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Can't decide should I break up with him?

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I'm 38, he's 44. We've been dating (online dating with Match.com) for about four months now. I may need to end it, but can't quite decide what to do. I don't want to do anything too rash. Maybe the relationship (thru Match.com) just needs more time to develop. Also, in my age group single men are scarce.

I'm just aware that my options are limited if I want a committed relationship.Here's the dirt:I'm definitely not in love with him, and find him kind of dull, but on the other hand, he's a sweet, kind, trustworthy person - and those qualities are SO hard to find in a single man. I know he'd be there for me in a tough situation.The chemistry isn't so good, at least not for me. In the bedroom department, it's not so good. He has some problems...of the middle-aged men sort...if you follow my meaning.He's a little cute, but I don't feel an intense physical attraction to him. He's overweight, and it's kind of a turn off for me in the bedroom (horrible to say, but it's true and I can't seem to overcome it).

I'm in a crunch time (self-employed) with my work right now - for the next couple of months. I love my work, it's creative and fulfilling, and periodically can be very demanding of my time. This is one of those times. I need to work basically every day for the next eight weeks. If I could, I'd run away to the wilderness and do nothing but work until the end of August, with no social distractions whatsoever.Do you think I should let him go so he can find someone who can give more than I can? The other possibility is asking him to slow things down..

Comments (8)

Your question was: Can't decide should I break up with him?.

Your post was interesting to read...did you read it over when you were finished?Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you pretty much just think that he's technically a "good catch" and that these types of men are scarce. Don't you deserve better than to settle for this? I've always said I'd rather be alone than to settle for someone.On the other hand, 4 months isn't necessarily that long, but I think you would probably have an idea of the potential here by now..

~Kelly~.

 Marrying my best friend and soul mate on June 20. 2008!..

Comment #1

Oh, please, please...let him go so he can find someone who does NOT think he's dull! If you think that now, when the relationship (thru Match.com) should be new and exciting, it's NOT going to get any better.I shudder to think that someone was thinking that about me yet not breaking up with me because they were afraid of not finding someone else.Sheri..

Comment #2

Kelly,Yes, after writing that post I realized that if I read a post like that, I would advise the person to break up. It's horrible to say that someone is dull, and bad in bed. Selfish, I know, but the reason I can't just end it without thinking it over carefully is that it seems there are three likely future paths for me:1. be alone, possibly forever. This becomes more likely the older I get. Being alone means more financial struggle, for single women at least, in the US - not to mention a lack of companionship.

Stay with this guy. So what if the relationship (thru Match.com) isn't exciting - don't all relationships eventually become more like friendships and less like a sizzling-hot love affair eventually anyway? And don't most couples eventually find each other a little boring, once they know each other? This guy is kind and warm, and stable in his life. He likes some of the things I like, too.3. Go back to dating (online dating with Match.com) on the rare occasions when I meet a single man I like (happens about once a year or so), possibly getting screwed over by players again and again, or just wasting lots of time on series of awful first dates...

Comment #3

"Do you think I should let him go so he can find someone who can give more than I can?" > YES..

Comment #4

Hi there We are the same age and I was in a similar situation last year he was 48 very successful architect - intellctually we got on but that's where it ended. I was just not that into him. To cut a long story short it dragged on and he got more emotionally involved as I was just hanging in there because it seemed like the right thing to do....he started to get agressive when he saw that I wouldn't commit yet wouldn't leave and he kept hanging on like a sick puppy. This meant I wasn't meeting anyone else - LIMBO.He then gave me an ultimatum out of the blue - either we get serious or I start seeing this sweet 28 year old I have just met....I was shocked!!!! Even though I kind of had it coming...I answered I am not going to compete with anyone and walked away - it was the biggest relief for me. being or dating (online dating with Match.com) someone that you are not that in to is pure misery...MOVE ON NOW...don't be afraid to be alone and have fun with your friends..

Comment #5

Simply put, how would you like it if he desribed you to anyone in the way you've described him here? If someone described me that way, I'd walk.I'm sure there are plenty of women who would actually appreciate him for who he completely is. Let him go so he can go find one of those."He's better than nobody," is an incredibly selfish and hurtful thing to think aobut someone, not ot mention, defeatist and insulting to yourself. You both deserve better than that.It's time to woman-up and do the right thing, you can at least be ethical about that..

 .

CL-Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.

CL-Understanding Men.

CL-Ask the dating (online dating with Match.com) Doyenne.

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. Tom Robbins..

Comment #6

HI again dotintheuniverse...I read your reply about your future concerns. Believe me...I 100% get it! I was with a man for several years, moved for him, thought we were getting married and thought that this was it for me! I found out after I moved he was cheating. I was upset about that obviously, but at 32, my biggest fear was that I will be alone forever, what's wrong with me, etc. (as all my other friends are married and most have children).It took a while for me to accept that I'd truly rather be alone that settle for someone, because I deserve better than that. I value myself more than that and you should too. Perhaps you shouldn't focus on what you don't have and focus on what you do have...independence and all sorts of other things that many people dont' have.

I love my current bf and I would love for it to be a permanent situation, but if it's not, it's not. I've come to accept that I have a full life with or without a man. Hopefully you feel that way also and if not, you should find ways to make your life more complete without a man.I know this is all easier said than done. It took me a long time.Let me know if you'd like to talk further...believe me, I get it!But you should still dump the dull guy!!! If the sex were great then that perhaps could be different.

~Kelly~.

 Marrying my best friend and soul mate on June 20. 2008!..

Comment #7

GIRL,YOU JUST DOGGED THIS MAN UP AND DOWN. LET HIM GO SO HE CAN FIND A WOMAN THAT WILL RESPECT HIS LACK OF LIBIDO, HIS HEFTYNESS, AND THE OTHER LIST OF THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE. TO ME AND IT'S JUST MY OPINION YOU NEED TO BE A LITTLE LESS HARSH AND LOVE THE GENUINE,CARING, AND ALL THE OTHER THINGS YOU ENJOY ABOUT HIM AND LET THE LOVE FLORISH OR LET HIM GO.

Grownazzwoman out!..

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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