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Contact someone I found on Match.com?

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My first question is: Contact someone I found on Match.com?.

My next question is: I am not really sure how to start this... So I think I'm going to jump straight into it, and of course, it starts as follows...There's this boy (sigh) who is my best friend's boyfriend's housemate. I met him once months ago, and we talked really intensively all night, and then I didn't see him until last night when my best friend suddenly announces that he's coming. To be honest, I have thought about him on occasion since (does that make me creepy?). I was like, wah! And immediately started feeling nervous, and tried not to look at him too much, but before I knew it, we were having this intense conversation about opera and theatre (of all things!). Anyhow, during the course of the night we sort of started hanging out together, dancing together (when I say that, I mean we were dancing next to each other, and no, there was no grinding involved), we sat outside and talked about all kinds of things and stayed until the club threw us out at 5am.

I eventually went to bed, expecting him to be gone in the morning (he lives round the corner). I got up then, and he was still here, and we had breakfast, sat downstairs and chatted, then we made lunch together, and kept chatting, then we watched Alice in Wonderland (haha). He really comes across as an incredibly deep, intelligent and sensitive guy, also quite shy! We really got on. I just desperately hope I wasn't too obvious in how much I like him. He stayed until about 6pm and then left cause he was driving to his hometown for a friend's birthday.

Would it make sense if I said that he was looking into my eyes, as opposed to at them? We also arranged to see each other again on Monday, cause I'm having a birthday dinner at this chilled out Moroccan place, and he seemed quite happy to come to it, and as he left he smiled really sweetly, and slightly nervously and was like "I'll see you on Monday..".Anyway, I then text my best friend and sort of tell her that I'm not really sure what's happening, but that I think there's something there. She then warns me not to get my hopes up, because her boyfriend told her that this guy is generally "more up for casual sex". I don't know how to feel, because he did tell me this very honestly last night, and all about his last relationship, and how that one fell apart because he wasn't getting enough conversational stimulation from it (very similar to my own last relationship), and how since that one he had been more casual. I just don't know how to feel! Although I know my best friend was just trying to protect me, I feel foolish, and a little hurt? Should I trust my instincts? And even if my instincts are right, that this is a good guy, how do I know if he likes me? If he is the promiscuous type, I can't possibly see how he'd like me. I really need to go to sleep, but I can't get this out of my mind! I have been single for a year and a half, and a lot of stuff has gone down since..

Comments (7)

Your question was: Contact someone I found on Match.com?.

Well.  The answer is quite obvious.  You just met.  So how can you possibly judge?  You have to get to know each other.  It sounds like you're already jumping to boyfriend status and you havent even been out on a date using Match.com yet.  I dunno why females do this all the time..

Quit jumping to step 10 when you're not even at step 1..

Slow your roll.  Chillax.  Get to know him.  Maybe he will like you more than just wanting casual sex.  Maybe not.  But you wont know unless you get to know him. ..

Comment #1

You're so right.Thank you for saying that. Frankly, I just needed to like, let out what was going on inside my head...

Comment #2

Venting is awesome.  But the point is, you shouldn't have all these thoughts swimming in your head so early.  Don't overanalyze. .

That doesnt mean dont be alert.  I'm a big believer in trusting your instincts.  But generally just enjoy your time together   Also, remember, this is his chance to court you and show you his stuff!  This is the time to find out if he's truly worth spending more time with...

Comment #3

You're right.I have become so insecure this last year. I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression over a year ago, and since then I've just been dead to the dating (online dating with Match.com) world. Naturally, just to kick me down a little more, I was sexually assaulted then last November when I went out on one of my first proper "dates" since all this stuff started.I have to say.. My dark fear is that no one will ever take an interest in me unless I do all the thinking and acting. It's weird, because that's the only aspect of my personality that is really control-freak-like.To actually meet someone who I truly got on with? had all the physical attributes I find attractive in a guy (not very conventional ones), and actually seems interested? Too good to be true..!Thing is, it's all very good saying, "don't overthink", how can I stop myself from thinking?..

Comment #4

I think that the best thing to do is to just experience the guy however it is he presents himself to you.  Enjoy him at your birthday dinner and see if he asks you out.  It could be a dating (online dating with Match.com) relationship (thru Match.com) or it could end up being sexual in nature - depending upon what both of you want from it and each other.  The point is to have fun along the way..

And try to not discuss him or your dates with your friend because the game of telephone could really screw up anything good for you with him, not to mention any interference that her or her bf could add to the mix.  You want this relationship (thru Match.com) to be between you and him...

Comment #5

What might help is to remember that it's just a guy.  This one person is not going to make or break you. .

Also, raise the bar beyond that he just shows interest.  Again, remember this is his chance to court you. ..

Comment #6

I think you're right about the "steering clear from getting best friend+her boyfriend". Thing is, it was her, my best friend, who introduced us, you know? She was saying for weeks, "Oh yeah, you are going to totally fancy this guy, he's just your type!" etc etc. I really am not someone who can keep things private, I am a venter.. There is something of a relief to be able to talk on here, I have to say.I am quite curious about how things are going to go tomorrow night. It is my birthday though, and I want to enjoy myself, not be overanalysing things. To be entirely honest, I really am not interested in a purely sexual relationship.

I appreciate the concept of "just fun", but I have suffered sexual abuse in the past, and it has just made me a little touchy in that respect. Plus, I am so sick of only being approached sexually. I want to be appreciated as a person, not as a piece of meat.(Thanks, by the way, to the both of you for caring.)xxx..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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