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My first question is: Better Dating Site Yahoo Personals or Match.com ?

My next question is: Hi I've heard a lot about if a woman is too forward, a man won't value it, and men like the feeling of not getting and chasing. So I was wondering how forward can I be in initiating relationships? I've heard some success stories of that, but are they too much an exception to even try and follow?..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Better Dating Site Yahoo Personals or Match.com ?

Being assertive and asking for what you want is always fine - however, chasing, as in, doing all the calling, planning and such to make sure he sees you is not.

A confident woman can be assertive and set teh stage to encourage a man to pursue in a natural way - but she never does his part. An example of this is offering your number to someone with the statement "Please call me if you'd like to get together'  and then she allows him to take the next step. A confident woman doesn't fish for dates or contact a man in hte hopes of getting something from him. She understands the natural flow and volley that must occur between 2 people and knows that if a man doesn't reciprocate or return her interest, then he isn't prepared or willing to go further with her. And she is ok if he isn't..

By contrast, a woman who chases a man usually is doing so from a place of insecurity and need. she needs his attention to feel that she has worth. She doesn't believe in herself enough to allow him time to 'miss' her. She'll often be so focused on making sure he has the opportunity to see her that she misses out on the fact that he may not be right for her. Being chased by a insecure woman usually happens when a man is slow to show interest or his interest is not at the same level that she wants it to be. .

Basically, if you are making all the effort to keep the relationship (thru Match.com) alive - then you are doing too much - that is chasing and it doesn't work. A man who is sincerely interested in a woman will make sure she knows it thus she doesn't 'have' to chase him - he is chasing her. And if she is chasing him, then she is setting herself up to fail..

Just like in business, it is perfectly fine to ask for what you want and to create opportunities that raise the probability that you get it. The next step is to then allow someone to grant your request.

Toni..

Comment #1

Depends on the guy.  And it depends on if you will enjoy being in that role for the rest of your relationship (thru Match.com) with him.  Depends on if he's passive in all areas of his life..

Carrie..

Comment #2

Hi these are all quite insightful and helpful. I like what you said about "a confident woman can be assertive and set the stage to encourage a man to pursue in a natural way - but she never does his part" and I fully get it now. I asked this because I saw some situations where a guy is not skilled in relationships and is introverted, and in this situation an extroverted and sweet woman might really help with the relationship (thru Match.com) development. In this case, the woman is more active, but because she has better people skills. So is that OK? If so, shall we strive to be have a better personality for relationship (thru Match.com) development?..

Comment #3

It's not a paint by numbers sort of thing.  You don't want to be overly aggressive in the beginning but you also dont want to play act, meaning pretend you don't care.  Let him do most of the chasing in the beginning but it's okay to make a call, suggest a movie, etc.

,..

Comment #4

The best relationship (thru Match.com) I had, I made the first move. He was recently divorced BUT he wanted a ltr and wanted intimacy. We had great times together including vacations, lived together etc but all good things come to an end. We still talk and he's happily married now with 4 kids.

I'd say make yourself available and open to the possibilities which may include making the first move, and the second, but know when he isn't into you and cut your losses...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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