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Dating scams in Match.com?

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My question is: Dating scams in Match.com?.

My 2nd question is: So I went out tonight with my friends and I'm not really looking for a relationship.  Anyway,  I'm already sort of talking to someone.  But I'm always open to making new friends.  Well this guy I met tonight said he just wanted friends too so great!  But then he proceeded to act like he owned me even tho he doesn't even know me!  He would get pissed when I'd talk to other people etc  What a psycho!.

Edited 4/5/2008 9:02 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comments (9)

He would make sort of snarky comments to me and then walk off lol  What a weirdo!  The thing is, is he was the one who said to me that he's interested in friends too, but it was very very apparent that that was not the case at all.  If he wanted MORE than friends, he should have said that!  I like guys who are upfront about their intentions and feelings!.

I met another guy last night.  He was a little more direct, so that was good!  So he and I have been texting all day today but then he was not asking me out!  So I told him that he should do it soon bec I lose patience quickly and so then he asked me out but like to go to some thing at his cousin's house.  I was like "Did you really just ask me on a date using Match.com to your cousin's house???" LOL  Wow.  This poor boy.  He is one year older than me - 19.. and I think he genuinely means well, but he is intimidated by me and does not know what to do.  I'm chalking it up to his age, but my last boyfriend is exactly my age (18) and he knew exactly what to do (asked me out right away etc..). .

Here is my philosophy with a new boy.  They need to ask me out right away.. do not wait!  That's the worst thing they could do bec it shows me one of four things either 1) you dont have the confidence to ask me out right away  2) you dont like me enough to ask me out right away  3) your playing games with me or 4) you have no idea what your doing.  And I'm not interested in a guy with any of those qualities.  If you like me the way I want and deserve to be liked, you will want to see my pretty face as soon as possible    Luckily, this has always been my experience with my boyfriends... they never waited .. they were so in love with me, they couldnt help themselves.. they had to see me again! : ) .

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Comment #1

"I like guys who are upfront about their intentions and feelings!".

Same here!.

"my last boyfriend is exactly my age (18) and he knew exactly what to do (asked me out right away etc..)".

Either you got it or you dont - he obviously had it, hehe..

 "Luckily, this has always been my experience with my boyfriends... they never waited .. they were so in love with me, they couldnt help themselves.. they had to see me again! : )".

My havent you been a lucky girl! hehe Let's hope that luck continues for you..

"They need to ask me out right away.. do not wait!  That's the worst thing they could do bec it shows me one of four things either 1) you dont have the confidence to ask me out right away  2) you dont like me enough to ask me out right away  3) your playing games with me or 4) you have no idea what your doing. ".

I'd like to add to that list, if I may:  5) they are fishing around to see if we get along so they dont waste their time and money on a date, 6)they have a few women that they'd like to take out and so he'll feel out which one he likes best, 7)feeling out whether or not they could slide by with a FWB situation..

My thoughts are if a guy knows he likes a woman why hold back?  Is there an ex lurking somewhere in the background?  Is he feeling down about himself?  I dont have the desire to analyze some guy's situation and figure out if I fit in his life or not...

Comment #2

"I dont have the desire to analyze some guy's situation and figure out if I fit in his life or not.".

Me neither!.

"My havent you been a lucky girl! hehe Let's hope that luck continues for you.".

Thanks!  I think part of it is luck, and part of it is I weed them all out before they even get to me.  It's like a  built-in screening-tool so the ones that get to the prize (me - haha!), are already the good ones!   I just cut it very very soon when I see signs that the guy will probably be dumb or a wreck.  I don't give my number to them, or if I do, if they don't call me *the very next day* - that is very key to me- I don't ever answer.  Ever.  I never see them again.  That might seem harsh and everyone will have their own way, but for me it is almost a rule.  They must call me *right away* lol.

Of course, we are all still growing.  I certainly am!  I have made mistakes before.  There are things in hindsight that I saw with my boyfriends that were signs but I ignored them because we were both so in love with each other.  But they were generally good boyfriends and I wouldn't change anything.  The break-ups hurt, but I still learned from them.  I still have no regrets.  Every time I think something might be a regret, when I think about it, I never consider them that.  I like that. .

