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Can You Hide Your Photos On Match.Com From Public View?

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My first question is: Can You Hide Your Photos On Match.Com From Public View?.

My next question is: I have another question that I'm wondering about..

I dated a guy a while ago.   I've posted about this 'unreliable' guy before.  He treated me more like booty than someone he wanted to be honest with.  I dumped him about 7 - 8 months ago..

Hes been calling every couple of months.  He can't understand why I dumped him.  I thought I got rid of him permanently the last time he called two months ago..

Just the other day I received a text message from him that said - "I would like to be with you.  I have made a big mistake."  I nearly choked.  I deleted it right away..

When we were dating, he rarely saw me and treated me like a piece of a$$.  Why is he like this now?..

Comments (15)

Your question was: Can You Hide Your Photos On Match.Com From Public View?.

Oh, I remember that guy! It sounds like he's missing being able to see you occasionally on his terms.  He's probably not finding a lot of women who are ok with that and is hoping you're still single and will reconsider..

Unless you want more of the same, definitely ignore his attempts at contact..

Sheri..

Comment #1

You are getting caught up in the "whys?" with these men.  It really doesnt matter why this guy is doing this.  All you need to know is that it is distressing you and you need to communicate to mr. unreliable that you do not appreciate any contact from him.  If he texts you again then text back a short message that says that you do not wish to have any contact with him.  To be analytic with these guys is just going to make you nuts.  These men do not respect your boundaries - mr. unreliable and mr. delivery man - that is what is happening to you - your boundaries are being violated and you are not defending yourself...so...they confuse you.  When men try to dominate a woman this way (going against her wishes) it can leave the woman feeling a low sense of self-esteem because they keep inflicting you with an attack-of-sorts...which weakens you...

Comment #2

OMG!  I did not look at it as violating my boundaries.  With the unreliable guy, yes, I saw him as invading my privacy.  I don't even want to hear his voice or read his texts at all.  He makes me feel sick. .

With the delivery guy I didn't even look at it this way - that hes disrepecting my boundaries.  I thought I was the immoral one and maybe I was overstepping the line.  I like him, I just smile and laugh and joke back.   Everyone in the office who has seen him thinks hes such a nice guy and they love him.   .

I'm wondering if I'm sending out vibes that I'm an 'easy' girl??.

Edited 12/11/2007 11:47 pm ET by reggielicious..

Comment #3

Yeah...I have had to deal with this myself - even just recently - so I understand what is happening to you.  Just recently this is what happened to me: .

1)I have a neighbor who I feel has an alcohol problem.  He feels the need to talk and blather on and on while he is drunk doing yardwork.  He has touched the back of my neck while he is talking to me (I am also doing yardwork outside and sweating  - yech - but touching me while I am sweating tells me he wants to swap spit - double yech) and I have been very nice telling him not to touch me but he insists on touching me.  So the last time he was like this he walked over to my house after I pulled into my garage with packages and he wanted me to put my packages away and come outside to talk.  I have had enough of this behavior so I was very nasty to him (being polite doesnt work for me) and told him I do not wish to speak to him AT ALL..

2) Last week while I was outside mowing my lawn a pressure cleaning contractor was working on the house across the street and he felt the need to walk up to me and start yapping to me without even a "hello, my name is ___".  Now...I look like hell when I am doing this type of work...so I know I am not giving off "come hither" vibes and I also had to be very short and snappy with him and say "do you see me working?  Who are you?  And what do you want?"  And then he walked away.  He kept trying to get my attention and when he was done he screams out "happy new year" and I just ignored him and kept doing what I was doing. .

These men are not trying to be nice to me...but then again...you know my story reggie...unfortunately I have horrible man or two in my life making sure that these men approach me and approach me very abruptly and not flirtatiously...more like they are trying to force themselves on me.  You know.. the rich sicko doctor and his buddies who are mad at me that I applied for a restraining order.  I know they do this to break my boundaries and weaken my resistance to their vandalism and so on.  Eventually they ALL go to jail...something that I will revel in - even if they lose everything in process...that would be justice for putting me through this for years..

