartbroken etc  I was like, are you effing serious?!  I thought he was the biggest fake.  How could he cheat on her multiple times, lie to her, etc and still claim he loved her and was so heartbroken?  I didn't get it.  I told him, look, you didn;t love her.   Do you understand that if you loved her, you wouldn't have done that to her.  Ok you can chalk up the first round of cheats to mistakes.  She took you back, but you didnt learn from your mistake.  You repeated it! But he insisted he loved her.  This made me more sick.  He has no effing clue. .

He and I aren't friends anymore.  I can't stand him.  I -really- tried, but he's just such a crap person, I couldn't bring myself to remain his friend, even though we had been so tight.  It really sucked. .

 .

Edited 12/17/2008 11:29 am ET by blairbear89.

Edited 12/17/2008 11:41 am ET by blairbear89..

Comment #12

Ok then, tell her.   Knock yourself out.   Just be prepared for your friendship to be crippled.   .

 I guess I just don't understand assigning a feeling of 'guilt' to yourself.    You haven't done anything to be guility of or feel guilty for.

Apologies if I was way off base. .

What I do know is ... you're way too pre-occupied with your friend's personal business.  It sounds like you're borderline obsessed with this situation.   Even if you're not directly involved ... you're making yourself part of it ... and either way, that's not healthy..

And BTW, tell her WHAT exactly?  That you saw a picture with him and a girl with her arm's around his waist?  Holy smokes, stop the presses ... with that kind of evidence he MUST be cheating or about to!  Sheesh, can you see how unreasonable that is?.

How 'bout this ... do you have access to this photo?  If so, show it to her ... send it to her ... email it to her ... whatever.   Let her make her own decision withour your influence or your judgement.  .

If you don't have this photo ... then, there is NOTHING you can say ... at least, nothing you can say without it sounding like you're a bit nuts and self-righteously suspicious for really no good reason.  Why?  Because, there's no evidence of any wrong-doing.  Only your paranoia and your hunch.   And sorry ... but, that isn't enough, IMO.  .

Edited 12/17/2008 1:21 pm ET by starbuck70..

Comment #13

<< I don't know if that applies to "college" kids or not. Seems like everyone is doing it- or at least the majority. >>.

Yah, it seems like everyone is doing it because ... kids in college really shouldn't be in relationships.  There's a time and a place in life for serious relationships and college, especially, long distance isn't one of 'em.    Personally, I don't think young adults under 25 should attempt serious relationships.   Casual, yes.  Dating, sure.  But, nothing serious.    Not unless you already have your career on track.  .

College is THE TIME for the type of behavior your describing.  It's time to have fun, hook up, date, go to parties, sow those oats.    Could he be cheating?  SURE he could be.   I'd bet most guys in college, with girlfriends elsewhere fall to temptation at one point or another.

Is your friend aware of this ... aware that he's a guy who has cheated on her in the past ?  YES SHE IS! .

So, you wouldn't really be telling her anything she doesn't already know!  Unless she doesn't have half-a-brain ... then yes, she's fully aware of the RISK she's taking by staying in a relationship (thru Match.com) with this guy.  That is her choice.   Respect it.   .

 Do you think your friend doesn't have half a brain?  ;-)  I'm sure you think she's at least semi-intelligent ...otherwise, you wouldn't be friends.   So, why not respect that she has a mind of her own and she's using it and she's making her choice.

(oh, but the picture ... look the picture doesn't tell you diddly-squat!).

 I really don't think you'd be telling her anything she isn't aware of ....... and by thinking you'd be doing her a favor, well ... IMO, you'd be undermining her intelligence, her choice.  ..

Comment #14


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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