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My first question is: Can't get into match.com palonely49?.

My next question is: I'm a newbie and I need some advice..

I recently got in touch via email with a former flame from 25 years ago. He lives about 3 hours from my home now. We had a nice relationship (thru Match.com) back then but circumstances (relocation mostly) didn't allow the relationship (thru Match.com) to really flourish. I found him on one of the school reunion-type sites and sent him an email. He responded shortly thereafter with details about his life and that yes, he had wondered what had happened to me and so on. He seemed genuinely happy to hear from me but he was that kind of person anyway so tried not to read TOO much into it! We exchanged emails back and forth over a couple of days, filling each other in on the details of our lives, and the last msg was from me commenting briefly about his job responsibility (I was pretty impressed and said so.).

I am single, no kids, have never been married (I'm 51) and have had several not-so-great relationships in those 25 years in between. I'm comfortable with being single, have a great job, and am pretty self-sufficient. I would really like to see this guy again and I think he would be interested in getting together for an informal date. So here are my questions:.

1) I haven't heard anything back from him in a couple of days. Do I send him an email with some random question/comment or should I wait for him to respond? I have a tendency to want to rush things. 2) My best friend lives in the same area as he. Her birthday is coming up in a week and I was thinking of going to see her. Should I mention to him that I'll be in his area and maybe set up a meeting? It's not even been a week since we made contact and I don't want to appear desperate or anything!.

I just have this feeling that something could happen between us if we meet up and I wouldn't be opposed to exploring that. It's been a long time (years!) since I've dated and I just don't want to even begin to screw anything up before anything might have a chance to start. IMO, I'm not so great at dating or gameplaying but if playing "hard to get" or something can get me some positive results, I might be open to it! It may not sound like it, but I'm a fun person with a good sense of humor but I just don't have a lot of confidence in myself when it comes to this stuff. Any advice you ladies have would be appreciated!..

Comments (4)

Your question was: Can't get into match.com palonely49?.

My BFF says I have 'pointy toed shoes' and I don't hesitate to use them!.

Seriously - it is fun to reconnect with old friends but the reality is that that often doesn't translate into wonderful nre relationships - even when you were very close back when. You're different people now with different lives and experiences. Any relationship (thru Match.com) that develops will do so because of who you are today not because you once shared something years and years ago.

Always remember - when you get inside your head - you are living in the future and not the now. Now is all you have. Stay grounded, enjoy this day and plan for te future without being attached to a specific outcome. that is what causes disappointment - being too tied to a particular scenario.

You might want to read a little book by Wayne Dyer called 10 Secrets to Success and INner peace - it's an easy read but could help shed light on your need to rush things..

Toni..

Comment #1

I would send him an email tellin him you would love to see him and if he would be interested in meeting half somewhere for coffee or lunch.  JUST GO FOR IT..

Comment #2

I so wish I could pull you aside and tell you everything I've been learning about the game of love..

I know that sounds goofy but the truth is, dating (online dating with Match.com) and all of that is a dance, whether we like it or not..

YES, I would play hard to get. And YES, I would WAIT for him to contact you now...he knows where you are.  I would NOT ask him to your friend's birthday unless he contacts you before hand. I know it's hard, it seems like such an opportunity but I would hold off and wait for him first.  It's really important to set the right tone of the relationship (thru Match.com) of him pursuing you.  It works out better that way in the long run..

I would read up on all the books on dating (online dating with Match.com) you can get a hold of, especially the ones that help you with the "game" of love. And when I say game it doesn't mean not be yourself and honest but it means you don't let everything hang out and you leave some mystery and allure and not be too available, especially in the beginning..

Telling all, revealing all, being "there" for him totally really kills the excitement of the romance/fun..

In the beginning it's all about attraction/romance/delight...you want to enhance that. The quickest way to ruin it is to pursue him, see him too often, tell him too much about your life and not make it fun and light.  You want to be light, breezy, fun, sweet but not head over heels, sexy....alluring....am I getting the point across?  Oh, I forgot...flirtacious. Learn to flirt but in a subtle way..

Good luck.

Soliel..

Comment #3

I'd say go ahead and tell him you're going to be in his town, and suggest that you meet, nothing to loose there.  The one thing to consider though is that you last saw him, and knew him as a  person, 25 years ago. Naturally he will not look the same but hopefully good enough for you to still like him. Another thought is, do you know anyone who at 50 remained the exact same person he/she was at 25? With the same likes and dislikes, personality traits, beliefs etc etc? All this goes for both of you. I wouldn't get too excited just yet. Meet  up with him, see what happens and go from there...

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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