This guy who asked me to his cousin's texted me first thing this morning!  But he still hasn't asked me out on a formal date!  He is so strange.  He needs to read a book on how to do this properly or something...  It is obvious that he likes me because he texted me right after we left each other, has been texting me all day yesterday and now this morning and invited me to his cousin's tonight so already wants me to meet his friends and family lol  Which is all great but I'd really like to go out and be with him alone first!.

I think the mistake alot of women make is that they are desperate for a guy bec they've been lonely bec it's so hard to find a good one.  I understand this, but they need to understand that they just need to be happy with themselves.  That radiates and then then you will attract the "good" ones.  If you're desperate and insecure etc, you'll just attract the jerkfaces anyways. .

Edited 4/6/2008 11:04 am ET by blairbear89..

Comment #3

"Of course, we are all still growing.  I certainly am!  I have made mistakes before.  There are things in hindsight that I saw with my boyfriends that were signs but I ignored them because we were both so in love with each other.".

Eventually you'll start paying attention to the red flags sooner than later and hopefully acting on them..

"Every time I think something might be a regret, when I think about it, I never consider them that.  I like that. ".

That's good.  I dont like to see the men who I have been with in a regretful fashion either.  There comes a time when you do encounter a person you wish you never entangled with for a variety of reasons. .

"This guy who asked me to his cousin's texted me first thing this morning!  But he still hasn't asked me out on a formal date!".

Did you call him back?  Maybe he wants to ask you out in person or on the phone and not via a text.  Maybe it would be a good idea to text him back and be blunt and say "if you are going to ask me out on a date using Match.com then call me.  If not, then I am not interested.".

" It is obvious that he likes me because he texted me right after we left each other, has been texting me all day yesterday and now this morning and invited me to his cousin's tonight so already wants me to meet his friends and family lol  Which is all great but I'd really like to go out and be with him alone first!".

Being alone first would be ideal.  Some guys want you to meet the friends and family early on because they want to see if you get along with them, but that is a lot of pressure to put on someone so early..

"I think the mistake alot of women make is that they are desperate for a guy bec they've been lonely bec it's so hard to find a good one.  I understand this, but they need to understand that they just need to be happy with themselves.  That radiates and then then you will attract the "good" ones.  If you're desperate and insecure etc, you'll just attract the jerkfaces anyways. ".

No matter what you'll attract some losers - because it is a numbers game and there are far greater number of losers in the world than winners...

Comment #4

Time just ran out for the guy who loves to text...!  Oh wells for him.  I really gave him a chance though!..

Comment #5

You did not give him a chance...hehehe...and you know it..hehehe..

Has he given up texting you?..

Comment #6

I did too give him a chance! lol  Yes, he has given up, thankfully. .

However guess what.. the guy I originally posted about - the one who was all pissy and rude and did not respect my space?  He called *and* texted me yesterday!  I didn't recogzine the number first of all, so I didn't pick up the call, but when he texted an hour later, he told me his name.  I can't believe he had the nerve to call me after the way he acted the other night.  I just dont understand how people can behave a certain way first of all and then think they can talk to you again.  I mean the reason people act like this is because others have accepted them that way and I just don't get it, Snafu. .

Well, I haven't responded and he hasn't written again. .

Back track:  I didn't tell you about the space part... there was a slow song that came on so we were dancing to that and he wanted to be like thisclose!  So I pushed him back a little bit, not forcefully or anything but just enough to show I was uncomfortable that close and he said to me "What are we, in 6th grade?"  I was like "Excuse me, I don't even know you!"  I am basically towards a more conservative person and I don't need someone I barely know groping me that tight.  That was just one point.  He just did not act properly..

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Comment #7

He should have just respected your need for a few inches between the two of you and not insult you - that wasnt very smart of him.  The dancing *thisclose* sounds nice though..hehe.  I guess I'm not as conservative as you.  When I was your age my friends and I would make out with men we didnt even know on dance floors...ahhh the old days!.

"I mean the reason people act like this is because others have accepted them that way and I just don't get it, Snafu. ".

You dont get why people let him behave that way?  He sounds a little alpha-male to me...so people just let him do what he wants.  What I cant believe is that he actually called knowing he insulted you that way and didnt apologize.  He probably said what he said (the 6th grade thing) as a way to intimidate you into doing what he wanted, so it is best you dont start anything with him...

Comment #8

No he's possessive, dangerously so if he's acting like that when he first meets you. Not all guys are like that, but yes, avoid this one.

,..

Comment #9


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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