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Can I do it??

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Ok, this may seem odd or stupid to some of you who have been in this or a similar situation before.please bear with my ignoranceIve met two guys who I like. Neither of them knows about the otherI havent known either of them long at all, but I feel like both of them have potential for a relationship. The problem is that I have never dated two men at the same time.consistentlyas in two men I actually like. I dont know how to do this. These guys are TOTALLY different. Guy 1 is well-off, in the entertainment business, wants to take me to the nicest places, show me things Ive never seen before.

Im just a regular girl, 9 to 5 worker, grad student, independent, and Ive never met anyone like him. This is exciting; however, he is coming on a bit strongly in that hes asking me to give him the opportunity to be my man. This guy has strong faith in God and feels like God placed me in his path and that we were meant to meet. Ive told him that I dont move that fast. He says that he doesnt believe in societal rules which dictate how fast relationships should progress.

Are there people out there who can meet someone and feel so strongly so quickly or could it just be game he playing?Guy 2 is similar to the kind of guy Im used to and we have more in common. Hes young, just two years older than I am, hard-working, regular guy who wants to get to know me and show me a good time. Hes not talking about tomorrow or our future. He has said that he thinks wed be good together, but not nearly as aggressively as Guy 1. Guy 2 and I have much in common, including our upbringing, interests, etc.

One thing about Guy 2: last weekend, he planned to see me, but I didnt hear from him all day. His reason: his phone died. That kind of turned me off. Should I be turned off by that? Did he not have another phone?What do yall think? Are both these guys worth dating? Ive only known them for a few weeks and Im no where near making a decision about either of them. Does Guy 1 seem too good to be true or just a bit off? Cant I just date using Match.com them both and see what happens?.

Edited 8/29/2007 1:32 pm ET by rivegauche79..

Comments (11)

Your question was: Can I do it??.

Why not? So long as you're not sleeping with either of them, or saying you're exclusive when you're not, I don't see what the problem is. Time will tell with both guys. I think ideally it's good to date using Match.com someone at least 2-3 months (and a minimum of 12-15 dates) before committing to exclusivity (or having sex) so you can really get to know the person.I do think guy #1 could be feeding you a linebut who knows, he may really believe what he's saying. You can tell him that's all well and good for HIM, but you need to take some time getting to know him before you take things to the next level. If he balks at that, then you'll know the two of you are not a good match.As for guy #2, if that was the first time he flaked, I'd give him another shotbut just one. If he flakes again, that would be it for me (I can't abide flakiness). But many people these days don't have more than a cell phone, and if your number was in his, how would he have been able to get in touch, even if he did have another phone to use?Sheri..

Comment #1

Hi.Thanks for the advice...it makes a lot of sense. As long as Guy 1 respects that I want to move slowly, then I'm good. If he doesn't, he's clearly not a match for me. Also, I don't think that Guy 2 intentionally blew me off...I'll look out, though, for other signs of flakiness. Like you, I can't stand flakes either!!Thanks again!Rive..

Comment #2

You can date using Match.com either or neither...personally I dont like either one. I liked #2 until he didn't call you because he can go to any pay phone anywhere and call you. #1 seems like he his lines rattle off his tongue with ease. But, this is based solely on what you posted and there could be other factors involved...

Comment #3

Makes sense...I'm not sure what other factors there are. I'm trying not to overthink it so much, as I tend to do. I do think that the one who didn't call me all day and said his phone died is still nagging a bit. His phone surely wasn't dead ALL DAY! However, I don't know that so I can't assume. I'm also thinking that the other guy is the kind who is very pushy and won't take no for an answer. I have a date using Match.com with him tonight, so we'll see how it goes....I will emphasize that I won't move fast with him.

If not, then he's going to be kicked to the curb!!Time will tell with both of them, right??..

Comment #4

Time will definitely tell you what you need to know. I agree, that #2 could have still contacted you. If he wasn't home overnight and never got to charge the phone, I can see why his phone would be dead. But, there are phones everywhere for him to use. So there is no excuse. Almost like he wouldn't go the extra mile for you.

To have that 100% of the time is a little taxing on one's soul. I just dont like guys who use lines instead of sincerity to get what they want. You can be appropriately assertive, achieve your goals, and still be genuine. It can be done, but some people try to find the shortest way from point a to point b, genuine or not.When I mentioned other factors, I was more alluding to the fact that I, of course, was not present to see how they spoke to you, their body language, the other ways they have behaved around you. Sometimes missing info can change the way one sees things.Have fun!!..

Comment #5

What if her number was in his dead phone and he had no other way of getting it?..

Comment #6

I was just about to post the same thing, Sheri! All of my phone numbers are in my cell phone, and I have very few memorized and none written down in another place.  So if my phone's dead, I have no way to call the other person regardless of how many phones are made available to me!..

Comment #7

ExactlyI was thinking about it after I posted that, and I realized that I couldn't tell you my Mom's number or any of my closest friends'I just don't have them memorized like I used to back when you had to actually dial someone, LOL!Sheri..

Comment #8

I have not known anyone who organized their life like that. that includes dates, exhusbands and friends. Not that it couldn't happen, but it is disorganized. Any phone number that is important would be stored in more than one place by me, and I guess, the people I have known. Also, he could have seen if she was listed in a phone directory...

Comment #9

It's early days - yes, you can date using Match.com both and see what happens. Have fun..

,..

Comment #10

NOTE: You should consider dating (online dating with Match.com) two people at the same time IF AND ONLY IF you KNOW they'll be fine with it. Otherwise, you run a serious risk of hurting one or both of them when they find out (and they will). As for Guy 1, I'd be careful; my personal belief is that he's letting his emotions get the better of him. Not caring for "societal rules which dictate how fast relationships should progress" is a common argument as a means to control the pace of a relationship, and can even seem romantic to both involved, but it's beyond impractical. I don't mean to imply that he's trying to manipulate you - he's probably convinced his disbelief in those rules is well founded.Guy 2 is more of a recipe of the stuff that strong relationships are made of. If he says his phone died and he feels bad about it, then it probably did die.

If it happens more often, then you've got a problem (though not necessarily a serious one. I have a relative who is notorious for never even taking her phone with her, even on business trips). If he really wanted to see you, he was probably fretting about how to get a hold of you. Also, just because an idea occurred to you on how to be reached doesn't mean it occurred to him - which is a fact EVERY relationship (thru Match.com) needs to acknowledge - and shouldn't be held against him. Both men and women make what seem like the stupidest mistakes once they're interested in someone..

Comment #11


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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