Sounds like you are an expert at determining what guys are right for you and your girlfriends. By your post, I would imagine that you have found the perfect guy and now are qualified to assist your girlfriends find one for themselves and save them from making the wrong choices. Do I have that right?.
I have been through my share of relationships.
Gee, I wonder why?..
When your friends are complaining about these guys, try to emphasize to them that they are just too good to be treated badly. They deserve better than just being treated like a booty call. Also point out what jerks these guys are if they can so easily use your friends for sex and not care about their feelings. If you emphasize the point that the guys "are just not that into" them, that might bruise their egos a bit. It might play on their insecurities of not being good enough. I have a friend who's going through this sort of thing right now, and I keep telling her she can do better, and pointing out the sort of words and deeds that make the guy she's clinging to a jerk. It seems to have knocked some sense into her, and she's put the relationship (thru Match.com) on a timeline by the end of which if he doesn't come through, she's moving on...
Wow - I sincerely apologize if my message came off like I think I'm an expert. That is not the case at all! While I dont think you need to be in the "perfect relationship" (especially since that doesn't exist) to know that your friend is being treated like garbage and deserves better, I acknowledge that finding the right person is really hard and very personal. However, a guy who sleeps with a woman regularly but constantly blows her off, goes out with other women and makes zero commitment is most certainly the wrong guy - I dont think that's a huge leap of logic.
My question was, how do you keep a friendship intact when a friend is in that situation and continues to do self-destructive things? Since you didn't provide any advice on that, I guess I'll just hope someone else has some real "perspective" to share.
As for being in more than one relationship, isn't that sort of the way it goes? Most people date using Match.com a little (or a lot) before finding the right person. Walking away from the wrong relationship (thru Match.com) is one of the most optimistic, healthy things a person can do - it shows they have faith that they deserve something better. What's so wrong with wanting something better for my friends?..
This is great advice - thank you! I'll keep emphasizing the "you're too good" stuff, which is absolutely true, and lay off on "he's just not that into you." The timeline thing for your friend sounds so smart - how did that come about? One last question: How do you go about repeating or reminding her of the guy's words and deeds without coming off as critical (of him or her)?..
I HAVE A FRIEND WHO I WORK WITH WHO IS CLUELESS WHEN IT COMES TO MEN AND DATING. BEING BRUTALLY HONEST DOESN'T ALWAYS OCME ACROSS THE RIGHT WAY BUT THAT'S ONLY WHEN THEY 'RE NOT READY TO HEAR THE TRUTH. YOU KNOW YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DESERVE- A MAN WHO WILL RESPECT THEM AND LOVE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE AND DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM THEM OTHER THAN LOVE AND RESPECT AND COMPANIONSHIP. THAT'S HARD TO FIND IN A LOT OF MEN OUT HERE THESE DAYS BUT THERE ARE A FEW GOOD MEN LEFT OUT THERE. dating (online dating with Match.com) IS A HARD THING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SO CAUGHT UP IN THEMSELVES AND WHAT THEY WANT.
SHE (MY CO WORKER) COMES TO ME AND COMPLAINS ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT SHE ALREADY HAS ANSWERS TO. THEY'RE RIGHT IN HER FACE AND SHE STILL CAN'T SEE IT. BUT NONE THE LESS I STILL TRY TO GIVE HER THAT SHOULDER TO CRY ON WHEN SHE NEEDS IT AND THAT SWIFT KICK IN THE A$$ WHEN SHE NEEDS TO WAKE UP. I SAY GIVE YOUR OPINION WITH SOME SCENARIOS AND SEE HOW THEY REACT TO IT....BUT I HAVE A QUESTION, ARE YOUR FRIENDS MORE THAN SENSITIVE WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR FEELINGS? IF THEY DON'T TAKE CRITICISM TOO WELL, EASE IT ON THEM AND SEE HOW THINGS GO. REMEMBER YOUR FRIENDS CAME TO YOU WITH THIS BECAUSE THEY VALUE YOUR OPNION AND THE POSITION YOU PLAY IN THEIR LIVES...
"In their own way, each of these women have complained to me that they don't want my opinion and that I'm too judgemental and that I just don't understand how hard it is." They're telling you they don't want your opinion, so don't offer it. When they're ready to listen and actually do something about their situation, then you can step in. Until then, they just need to play their situations out until they are sick of it..
"It is beyond frustrating to listen to their rants.What should I say or do?" What I have done when placed into this situation, is let them vent for a little while, then end the conversation, either by saying I have something to do or somewhere to go. I don't feel obligated to listen to anyone complain about a situation they have no intention of actively resolving...
With all due respect, I think your post is unnecessarily harsh. I did not at all get the impression that she's putting herself out as an "expert."..
Based on my own experience, I realize that being a true friend does not necessarily always mean you have to give advice, even if they are good ones. Being a friend is knowing that you will be there in the end no matter what happens or how things turn out. .
Unless your gfs are being beaten, abused, and the likes, it's really difficult to place judgement from the outside when you're not the one who is IN the relationship. If you dont want to lose your girl friends, then I'd suggest that you stop judging them otherwise they'll stop telling you anything and withdraw from you..
Let them know that you dont agree with this relationship (thru Match.com) but you support whatever decisions they make and if they crash and burn, you will be there for them. They'll end it when THEY are ready to..