There really is no list of rules or etiquette for a one night stand. Since all people are different, all situations will tend to be different. If you are normally not apt to have a one night stand then maybe this is not for you and you should not succumb to it with this French guy. The reason I say this is that there is potential for you to feel bad about yourself afterwards because if it is truely a one night stand and the guy is remotely unaffectionate or cold...you'll feel dismissed afterwards, when that is just the way the guy is. So think about it..
What is "snogging"? Is it a another term for sex? If so, then you do whatever you feel like doing. You can snog before dinner, during dinner and after dinner...whatever your heart desires, hehe..
"Do you wait till dishes are done, then cuddle to watch a movie for a bit before kissing? Do you brush your teeth afterdinner?".
You do whatever you normally do on a date..
"Do you sleep over? When in the morning do you leave?".
Sleeping over depends on what time you finish having sex and whether or not you are coherent enough to drive. Some guys are okay with having breakfast together in the morning and some guys will not be comfortable with that. If the guy says, "I've got a lot to do today"...then that is your cue to leave - adios!.
"Is it even socially acceptable to suggest sex the first time you have dinner together?" .
"And is it common to have the other person get an STD test beforehand? I dont even know how to get one of those in Germany.".
No it is not common to do that - so use a condom - especially if this guy is a casanova. If they have something like a Planned Parenthood or clinic then you can go in there, but it does take a number of days to get the results back. Also, if you have had sex within the last 6 months the results may or may not be accurate. Some physicians feel that you can detect the AIDs virus by the end of one month in a blood test and others stick with the 6 months rule...
Welcome to the board!!.
I'm not into casual sex, but the most important thing is to not be naive about all of this. Protect yourself and don't assume the guy will have the protection you need. Take it with you!!! If he won't ware it - don't have sex with him!!!!! .
As for the who, what, where and when. this could play out in a million senarios. Don't think too much and follow his lead..
Thanks for the warning to not do something I would regret. One of my main goals is to avoid regrets. Believe me, I've thought about it a lot, and know this French guy thing is something I am comfortable with. Well, as long as he isn't a Bad Person*, which I don't think he is..
"Snogging" is a Brittish term for making out. Not quite sure why I used it, since I'm American. Perhaps because I've been watching Torchwood (a BBC TV show)..
"Do what you would normally do on a date." Ahhh, that is the problem. I've only ever been on dates with one person, my ex. And my ex and I were not normal. I had a higher sex drive than him, so I'm more used to the, "Oh, I really hope he wants to have sex tonight/this afternoon/tomorrow morning/after he finishes his video game because we haven't done it in days..."** so this being seduced thing is rather new. And we rarely went on "dates". Only a handful of proper ones in the 8 months we dated, and most of those did not result in sex for one reason or another. Hell, we hadn't even gone on a date using Match.com before we started our relationship. Partially because, silly 18 year old that I was, I didn't realize that people went on dates before entering an exclusive, commited relationship. But it worked well enough for us. Pity he was older and graduated, and neither of us wanted a LDR..
As for being coherent enough to drive, I don't have a car here so I'll be using the city's (really really wonderful) bus system. So no worries there, I guess..
Yes, I figured that getting a check up before each sexual encounter with a new person was impractically. Do people often get them after starting new relationships?.
Thanks for the input!.
*I'm an atheist, so pretty much decide my own morality. The most important rule is that I Will Not Have Sex With a Sinful Person. I take my definition of Sin from the Terry Pratchett book Carpe Jugulum. Sin is treating people like things. Yes, there's worse things out there. But they start when you start treating people like things..
**Not that he didn't enjoy sex. He just seemed to strongly believe in quality over quantity; I've still not had a "quickie"..
Edited 3/31/2008 8:25 pm ET by pastapirette..
Thanks for the welcome! And thanks for the warning; it's an important message that I fear a lot of women don't pay attention to!.
I strive to be non-naive. My parents are quite prudish, and thus never gave me a proper sex ed, and my school didn't either. So, knowing that knowledge is power I have made a point of educating myself, through books and the internet and such. The result? One of my old highschool friends calls me a "sex goddess" and still uses me for advice. Whenever a friend needs to go to the local sex shop for a gift I am the friend they bring along. I actually think I would love being a sex ed teacher. I just gave my sister "Our bodies, ourselves" for her birthday. And so on..
So, no worries about protection. I've got two condoms in my purse (One unlubricated, one lubricated). And if he won't wear it I wouldn't even consider it. I'd probably come down with HIV and twins (I've got birthin' hips, you see. I swear, my body is built to be pregnant. But I won't let it become that way for years and years, if ever)..
Thanks again for your help!!..
"Snogging" is a Brittish term for making it.".
Oh, I thought it was "shagging." .
"so this being seduced thing is rather new. And we rarely went on "dates".".
I see. What makes you think you will be seduced by him? Is it something he said or did?.
Well, some men are more formal about dating (online dating with Match.com) and how many dates till sex and some men are not. Any guy who looks down on a woman for having sex on the first date using Match.com is no one you want to date, trust me. You will need to feel this guy out during your date using Match.com to see if he is receptive to sex with you or not. If you have thought this through and still want to go ahead with it (sex) , then go for kissing (BEFORE dinner) and see what he does - for instance, does he seem to want to take things further? Is he looking for a green light from you? or..does he push you away (not in a bad way) so that he doesnt get carried away. Even if he pushes you away...eventually kiss him again and see what he does - you'll find out..
You need to be relaxed and be yourself, so brushing your teeth after dinner is part of your normal routine, then that is what you need to do..
"Only a handful of proper ones in the 8 months we dated, and most of those did not result in sex for one reason or another.".
Strange. So you two never went out to dinner or saw a show or a concert together?.
"As for being coherent enough to drive, I don't have a car here so I'll be using the city's (really really wonderful) bus system. So no worries there, I guess.".
Actually, have enough money with you so that you can get home by cab if you need to..
"Do people often get them after starting new relationships?".
Most people do not get tested. They would rather not know...can you believe that? You should ask him if he has been tested and when that was and how long before that was his last sexual encounter. I have done that and no one has ever gotten annoyed by it. Sure they can lie, but hopefully you'd see that and you'll be armed with your condoms. You actually use non-lubricated condoms? You should use the ones with nonoxyl-9. And you need to have more than one with you...come on girlie...you know better than that..
It has been many years since I have had sex (due to a crime being perpetrated against me - wasnt safe for me to date using Match.com - too many men taking money to hurt me physically and emotionally and mentally - crazy stalker(s) caused this) ... but I used to donate blood around twice a year and the blood bank does test for hepatitis, syphillis and HIV and I still tested negative 2 years after my last encounter so I know I'm clean. I have been tested for other stds in the past too and it came back negative..
"I've still not had a "quickie".".
No quickie?! Sometimes they are good (depends on how worked up you are) and sometimes they just leave you wanting more, *sigh*. Eventually you will have a quickie, hehe..
Treating people like things is the hallmark of someone who is sociopathic and no one you want to have a relationship (thru Match.com) with or even have sex with..
Situations like these is why our brains are equipped with 'instincts'. There is NO plan to go by. Just like when you're out driving your car. You may know the destination, but knowing which lane you're going to drive in, or knowing which cars are going to be in front of you, is something that you'll find out once you're in the situation..
It's the same with this. You may know what's going to happen, but when and HOW it happens will be determined once it starts happening. Just go with the flow and enjoy the excitement that should ensue..