In your situation...this unreliable guy is trying to force himself back into your life and the delivery guy is not taking "no" for an answer...and that should tell you something about these men...yech!  If a man wants you in his life the appropriate approach (that they all know about) is to romance you and seduce you. A man that is forcing himself upon you is not thinking of you...just their sick needs.  I know you have feelings for the delivery guy...but he needs to put up or shut up...divorce or leave you alone.  Like I said...when I have been polite and tried to handle things appropriately with men they dont take my requests seriously...I guess it is because I am petite in size.  When I get nasty or snappy...it works.  I am not happy about it because I should be able to be effective whichever way I wish to speak - when I try to be just stern (without the nastiness) I have to have a 3 hour conversation because they feel it is debate time instead of just GOING AWAY.  These are guys who do not listen to a woman when she says "no" - a clue as to what dating (online dating with Match.com) them is like - physically dangerous.  Whatever works for you ... just do it and get rid of these morons...

Comment #4

I'm very petite too.  And I sort've look innocent or maybe gullible or I'm emitting a gullible or trusting vibe.  I've been told before by an ex (I've told you about him) that I'm too trusting.  So I guess maybe these guys aren't taking me seriously? ..

Comment #5

I used to be told that I am too trusting or gullible...when the correct vibe I was sending out was only that I was a decent person.  Decent got turned into trusting, gullible and naive.  Hehe, meanwhile all of the people who told me I was "gullible" turned out to be the stupidest bunch of yo-yo's on the planet and actually believed a bunch of huge lies that turned into a fraud game (one that I would have never fell for)...ahem...who is the gullible one?  Again, they confused decency with gullible or sucker..

I would suspect that the men who we have to shoo away with a canon instead of a wave of our hand dont take us seriously and they mistake decency for pushover.  Once someone does cross me...the nasty side to my personality does make an appearance. ..

Comment #6

I will do that.  So far I have been indifferent and don't bother engaging in chitchat with him.  I guess it's working but it sucks, lol...

Comment #7

I just had t his happen to me this week.  My previous guy promised me the life a century then pulled the rug out from under me.  I fell hard.  I decided this couldn't get me down and went back into the dating (online dating with Match.com) world, found a nice man (thanks to my hairdresser) and the old guy calls - twice - and doesn't leave a message either time.  I didn't want this to keep going on, so I emailed him and was as distant as I could be.  He hasn't called again, I'm hoping I don't have your luck..

Your old guy sounds like a jerk.  If you need to, change your phone number.  I know this stinks, but that would make sure it stops. .

 .

Kristie..

Comment #8

I dated a man like this once before. When we were together, he didn't seem to care about me and it seemed like I was giving so much more to the relationship, but as soon as I was gone I was the most important person in his life. I took him back once or twice and we had those awkward in between periods when we were "friends" that persisted like this for four years. When I finally cut him loose once and for all, I immediately became much happier and much more centered because I also eliminated a lot of drama and time spent contemplating my worth. I knew I deserved better than what he was giving me. I know I deserved more than all of his apologies and promises that were broken.

I guess I thought that since it was obvious to me that I was the best person he had in his life that one day he would wake up and see it. He knew that I had this weakness and used it to his advantage..

I guess my point is that while I think optimism and belief in other people (and the ever elusive concept of love) is commendable, there comes a point when enough is enough. And once you reach it, you have to stick to your guns or else you might find yourself starting over..

There's better out there for you!..

Comment #9

Some guys want want they can't have, are addicted to the thrill of the hunt. If he treated you badly when you were together, that is the most important factor to keep in mind. Hard to think he won't do it again.

,..

