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Can anyone suggest a good online dating site? NOT match.com i'm on yahoo right now and it stinks.?

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My first question is: Can anyone suggest a good online dating site? NOT match.com i'm on yahoo right now and it stinks.?.

My next question is: My boyfriend and I have have been dating (online dating with Match.com) for 10 years now. We are both 26 years old. About 2 months ago he confessed to me that he had a one night stand with a girl at a bar. The only reason why he was telling me was because she had contacted him to let him know that she had just found out she was pregnant. I was devastated when I found out. We decided to work it out and see what happens with this girl because she lives an hour away and they only have each others phone number.

She knows that I exist and that my boyfriend is not leaving me for her. He was not gong to tell me because it was just a one night stand that meant nothing to him. This year we started talking more about marriage and finally getting married and starting a family of our own. He told me after he cheated on me that he was thinking of asking me to marry him before the end of the year. We still talk about it even though we have not made it official.

We have both decided that he is not going to be there for this child or be involved at all. Are we doing the right thing? Do we tell everyone before we do get married or let it come out later. This really hurt me a lot also because we lost a baby 3 years ago. I am really confused and cannot stop thinking about this. We have been through so much in our relationship (thru Match.com) that I just cant break it up.

Please help...

Comments (5)

Your question was: Can anyone suggest a good online dating site? NOT match.com i'm on yahoo right now and it stinks.?.

You don't want to break it up, but your boyfriend clearly had other ideas. He decided to have unprotected sex with another woman, now he's made a complete fool out of you for the rest of your life. Everyone is going to know that. EVERYONE.I would not be taking him back because cheaters do not deserve second chances. Counseling would be a good idea, but honestly if it were me I'd be out, ten years or not. History is no reason to stay together.PS: How sure are you that she is actually carrying a child and that it's his?.

Edited 11/22/2008 3:30 pm ET by eggbertshootseggs..

Comment #1

<< We have both decided that he is not going to be there for this child or be involved at all. Are we doing the right thing?  >>.

Oh naive one.  First of all, this isn't a "we" decision.  Its up to him.  And the other girl.   I'm sorry to say this ... but, if this child is indeed your BFs ... please do not make any plans for your future ... quite yet..

I mean ... I can't really agree with your decision to stay with a cheating BF ... if he's only a BF and he can do this to you now ... since he's just a BF, and you have no 'real' commitment, he will most likely do it again.  Particularly since you've been together since you were 16.  He's never "sowed his oats."  This will most likely come back to bite you.

But, I disgress.  First, he needs a paternity test immediately when that child is born.   Don't just assume that what she's saying is true.  I mean, if she's apt to one night stands ... who knows who many other guys she might have slept with?   Don't assume that she even knows for SURE that it is his child..

Secondly, if he is the father ... is he planning on signing off parental rights?   I think the mother has some say in that, too ... b/c if he doesn't give up parental right, regardless of his decision to not be at all involved, she can still come after him for child support.   He needs an attorney to spell out his options and rights.

If I were you , I wouldn't say anything about any of this to anyone until there's 100% confirmation that he IS the father.  And not just her verbal word.  You need to physically see the verification.   But, you can't do that until the child is born so .... all you can really do for now is wait...

Comment #2

>>Secondly, if he is the father ... is he planning on signing off parental rights?   I think the mother has some say in that, too ... b/c if he doesn't give up parental right, regardless of his decision to not be at all involved, she can still come after him for child support.   He needs an attorney to spell out his options and rights. <<.

I agree. Signing off his parental rights is one thing; it would be the responsible thing to do if he does not want to be the child's legal father. Walking away from the baby and all responsibility is something completely different; it shows irresponsible and selfish behaviour. Truthfully, I don't know if I could be wih someone who could just turn his back on his child - regardless of how the child was conceived. The child is the innocent party here, after all..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #3

It's not an easy thing to sign away his rights. It's more typically done in cases where the mother's new partner is willing to adopt so the bio father's rights can be terminated because there's a replacement father to take responsibility. In the absence of that, the mother has to want it to happen and a judge has to agree to allow the termination of rights to happen and that it's in the best interest of the child to not be supported by it's father. Very few judges are going to do that...

Comment #4

<< In the absence of that, the mother has to want it to happen and a judge has to agree to allow the termination of rights to happen and that it's in the best interest of the child to not be supported by it's father. >>.

Oh, I agree. That's why I think she and her BF are being terribly naive if they think just turning their back is going to make it go away.  Because the ONLY way he woudln't have any responsibility is if he signed away his rights ... and that's why I said "I think the mother has some say in that"  (which was more like a "OF COURSE, the mother has some say in that" ... not a "hmmmm, I'm not sure" ... it would be naive of them to think that this is going to be as easy)...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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