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Daughter back with loser boyfriend

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My 19 year old daughter got back with her 30 year old boyfriend, who doesn't have a pot to piss in. He rents a room from his landlord, he is a cook at a chain restaurant. He dressed like a 18 year old, oversized plain white/black tees, loose jeans, etc. He says he is going to go to school to become a chef or mechanic. If he has a brain he would go to school and get a job that provides health insurance. We have had this conversation and he agrees.

Can he really change? Is he too old to change? The first time they broke up was because they just wanted one another to be different/act a different way. My daughter wanted him to start dressing his age. He hasn't, but she says he will. WHEN??? He wanted, well it doesn't matter what he wanted. Do I just sit back and wait for the old him to come back? God I need advice.

She deserves so much better and can do so much better. WHAT DO I DO???..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Daughter back with loser boyfriend.

Hi michelee1017,.

The more you try to break them up, the more she will cling to him.  Trust me on this one.  Try to get to a point where you don't care and see what happens.......

Comment #1

You know, my Mom ended up being so um, controlling, about my first very serious (and toatlly bad choice) relationship (thru Match.com) that I ended up marrying him and then divorcing several years later.  Yes, I should have listened to Mom, but that's the 30+ me talking, there was no way I was going to do that by succumbing to her at the time, see?  .

Now, I'm not saying that you are controlling, it seems you're doing your darnest to not be that, and I can imagine that it's absolute *torture* for you to watch your daughter make potentially bad decisions for herself, but she really needs to do that for herself. .

You know what would probably have made me not marry him and turn to my Mom instead for guidance was if she would have told me she trusted me to make the right choices for myself.  I would have given a lot more thought to things then, not been so rebellious, I know that now.  Hey, I learned my values from her, you'd think she would have trusted the life lessons she'd taught me, right?  (hint, hint).

All the best,.

 .

CL-Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.

CL-Understanding Men.

CL-Ask the dating (online dating with Match.com) Doyenne.

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. Tom Robbins..

Comment #2

Well the more you talk against him and beseech her to dump him the tighter she will cling to him. You need to come off as someone she can talk to, confide in, someone who approves of her, loves her, wants the best for her but won't try to force her to do everything you say..

Likely he will start showing his true colors again so sit back, be loving, supportive and someone she can turn to not rebel against.

,..

Comment #3

Thank you for your kind words. That's exactly what I am trying to do...

Comment #4

She is 19no relationships people have at 19 end up working out in the long-run (there are very rare exceptions, but I doubt this is one of them). One thing I have noticed about people who date using Match.com losers is that they eventually realize they are dating (online dating with Match.com) a loser. The only exception to this is when the girl is a loser herself, and I'm sure your daughter is not a loser, just young and inexperienced in dating. Try not to worry about it and just let her learn on her own. When she finally learns her lesson, she will hopefully carry it with her and not repeat the same mistake.

~vanillabeanie..

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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