Comment #10

Wow! I wonder if we were with the same guy - LOL. My ex was the same too, I was with him 2 years, took 4 breaks-up to finally stick to my guns. As you said too, I don't know what keep me going back or staying in the relationship (thru Match.com) - I don't know what keep me in it for so long too when I knew of the red flags, I guess I was waiting for empty promises, wanted to give him a chance, and not look back later and say I was being too hard/picky. I do know for a fact I wasn't, being broken up for 1.5 years now was the best thing I could have done for myself. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders, I am so at peace being me and totally enjoying myself as who I am, not who someone elese wanted me to be. My ex did not understand why I broke up with him, would always tell me how could you dump me, and I could just never understand how he always begged me to be with him, phone calls/cards/un-expected visits to my home.

I broke up with him Aug 06, he called me on Thanksgiving 06 to ask me if I was coming back, and then again sent me a card Jul 07 saying he's worried about me, did not know what to say, not even an I am sorry for what I've done or acknowledged anything bad he did to me, and asking me to call him. I threw the card away and got very angry because I thought here he does not know what to say - I thought please, after the crap he put me through, at the end of the relationship (thru Match.com) lying and being a jerk which was causing me to get sick. I would say it was my body's way of telling me to get out for good. I did get out for good and will not return. It's interesting how I was the one doing all the breakups and he was the one doing all the begging for me not to leave/come back..

Anna.

 ..

Comment #11

Hi Anna,.

I just wanted to reply with a "good for you!!!".

This is a toast to us;.

To the guys who have us,.

To the losers who had us,.

And to the lucky guys who will meet us!.

Cheers!.

Holly.

P.S. I love your avatar. I have a black and white tuxedo kitty myself. :-).

 ..

Comment #12

He's my Baby, he's about 1.5 years. I got him when I broke up with ex the third time around as a replacement, someone/something to love/focus on. I adopted him at the SPCA, when I walked in he was the loudest one meowing and climbing the cage; the lady said he was the last one left of his family. After I picked him up and looked around, could not put him back in the cage because of all the fuss he made to get my attention. He talks to me by making his cat noise, don't know how to describe the meow noice he makes and when I talk to him he moves his tail back and forth. He's spoiled rotten, my teenager boys tell me that I treat him like a baby.

I like your poem, when we do meet the special man, he will be very lucky to have us and us have him. It's worth the wait, not worth settling just to have someone. Especially we we can be free enjoying ourselves until the special one comes along.I wish you well in meeting your special man and when you do let us all know. Happy Holidays!.

Anna.

 ..

Comment #13

My cat is very vocal too.  Her name is Jesse.  She is a golden girl - approaching 18 years old.  She is spoiled and loves being my fur baby girl...

Comment #14

<< OMG!  I did not look at it as violating my boundaries.   >>.

Sure ... it's violating your boundaries.  Its you violating your own boundary.  Not him. .

Let's take it one step further ... remember, everything starts with YOU.  Therefore, in circumstances like this, if your boundaries are being violated, it's because you are allowing your boundaries to be violated.    We permit what we allow.

Sure, there are cases were boundaries can be violated without permission (ie, rape, stalking, that sort of thing) ... but, this isn't that.    If someone is calling you ... and you really don't want to talk to that person or want any form of communication b/c you aren't sure about a person's intentions ... yet, you pick up the phone and talk ... then, it is YOU not HE who violated your OWN boundary..

Boundaries are what we set for ourselves.  And therefore, we must be responsible to ourselves for enforcing our boundaries.   .

Think of boundaries like little 'walls' we either allow people to 'step into' or not ... and they cannot step into that area unless WE allow them to..

No one else can SEE our boundaries ... no one else can read our mind and know what our boundary is ... certainly, it wasn't up to this guy to KNOW what your boundary was unless you specifically said "please don't contact me" ... and even if you tell someone 'this is my boundary' ... they may respect it, they may not ... but, it is always going to be up to you to enforce your own boundaries.   .

By definition, we build the wall (ie, the 'boundary' we set for ourselves) ... therefore, it is up to each of us to choose who we let into that wall ... who we let step over that boundary, if we are ready or willing .... it's always going to be up to you to enforce your boundaries.   See the difference? ..

Comment #15


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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