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Can you use the yahoo email account to recieve messages from match.com members?

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My first question is: Can you use the yahoo email account to recieve messages from match.com members?.

My next question is: Ok I'm seeing this guy who's 18 yrs older than me (im 24, he's 42) On top of that he has 4 kids ages 4-12, and is finalizing a divorce in the next month. I've known him for over a yr and his situation. We started out as friends even though he was crazy about me, I kept it on the friend level. Now that I've gotten to know him I can't stop thinking about him. One night we ran into each other and ended up spending the night together, no sex though. We talked for hours letting out feelings that have been building up all this time for each other.

The feelings are very mutual but we get sad knowing it's more like a fantasy we wish we could make real. We've seen each other a few times since then and the feeling is always the same. Its hard because we have to keep it a secret at least for a while. Its hard because we can't get together that often. I see him every few days because we work next to each other, but we have to hide the romance. I'll admit, it's a little exciting at the same time lonely sometimes because I know I can't have him when I want.

I care about him so much and he is the most caring and compassionate person I have ever met. There is no one else like him and I don't want to stop seeing him. I'm very confused please help!!!!..

Comments (13)

Your question was: Can you use the yahoo email account to recieve messages from match.com members?.

What is it exactly that you are confused about?  Is it his situation that concerns you?..

Comment #1

Why the need to keep it secret?     .

 ..

Comment #2

Yes, I feel like he has a lot on his plate right now because of his divorce. Since he has 4 kids involved, he's busy with them a lot and how could he ever tell them about me? If word got out we were together he would have more problems with his family, his job, and reputation. We really enjoy spending time together and are both sad we can't be together more. I'm accepting his situation and trying to respect it because I care so much for him. We have a connection. I know that he has to take care of his business though and I'm ok with having to wait to see him. Knowing I have to wait to see him is hard, but at the same time it makes us miss each other more and when we do see each other the feelings get  stronger every time...

Comment #3

Because if everyone knows he will be in trouble with his ex, his kids might find out, and co workers and the public might give him a hard time. My family probably wouldn't be too accepting and I'm sure people might say bad things. At the same time I have strong feelings for him and I still want to see him...

Comment #4

Hi Beena273,.

 .

Welcome to the board!!.

Be really really careful in this situation!!!  I was in a similar situation once and nothing good came of it.  We didn't have the age difference, but he was separated and the paperwork was pending, he had three kids.  He kept me a secret thinking it would make like better.  It didn't help at all.  And I felt like crap for it.  If you can't be honest and open about a relationship (thru Match.com) - I say run now!!!!! Run Fast!!!.

If he is officially separated from his wife, then there is nothing illegal about  him seeing you.  Now if he doesn't want you to meet the kids right now - that is okay.  They are adjusting to a lot right now, but I don't necessarily agree that he should keep it a secret that he is dating.  He can't one day show up with a girlfriend and expect his kids to be okay..

Alot of all of this will depend on how long he and wife have been a part and when they told the kids.  Don't be too accomidating with all of this.  You will end up giving everything you can and he will be coasting!!  I learned that the odds of a marriage surviving from a situation like yours are very low.  like maybe 20-30%.   I won't come out and say that it will not work for you, but you have a very long rough road ahead of you..

I don't like ill of this previous man in my life, but I do think of him as a beautiful disaster.  That wasn't enough for me.  I wanted a better life than he could give me.  With all of the circumstances in this relationship, I'd be talking with him a lot about what he wants out of his new life.  You're young - do you want children of your own.  He might not want anymore than he has.  There are so many things to think about..

Best Wishes!!! and remember to take really good care of yourself!!!.

 .

           ..

Comment #5

<< Because if everyone knows he will be in trouble with his ex, his kids might find out, and co workers and the public might give him a hard time.  >>.

A lot of people (men and women both) who are newly divorced keep it from the kids.  That's actually a GOOD thing for the kids.  They don't need to be introduced to someone new right away.   6 months is a good 'rule of thumb.'.

Let me ask you this ... is he still living with his soon-to-be-ex wife and kids?..

Comment #6

I'm not sure that you should be waiting for this guy.  If he is separated from his wife then why are you a secret?  Being a secret-anything is demeaning.  If you accept this position in his life he could always treat you second rate..

I know you have feelings for him, but you need to be strong for yourself.  Tell him that when he can date using Match.com you in the open and his divorce is final that is when you'll be seeing him.  If you dont handle it this way he may not value you as much as he should...

Comment #7

I think you're a grown woman and should do what you want.  We only have one life.  Do what you can to make yourself and those around you happy...

Comment #8

Thanks, I appreciate your advice. I just want everyone to be happy!!!!..

Comment #9

Yes, that's good but don't forget that first part said make *yourself* happy too, not just others ; )..

Comment #10

Sorry bout the last message ... didn't mean to respond to myself, so I edited it ... but, thought I'd follow-up ... you didn't answer when I asked ...<<  Let me ask you this ... is he still living with his soon-to-be-ex wife and kids? >>.

Is he or no?.

 .

 ..

Comment #11

No he is not and he hasn't since almost a year ago. He has a new place thats his own...

Comment #12

<< No he is not and he hasn't since almost a year ago. He has a new place thats his own. >>.

Ok, that's good..

Advice:  You said his divorce is going to be finalized next month?  Put the relationship (thru Match.com) on hold until it's finalized.  This is the only way you'll know if he's being genuine about his divorce status.  .

The secrecy of it all (you guys not being able to tell anyone that you're dating) is what leads me to believe that there is more to this than he's letting on ... and since you're young ... and he's got 20 years on you ... it would be easy for him to 'take advantage' (for lack of better words) of your naivete.  I don't mean any disrespect in that ... it's just the reality of the age difference, life experience differences, etc. ..

Comment #13


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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