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Caving after a week???

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I've been seeing this guy for a week. Haven't heard from him in four days. Could he be caving already?? I called him two days ago, he didn't answer :-( (I know I know.....I'm stupid.) No more calling......

Comments (17)

Your question was: Caving after a week???.

He's doing the "pull back" already? You called two days ago and leave it at that. What a wimp. I feel that men who play this game are wimps. They dont respect women who can stand toe to toe with them. They have to have some sort of advantage because they see dating (online dating with Match.com) as a sporting event instead of finding love...

Comment #1

Update! He called me tonight. I didn't answer the phone. What should I do??..

Comment #2

You should call him back! I think you need to cut him a little slack. You've only been dating (online dating with Match.com) him a week and 4 days of not hearing from him is not a big deal in my book. He did return your call from 2 days ago (and it is okay that it took him a couple days to get back to you.) Next step is to call him back and be perfectly normal. Hopefully you guys can make arrangments to get together again. Moving forward, try not to read too much into the time it takes him to get back to you (unless of course it's an unreasonable amount of time) and try not to play games like not answering the phone when he calls you back. You'll feel much more at ease and hopefully can enjoy the process of getting to know him. Good luck!..

Comment #3

NO way you should call him. That's great that you didn't pick up. Now wait till he calls you again and just go on with your life, stay busy. If he wants you, he will call again! If he doesn't, he is really not that interested. Trust me from experience! Good luck!..

Comment #4

Since I am not into games...you may want to pay closer attention to the advise of the seasoned veterans on the board who have been through it.You do have options:1)play the unavailable game back and have no mercy - but no real connection or relationship (thru Match.com) may develop from it - thus call him back maybe in a few days.2)try to get to know him anyway...but if he is into games how can you be assured that he will not pull the rug out from under you later if you do end up feeling for the guy?- call him back when you feel comfortable and get to know him on the phone a bit before going out with him.3)play the coy yet available game and see what happens...keeping his attempts at game playing in the back of your mind so that you do not fall so fast for the guy. - meaning..you wait a day or so and call back with a real casual attitude.4)forget about him and not call back at all...

Comment #5

Most (normal, non-stalker) guys won't call again if their call is not returned, as they would assume that's a sign the woman is no longer interested in them (and they'd be right in many cases).So unless she wants to send a signal that she's no longer interested, she should return the call.Sheri..

Comment #6

Umm, NO.  When someone calls you, you call them back.  It's called MANNERS.  This ridiculous game playing gets people absolutely nothing..

Yes, she should have a life and stay busy, but just like with any other human being - friend, family, or guy she's been dating (online dating with Match.com) a week - she should return his call.  To do anything else would be rude and silly if she is interested in still seeing him..

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Comment #7

Sheri and vexer give good advice. Like I mentioned in above post, I am not into these games and rules. But I am into manners...and it applies to us and men...

Comment #8

I understand where you are coming from, but not calling her for four days is not rude? That's their first week of being together and he already pulled such s**t! I wonder what kind of stuff would he do when they would be togethr longer...

Comment #9

So being immature and rude and "punishing" him or "giving him a taste of his own medicine" is a good idea?  Oh please!  At this point, he doesn't OWE her daily calls or even much of anything at all!  They've been going out a WEEK!  What is rude or not rude about not calling someone for a few days that you've known for a week??  She's not his girlfriend yet and does not get to claim the rights and privileges that come along with that (e.g., demanding daily phone calls, demanding to be a priority in his life, demanding to always be thought of first, last and always).  Not returning a phone call is FAR more rude than not calling a chick you've been dating (online dating with Match.com) a week for a few days.  What he did was not rude, it's what happens in a lot of relationships very early on when on person doesn't want to rush into things. .

If you tell people (in a mature, thoughtful way - not by playing games and punishing them with silly silent treatments), you can get the treatment you wish from anyone because they know what you will and will not put up with.  If she's still interested in seeing him again, she should call him back and tell him that when she didn't hear from him for several days she got:  worried, angry, sad, insecure, concerned, obsessive, stalker-ish, needy, whiny... (insert your own adjective here) and that she'd appreciate it if he could maybe not do that again.  If once she has conveyed her needs and wants he pulls it again, THEN she can tell him she's out because he doesn't respect what she wants.  But unless the guy KNOWS he's expected to call her daily, how can he possibly live up to those expectations?.

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Comment #10

Uh, no. Four days is hardly a long time!..

Comment #11

A little OT, but some people (men and women) cannot be reasoned with sometimes. Sometimes because this world has conditioned everyone to only see the world and their actions through their own eyes...that they do need to have their actions presented back to them. This "me" thinking doesn't permit any empathy or caring. Unfortunately, sometimes, that rude behavior is the only way to knock sense into someone so that they can start to see their actions from the eyes of another. It is not the #1 choice, but it does work in those circumstances. Sure, wouldn't it be nice to just say, "I dont' like to be treated that way." and then *poof* magically someone starts to treat you better and you never have to say a word again...but that is not reality sometimes. Just a thought...

Comment #12

Well, sure.  But why don't we try the talking thing first and just see if it works?  She's known the guy a week.  I bet she hasn't communicated much of anything about what she wants. .

Communicating in an adult manner shoudl always be the FIRST method.  And I still never see any reason to be rude to someone.  If it takes me having to be rude in order to get my message across.  That's just not worth it to me. If someone cannot be reasoned with, I'd rather not have anything to do with them rather than to continue to beat my head against a wall or lower myself to be rude to them.  And if I do communicate what I want and that person continues to behave in the same way they always have, then I can choose to take myself out of that equation. .

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Comment #13

Oh, of course when it comes to the OP reason and communication comes first.I agree with your statement: "If it takes me having to be rude in order to get my message across. That's just not worth it to me." But I'm seeing that this world kind of changed and everyone is in a ME FIRST mentality and not just that, they are, for some reason, unable to see anything from anyone else's point of view. Obviously you are able to still see things from different vantage points, as well as I."And if I do communicate what I want and that person continues to behave in the same way they always have, then I can choose to take myself out of that equation.">always the best alternative for me as well. But think about those poor people married to each other, trying to work things out because they have kids and not knowing what to do and yet one party refuses to go beyond ME FIRST. I have been married and in a similar situation and the only way out was to remove myself from the situation. I have been married and I have been happy...happy is better.

Actually...in a seriousness, I have been married and happy at the same time, so I know it is achievable...

Comment #14

Update! I talked to him today while he was at work. He told me he would call me when he got home (of course....he didn't). I'm starting to think he doesn't like me or want to talk to me anymore. I haven't seen him in a week :-(..

Comment #15

I would get the same impression as you; that he is no longer interested. I guess it is time to say "next?!"..

Comment #16

Don't worry that you called a few days ago. But yes, let him make the next move and if he doesn't, well then you know not to waste energy over him..

Good luck.

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Comment #17


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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