Thank you for your honest advice! I'm glad I'm not the only one that sees what's going on. They want to find the perfect woman with all their interests and personality profiles in tact, but then they select someone different. This system is to make it easier and simpler to find people with more common ground between them. That's what I want to use it for. To single out the ones that are not my type, to save me time from finding out down the road! So I'm trying to have some faith in the system and see where it leads me! Thank you again for your response and honesty. If we can't be that way with each other, than how will we be honest in a relationship! Thanks again!!!..
I was married almost 19 years, been divorced for a little over two. I didn't even try to date using Match.com for the first year, I just wasn't up for it. I have been doing OLD for a year now and it is very disheartening. Yes, there is the kid in the candy shop mentality for a lot of men (and I'm guessing women, too. Some guys have told me about women's profiles and sometimes it makes you embarrassed for our gender...). Lots want younger women.
It does take a while. What I am finding over the past year is that I have to really read the profile, and really think about what *I* want. Where I live, many, many men are in the financial services industry, play golf, belong to clubs, do charity events...but I am a little quirkier, artsy-fartsy type, who, while I may be able to have a great conversation with one if these guys, I am not the "type" they are looking for, nor is their lifestyle something that I am looking for.So it takes a little more digging than you might think. Also, many men DO NOT respond if they aren't interested. One guy told me it was all about the picture...if they don't see something immediately, they don't really read the profile.It's hard to not take it personally, though..
I am sorry you are having trouble. It sounds like something in your profile might be making them turn away..
I read a lot about dating (online dating with Match.com) in the last two years and these books had good information for older women (like myself)..
Finding a Husband After 35 by Rachel Greenwald. Lots of practical information on how to present yourself, the demographics for older women and how to create a good profile that works for you. Sometimes it's our profiles...or photos. It could be a little tweeking here or there that will help..
Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love and the Sensual Years by Pepper Schwartz. This woman chronicles her romances while being divorced in her 50's. Very inspirational. While reading it it made me want to connect with a man again..
Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others by John Molloy. Fascinating research on why...and much of it we can control. Good information for older women as he interviewed older couples as well..
Anyways...I know it's hard sometimes but I really think knowledge about dating (online dating with Match.com) really helps. It helped me a great deal and I wish I had read these books 20 years ago..
Thanks for your reply. Sounds like some interesting reading for me to check out! Hey, it's all new and I need to know and learn about these things! I don't have sisters to talk to (or brothers for that matter) and not many friends my age that are newly divorced. I appreciate your information and response!..
I didn't add everything I wanted to add..
Now, please don't think I think this is right...but from everything I have read about dating, weight matters a big deal. Yes, there is a small percentage who do like heavy women but it is small...and they are even smaller when we get older. .
Over and over in my dating (online dating with Match.com) books it says this...ESPECIALLY for older women. To have a good chance at finding love, an older women really helps herself by being fit and as trim as she can be. Well groomed is important, too..
Please, I am just sharing what I have read in books and read online on forums that discuss this. Weight is a HUGE, sensitive issue, I know. But over and over men prefer slender women as opposed to heavy. Heavier women get very angry...but it doesn't help. IT's just the way it is..
Men are very attached to feeling attracted to their woman. If they can't find any attraction, they will not bite no matter how much in common you have. They are not in search of friends, but a lover and need to be deeply attracted..
If you have trouble understanding this...think how you would feel about dating (online dating with Match.com) a fat man? Does that inspire you to want to date using Match.com him?.
So, if I were you, I'd focus on trimming down. It's not about being "perfect" just about being fit and trim enough. I don't know what "enough" is...but the more the better..
I know older women can be sexy. It just takes more work and effort to get there but it can be done..
Of course, I'd read those books I suggested...there are other things that could be turning off the men..
Oh, by the way, on the positive side...I think OLD is actually a blessing for older women. It gives a chance for women who meet few men to meet single men. I don't think it's inherently "cruel" as another poster said. It can be...but not because it's "online". dating (online dating with Match.com) can be hard, and sometimes cruel...but I bet if you slimmed down and made yourself as attractive and sexy as possible, you'd have different results..
This is a well-written post, it is very straightforward without being offensive... You are so right that being fit and taking care of oneself is attractive, universally and not just to men. Even a few extra pounds isn't that bad but attracting the opposite sex is always going to be somewhat physical and weight is a big part of physical appearance. You are also right that this subject makes people angry... But it is the truth. I hope the OP takes your helpful advice to heart. Improving oneself in any way is a magnetic experience...