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Dating match.com?

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My first question is: Dating match.com?.

My next question is: I am completely out of ideas.  I have read all the dating (online dating with Match.com) advice, applied it. Most of it is common sense, and being open and friendly, which I am. I've done online dating, and during the online part, everything is great, wonderful.  I'm told I'm funny, smart, sexy etc.  Usually they are anxious to meet me.  That's where the problem is.  I am not beautiful, and I wouldn't even say pretty.  I dress really nice, wear makeup, nice hair, am in reasonable shape, not overweight, so it isn't a body problem, just the face problem.  Short of plastic surgery, what can I do? It is my face they don't like, I see it when they meet me.  I do tell them before meeting what I look like but it doesn't seem to prepare them. Is plastic surgery my only option?..

Comments (7)

Your question was: Dating match.com?.

I am confused.  I have not done the online dating (online dating with Match.com) thing, but dont people see your picture and profile before they contact you?  Is the picture you provide not an up to date using Match.com picture? .

 If it is about your face I'd focus on makeup and hair and jewelry.  Is your makeup flattering?  Is it applied too thickly or too dramatically for a date?  I dont know how old you are, but makeup you wear to go out clubbing is probably too much for a date using Match.com at a restaurant for most men.  Sometimes we dont realize how harsh our makeup can look as we get older.  For instance, I havent worn black mascara since I turned 40 because it has a harsh look on someone of my age, thus makes me look older.  Now I wear brown..

Is your hairstyle flattering for your shape of face or age?  Sometimes a hairstyle or hair color can make all the difference. .

Why not get a makeover?  Get a new look or style from base makeup to hair color and style.  It probably has nothing to do with your face itself - okay?.

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Comment #1

Hi Hanahlyn,.

Welcome to the board!!.

Sounds like what your dates might be picking up is your lack of self confidence.  Sounds like you really take good care of yourself and looks don't make a total package.  Some people are model gorgeous, but that doesn't make them good dating (online dating with Match.com) material..

Another thought that came to my head was maybe you might be trying a little too hard.  Be yourself and have self confidence and I think you will do just fine..

Good Luck,.

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Comment #2

Thank you for your inputs, Snafu and Kristie. I do appreciate them..

I do take pride in how I look and present myself, with clothes, makeup, etc, and I make sure I dress well for my age. That isn't the problem.  There may be some truth to the trying too hard part, but most of the time I am at ease and comfortable, more so than my date.  As for the online profile, I do have a picture but the way it's shot shows me in a good way.

I think I'm just wondering if it's always going to be about the surface beauty that men want and if I should seriously consider surgery.  I always read the articles about how to meet people and put your best foot forward, how to impress your potential date, wow them...but it doesn't work if you're not attractive enough for someone to look at..

Again, thanks for your inputs, and for letting me vent. ..

Comment #3

A male friend of mine (late 50's) said that at some point we all need to come to terms with our looks. I've often thought of that expression because I'm in my 50's and do what I can to look good, including exercising almost daily. It ain't easy, this being a woman of a certain age and dating. Now, my friend (mentioned above) is hugely bald, with a somewhat unruly beard. He's an academic and a musician, so we'll accept that look. But he's a good 40-50 pounds overweight.

So, he's accepted something that I couldn't. Can't. But the thing is that once you get to know someone, their looks grow on you. Don't you find this to be true? Especially when the self-confidence shines throughyou relax and enjoy. And that's what I tell myself when I'm having a less-than-pretty day myself.

Www.mylifeasadate.com..

Comment #4

Hi Petulia777.

Welcome to the board!!.

Thanks for your imput.  I think it's great that you can have good self confidence on a bad looks day!!.

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Comment #5

Thanks! I'm usually prowling around the online dating (online dating with Match.com) board, but I'm no purist!.

Www.mylifeasadate.com..

Comment #6

"I think I'm just wondering if it's always going to be about the surface beauty that men want and if I should seriously consider surgery.  I always read the articles about how to meet people and put your best foot forward, how to impress your potential date, wow them...but it doesn't work if you're not attractive enough for someone to look at.".

First of all, if your photo is online and you resemble the photo that you are using...then it cant be your face that is the problem otherwise they wouldnt have contacted you to begin with.  You HAVE to be pretty for people to pick you from your online photo.  So dont less these low class morons change your perception of yourself..

The reason I suggested a makeover is that you can update your cosmetic wardrobe with new shades and revamp your hairstyle...which...in turn also puts a spring in your step and adds to your confidence level..

I hate to say this...but I have heard and read about so many horror stories with men screwing with womens' minds...just to make them INSECURE because they need to be in the alpha position.  They dont think 2 minutes ahead so they dont believe that they could do damage to someone's selfesteem on a serious level...but they should read your post so that they can learn something about life.  .

These  particular men are just trying to see if they can make you see yourself as less pretty - to use it to their advantage because they are insecure little geeks..

 But..I do believe that surface beauty is always the first thing that draws a person to another person.  Do NOT consider plastic surgery...just change the dating (online dating with Match.com) pool that you have been dipping in lately.  Maybe it is impossible to *wow* someone when they just leveled you with that *look* that hurts you. .

If I were in your shoes I'd end the date using Match.com right there and say "goodbye" because either the guy is a head case or has no depth...which means that he is not right for me anyway. If I was feeling cocky I'd ask them "what seems to be the matter?" (I can get real spunky when it comes to jerks - I have nothing to lose by doing so) - If you did ask (call them on their bluff) you may find that it is nothing (just manipulation on their part) or something  very trivial and then these guys are too picky to date using Match.com anyone.  So either way...lose the fools...

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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